Hi Everyone. I've been lurking around here for some time now. I've learned a great deal from all of you and I'm very appreciative. Now I feel it's time to get involved because I'm scared to death of what might happen in the next few months.

Here's my story:

My WW started an A about 2.5 years ago. I was told about it 2 years ago in June 2009. It started at work. And looking back there were definite signs, but I was oblivious to them. I trusted her completely and wanted her to have some freedom to pursue her interests. She started talking to OM and they started running together. I would never agree to such a thing, but I thought it was a "group" event. It wasn't always and she began the lying and cheating. It didn't help matters that she worked an hour away from home and his house is about 5 minutes from there. So you can imagine how easy it was to manage the A.

The following year we did the in and out bullcrap. She would want to stay and then suddenly she would want to leave and be in her A again. Even before I found MB, I looked at what she was doing as an addiction. She was willing to sacrifice all her values, her family, and God just to do what she wanted. Accountability wasn't an option for her. So I understood that and felt that it was my responsibility as a husband to stand by and help her. Not leave her trapped in her own sin. We've never seen a counselor or sought help. And I've never been able to really restore our relationship because the A never truly ended. Therefore all the nice things I was trying to do were a wasted effort because she wasn't receptive to them at all.

July of last year she finally decided to move out. She got an apartment about 10 blocks away. The reason for this is because we have a 7 yr old daughter and we wanted to keep her in the same school. I've stayed in the house and really felt that we were over. Neither one of us has actually filed for D, but we weren't even communicating unless it was about our daughter. I was simply maintaining and suffering through depression. I even started dating a few people to please my own selfish desires. This went on until June of this year. I finally snaped out of my funk and realized that the life I was living wasn't at all me or what I wanted. I was STILL MARRIED!!

I got on MB and found the encouragement that I needed. I've learned so much about myself and her and the A and Love units and Love Busters. Everything seemed so clear. Everything made sense. So I talked with my WW one morning to tell her that I still wanted our marriage to work. She was shocked and told me that she wasn't really seeing the OM anymore. I was excited and asked her out on a couple dates. We went out a couple times and I felt like our path was going in the right direction.

However, the issue is that she still works at the same place and well as soon as she started feeling convicted and had to deal with the reality of what she had done, she went back to her addiction. The emotional abuse of this almost killed me. But because of MB and all you wonderful people, I was able to put the A in perspective and to be honest should have saw this coming.

She knows what is right and wrong. And after spending this past weekend together just talking about everything, she feels convicted again and wants to work on our marriage. Her cut off for the A was on Sunday. The problem is that she won't do what is required to protect herself from OM. She has to leave where she works and has to be willing to be accountable for her actions. She says she understands this, but she admits her selfishness wants to come out. It's only been two days and I already see the withdrawal taking a serious affect on her.

So that's why I'm on here now. I want to believe we have truly turned a corner, but I'm scared to death as well. What am I supposed to be doing now when she is in withdrawal. She has to go to the lions den everyday and I know it's just a matter of time before she loses her control again. I want to restore our marriage and she says she wants that too, I'm just not sure what I can do at this point. Should I tell her to come on here to communicate with all of you?

I would also like to understand from other FWW what my WW is going through and what I should be doing to help.

Obviously there is so much more to this story. But I need to actually do some work today. Thanks in advance for any and all help.

I am not in a position to give you advice but I do want to give you encouragement. The reason I came to this forum is that I was unfaithful to my husband, and I was trying to figure out what he was feeling and how to deal with the emotional roller coaster. I've received some great advice in my short time here and hope you find the help you need.

Please read up on exposure. That will kill this A dead in it's tracks almost immediately.

One or both of them will need to leave that job in order to even have a shot at recovery. There is no way around that as you have learned the hard way.

Since this has been going on for so long, my advice would be to immediately expose, while you are in an awesome, short-term Plan A. If the A does not end with exposure and/or one of them will not leave the job, go immediately to Plan B.

Welcome to Marriage Builders, TF. I am curious how she could be in withdrawal when she continues to see her OM at work every day?

Has the affair been exposed to everyone? All your family, her family, the workplace? What about the OM's family? What have you done to run off the OM and kill this affair?

And please don't send her here or you will lose this place as a resource.

Also, do not tell her you are going to expose, do not ask her permission (yes, men have done that ~ ludicrous but it's happened).

Are you ready to expose? Here is a partial list of exposure targets, you can add any to your particular sitch"

~your family and hers, YOUR DAUGHTER
~OM's family, especially a wife if he's married (don't take your WW's word for it either)
~their workplace
~mutual friends of WW and OM
~close friends of yours and your WW

Tf, in your lurking, did you happen to read about how we kill affairs?

And if you are wasting time thinking of reasons why you can't/shouldn't expose, please don't waste your time or ours. We have heard every excuse in the book.

My H's affair ended the DAY I exposed. Exposure is your most powerful weapon against this A and that is what you need!