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Help, you are wasting so much time here. Instead of making plans to save your marriage, you are wringing your hands and making posts about fogbabble. WE don't care about any of that, nor will it help you save your marriage.
Is it possible for you to put aside your emotions and work on a plan? If you can put aside your emotions and follow a plan, there is hope. But if you can't follow a plan you are probably not going to make it.
WILL you follow a plan?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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All my close friends keep telling me to just let it go. This is the second time she's done this. I deserve better than her. She did it before, she's doing it now, so what makes you think she won't do it again in the future. Then by all means, GIVE UP. If your friends want you to give it up, then do that and stop wasting our time. We thought you wanted to save your marriage.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Help,
You remind me of my FBH. Twelve years ago he surrendered to my OM and the evil cr@p I pulled without a fight. To this day we BOTH regret our actions. I've been in a miserable affairage for ten years. He has never remarried and barely dated. We've both had to file bankruptcy. Our two kids have been shuttled back and forth between our houses. Son is depressed. Daughter has an eating disorder. It is all my fault but FBH could have saved us ALL. Will you do this FOR yourself, your wife, and your kids? It would be completely understandable if you are unwilling. You do have POWER in this situation that you don't seem to comprehend. And your here now because your OM/WH is having an affair on you? You had an honorable man and broke him, and damaged your two kids. Why stay with the OM/WH now. They cheat with you they cheat on you. How can you let you and your BH's kids live under the OM's roof? The OM that help destroyed their family. The OM that helped damage these kids. When are you going to realize what posion the OM is and remove them from your families life? When are going to make amends to them and how will you do it?
Last edited by TheRoad; 07/28/11 02:33 PM.
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Help, you are wasting so much time here. Instead of making plans to save your marriage, you are wringing your hands and making posts about fogbabble. WE don't care about any of that, nor will it help you save your marriage.
Is it possible for you to put aside your emotions and work on a plan? If you can put aside your emotions and follow a plan, there is hope. But if you can't follow a plan you are probably not going to make it.
WILL you follow a plan? What is the plan?
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I left Thursday. I had the kids for the weekend while she was "away". 1. go home and move right back into your own bed. Stop abandoning your family 2. expose the affair wide and far. Stop telling me that "people know" and sit down and make up a list of her family members and close friends. CALL THEM ALL. Tell them about her adultery and tell them you are trying to save your marriage. ASK THEM TO USE THEIR INFLUENCE TO PERSUADE YOUR WIFE TO END HER AFFAIR. 3. ON THE SAME DAY go to the OM's facebook page and copy all of his facebook friends into a WORD doc. Prioritize them with the most important people at the top and work down, STARTING WITH HIS PARENTS. Send them a private message via facebook. [we have a template] space the PM's 60 minutes apart so you don't get shut down for flooding 4. sit down any kids over the age of 4 and tell them about their mothers affair. Encourage them to discuss it with their mother. 5. tell your wife you will not cooperate with any divorce schemes and if she files, you will countersue on grounds of adultery and have the OM hauled into court. Tell her you will be going for full possession of the house and primary custody because she is an unfit parent. 6. visit the OM face to face and tell this loser that you will fight for your marriage. Tell him there is no future for him because he will be eternally hated by your children for breaking up their family Can you do all this?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Let me know when each and every thing on that list has been done. Then I will give you next steps. But I am not going to re-type a plan over and over that you are going to ignore.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I think I've decided to move on. She's completely consumed with this guy. She doesn't even show any interest in our kids anymore. They keep saying they want to live with me, and I'm spending a lot of time with them. Again, everyone knows what she's done, my family, her family, friends, his friends and family. No one appears to be concerned. I just get "She says she hasn't been happy, and now she is." Well, I'm tired of fighting for someone who doesn't care about me anymore. The kids want to be with me, which is all I care about at this point. Yes, I'm sad that she's decided to walk away from a 13 year commitment, but I deserve better than her at this point.
Maybe some day she'll regret what she's done, then she can live in her own misery. But, I can't live like this anymore.
Last edited by HelpMeSaveIt; 08/04/11 08:00 AM.
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So, I've been posting some things on Facebook about her and what she's done. Just quotes about infidelity, broken promises, things like that. We have a lot of mutual friends on Facebook. Now she's getting very angry, telling me "I hope you're enjoying trashing me on Facebook, I can't believe you'd do this to someone who you claimed to have love so much. Why can't you just let it go and leave me alone?"
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Arrrgghhh!!!!! (Banging head on desk)
Are you trying your best to do things the wrong way?
Exposure, when done right, is NOT vindictive. You do it all at once and you don't trash your spouse. You simply tell those who may have some influence that your wife is having an affair, you love her very much and will fight for the marriage, and that you could use their help in influencing her to end the affair.
That's it! You don't drag it out over days and weeks, you don't reveal sordid details and try to get people to take sides, you don't try to humiliate her.
What you have done is trashing her and vindictive. Melody told you to send personal messages to friends on facebook, NOT post it all over your wall where everyone can read it. You don't rub it in her face by repeatedly posting disparaging comments.
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We can't help you if you refuse to listen. I have made numerous posts to you and you just refuse to do anything to save your marriage. I can't force you to do things.
All you have done by posting bullcrap on facebook is tick her off for absolutely no good reason. It does nothing to help your situation.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I haven't been "trashing" her. The few posts I've put up have been about marriage and commitment. I haven't put up things like "She is a b***h!" or anything like that. If anything, she has been putting worse things up on her facebook about me. Posts talking about how horrible the past has been, and how wonderful her future looks. And youtube videos of songs about people being stuck in horrible relationships and someone comes along and sweeps them out of it and treats them like a princess.
Last edited by HelpMeSaveIt; 08/10/11 01:54 PM.
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Because you refused to do anything we advised, your wife is perfectly free to present her affair in a very positive, shining light. She has been allowed - BY YOU - to gloss over her filthy affair by telling people "helpmesaveit and I have decided to move on and end our marriage. We have been miserable for years so it is the best thing. In the meantime I have a man I luuuuurve. He is my soulmate." squeak!
Now when you object you just look bitter and "can't move on."
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ALLOW THE WW TO CONTROL THE STORY.
If you had taken the advice here and exposed the affair like we said, you may have killed the affair by now with the help of social pressure. At the very least, your cheating wife would not be so flagrantly flaunting her affair in your face.
We tried and tried to help you but you took NONE of our advice.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I have a feeling my wife may be having thoughts of reconciling things. She was emailing and texting me throughout the weekend asking why I had to get so many people involved when the problems started. She is saying she feels that too many people are involved now and know what happened, so we probably couldn't reconcile, even if we wanted to. She asked if I wanted to go with her to our son's hockey game Tuesday night.
The few close friends I've spoken to about things said that I'd be and idiot if I took her back. My parents have said she's never welcome in their home ever again, no matter what.
What am I to do if she is feeling regretful and wants to try to fix things?
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