There is a great bible verse that explains what you did, very concise and to the point.

"When tempted, no one should say, �God is tempting me.� For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death." James 1:13-15

Ditto!

Oh?

YOU


YOU

YOU

YOU

Why is it that I get the distinct feeling that you are only posting on here to appease your wife and as a way to gaslight and as an attempt to show her you are remorseful? Because everything you write seams that is empty words that you know your BS wants to hear and yet no substance or real commitment to honesty or details as to the true extent of your involvement with your bit on the side??

Everyone can give you as many 2x4 as you can take but this won't help your BS only your true honesty will.

MelodyLane posted the answer: Because you have no boundaries and don't care how badly you hurt your wife.

Which is exactly the answer.

Though I will add: Because, like every cheater, you wanted to have it both ways. You wanted to have both a married life and a single life.

*Because you got away with this once before and got to keep your wife, so you got the idea that you could get away with it again.*

Because the consequences weren't bad enough to teach you anything the first time.

So: Pick one. Married or single. You cannot have it both ways without tremendous damage to your wife, your family and, eventually, to yourself.

As I type this, a U.S. Congressman who also thought he could have it both ways is being forced to announce his resignation from office, to his own and his family's extreme worldwide embarrassment. He may well lose his beautiful, accomplished and pregnant wife, too.

Don't let it come to that for you.

If you want to date other women, then do your family a favor and go get a divorce and live like a single guy. Give your ex-wife and children a chance to find a man who does care enough for them to be there full time, since you do not.

If you want to be a husband and a father to the wife and children who love you and need you, then implement the MB program 100% and reap the rewards from that.

But you can't do both. Nobody can - not for long, and not without terrible and lifelong damage to everyone involved. Including you.

I thought the EXACT same thing!!!!

I am certain that that feeling can be reversed if he does everything that has been suggested on this thread.

And I am certain that if he wants to prove himself, he will.



Still with us, Chris?

Well, Chris? Still waiting to see you perform number one.

Hello Chris,

I don't post often on MB but I just want to point out a few things to you. You remind me very much of my own WH who appeared on this board sounding just like you...and that is not a compliment. After pity parties, more lies and garbage...we are now getting divorced. That will be you if you can not get a grip and do the most BASIC thing of telling the full truth of what went on between you and OW.

Your wife is not stupid. Do not treat her like she is because I can assure you all you will do is piss her off even more. And acting like a drama queen will also tick her off so knock it off and suck it up.

If you can't be honest NOW and come clean, save your time and everyone else's. Your time will be better spent looking for a divorce lawyer in the yellow pages. Your choice.

I don't want to hurt my wife anymore. I want to answer some of these posts but every replied I make isn't the way I was suppose to reply or I made it about myself. I feel stuck because I'm going to continue to say the wrong things. I will try again with some of the posts and if the vibe/message isn't right let me know constructively, I'm trying.

I need to protect my wife from this ever happing again. Please don't get mad at me if I'm about to say the wrong thing. There has to be something wrong with me to have had this happen again. I know that I struggle with depression almost daily. For me to fix or try to fix the damage that I've done to my wife, I need to figure out what is wrong with me. How can I do these things when I'm struggling with my own demons. I know that I made this about me again, but how do you work on something external when internally isn't fixed.

Thank you for your post.

She is very upset as you can imagine.
She is angry at me as well as hurt and humiliated by my actions.
She really wants for me to answer more of the posts but I feel like I'm making things worse.

My wife is a very caring and loving mother/wife. She's a hard worker and takes care of herself. She's beautiful. She's shy, which makes her a little bit of an introvert.

I know that you are probably scratching your head now on why I did something so cruel. The thing is is that I didn't see it that way till confronted. I know theres something deep down thats broken with me and it needs to be addressed before I can ever dream of make a healthy strong relations ship with my wife or anyone else. I put a barrier in front of the people that mean the most to me. The people that I love the most I push away. I don't know why I do this. I don't know how to give answers to things I don't understand.

I know a good step is reading "How To Survive An Affair"

Thank you for your post

Do you see what is wrong with this sentence?

MelodyLane already answered your question about why you did this. Adultery is not a disease. It is a CHOICE you make.


You MUST have Extraordinary Precautions in place.
You MUST be transparent with your betrayed wife.
And you MUST commit to building a romantic relationship with her.

Chris I'm sure you are a smart guy and I'm sure you want to fix all of this. I have no doubts about that. You obviously don't want to have a marriage that is falling apart, but you need to begin repairing things with specific actions, one at a time, and move forward.

What most of the posters are trying to help you understand is that your wife has just suffered a devistating betrayal from you, akin to a serious car accident. She needed care flight and has just entered the emergency room requiring life saving care. You are the only person available to offer the care she requires while in triage, yet you are busy thinking you need to fix something about yourself in order to give this life sustaining care to the emergency room patient. Do you think that is how Doctors and Nurses handle emergencies? Neither do I.....

So please turn you attentions to the patient (your wife) and begin administering live saving care to her, OK! This is what most of the posters are trying to explain to you when they say, "don't make this about you".....

You'll have time for some independent, self reflection when the main part of this crisis has past. Until then, lets get to work on the real victims in all of this, and that would be your wife and your marriage. Can you do this?

Have you even sent a NC letter to the OW?
Have you told your BS everything?

Stop with the gas lighting bull. Depression or not you are capable of the above two tasks.

The OW is responsible too so stop protecting her and let your BS do what she needs to do in order to put this vile human back in her box.

The only thing wrong with you that I can see is that you use your possible depression to skirt around things and manipulate the situation.

My deepest sympathy is witan your BS.

Chris, what is broken here is your wife and your marriage and your boundaries. That is all that is wrong. And until you make a decision to fix your boundaries, you will continue to break your wife. It doesn't get any "deeper" than that.

Now, if you are serious about making this right, you will stop with the self pity and start getting honest with your wife. Tell her the truth. Lay out the story honestly and completely. That is the first step in making this right.

If you want to save your marriage, you need to knock it off, Chris, and get serious. We are on your side and want you to make it, but you aren't going to make it if you can't get honest. You haven't even taken the first step and told the truth about your affair. Rather, you are on here talking about yourself.

Do you really want to save this? If you are serious, how about getting honest.