karma and help,

I agree with your interpretation.

As for the wording, I like that it's tough. Definitely I need to play hardball with WW. But my family can't give me more money, or not a lot. This weakens my hand. Of course, I will leave my WW with the opposite impression. I meet with my lawyer Friday, and will get her thoughts about the cost of going to trial, etc.


----------------------------------------------
Me: BH, 40 (and jobless, again)
Her: WW, 34
Never lived together
Married 6 years; together 10 years
2 young kids (DD4 and DD2.5)
Her EA: Fall '08
She moves out of our home: 10/16/09
Informally separated
D-day: 01/22/10
D-day #2: 06/28/10
Exposed to 12 of my WW's and the OM's friends and family members plus all of my immediate family members and some extended family
In Plan B since 11/15/10
Her region is a 50/50 custody area
OM stopped working with her 08/10
Wife asks lawyer for legal separation 12/10
Wife files for D: 02/10/11
Hope is fading, but still there

It's expensive, I aint going to lie. But I don't regret the debt I'm in because of it because I have shared physical custody of my kids and I wouldn't have it any other way.

You can always represent yourself, if necessary. See if you can negotiate the hourly rate with your lawyer and if you can ask her to lower it a little. I asked and got it lowered by $25 less per hour.

Hi MJ,

Wow it has been awhile since I have been on here or seen any of your posts.

Well, what can you do? 1) buy and wear a striped poncho, 2) get a western-style hat with a low brim, 3) buy a bottle of whiskey, 4) buy a horse, 5) practice riding to her home on your horse, 6) practice having glinty eyes, 7) get a six gun or better two of them along with holsters, (the Hopolaong Cassidy or Lone Ranger types highly recommended) 8) tie your horse to her front gate, stride into her home, take out the whiskey bottle and pour a couple of drinks, 9) glint at her as you offer her a drink and say "i'm only going 50-50 babe, any objections?", 10) down your drink in one gulp, ask if he's here while she sees you touch your gun, 10) then, take your bottle of whiskey and simply walk out, 11) let her see you spit on her sidewalk before your climb on your horse to ride away, 12) then be confident that you have her wondering!

Factious yes, but isn't it what we would all love to do at certain times. Better than MB...*s*

MJ my comment is facetious but I dont know what else to say except that I will dedicate a decade of Mary's rosary for you. All I can do.

In reality Mary would not approve of me donning a poncho and guns to settle a similar situation..*s* But, she would approve of me calming down and turning to her for help. Most men, and perhaps women, wouldn't want to even admit that she is real and does exist. But, the best advice or gift I could give to you would be to take a chance and pray to her. It doesn't maean she would want us to not think smart or to exercise our abilities as human. It simply means she is a Mother who longs to help each and every one of us.

A decade for you MJ, but good luck and please start being more aggressive.

Tom

MJ,

Now I better get back to the home before they find I am missing..*s*...but prefer to watch a Gary Cooper movie now.


Tom

Hi MJ,

I just hope that you aren't upset with my facetious post to you the other day. I haven't been thru this at all, but it just seems that your W is trying to extort you, or in the very least cause you to back down. Any court trial is expensive. However, if she is expressing concern about the cost then she is worried about going full bore and financing a trial herself just to gain more favorable terms.

I just hope you stick with this and call her out.

Tom

Hi Tom,

Sorry I failed to respond to your posts. I didn't take offense at your messages at all. In fact, I chuckled at your cowboy post, which was clever. And I appreciate you saying a decade of the Rosary on my behalf. You are most kind. As for Mary, I pray to her, and to Monica for changing my WW. (I pray to St. Joseph to make me a holier man, but need to pray more).

I called Dr. H's show last week to ask if I could talk with WW about custody. My lawyer wants me to look more reasonable and level headed to the judge, so she encourages me to talk with WW. Dr. H said talking with WW was fine on the following conditions: I stay pleasant with WW, realize that WW will be negative and irrational, and my LB for WW will lose units. He was right. In WW didn't budge; I lost love units for her; and she was irrational. Oh well. Our lawyers provided their witness lists today. But don't worry. I'm not budging from my terms.

Sorry too for not keeping up with your threads. I read about your latest heartsickness over your beloved Char. I will put you and her in my intercessory prayers tonight.

----------------------------------------------
Me: BH, 40 (and jobless, again)
Her: WW, 34
Never lived together
Married 6 years; together 10 years
2 young kids (DD4 and DD2.5)
Her EA: Fall '08
She moves out of our home: 10/16/09
Informally separated
D-day: 01/22/10
D-day #2: 06/28/10
Exposed to 12 of my WW's and the OM's friends and family members plus all of my immediate family members and some extended family
In Plan B since 11/15/10
Her region is a 50/50 custody area
OM stopped working with her 08/10
Wife asks lawyer for legal separation 12/10
Wife files for D: 02/10/11
Hope is fading, but still there

My attorney asked if I could propose another custody-and-visitation schedule. WW rejected my standing offers:


According to WW, both schedules would interrupt the girls' school schedules once they start school. To me, the most important thing is taking my girls to church each weekend.

Can anyone devise another proposal?

----------------------------------------------
Me: BH, 40 (and jobless, again)
Her: WW, 34
Never lived together
Married 6 years; together 10 years
2 young kids (DD4 and DD2.5)
Her EA: Fall '08
She moves out of our home: 10/16/09
Informally separated
D-day: 01/22/10
D-day #2: 06/28/10
Exposed to 12 of my WW's and the OM's friends and family members plus all of my immediate family members and some extended family
In Plan B since 11/15/10
Her region is a 50/50 custody area
OM stopped working with her 08/10
Wife asks lawyer for legal separation 12/10
Wife files for D: 02/10/11
Hope is fading, but still there

Do you live in the same school district, or would you have an issue with driving them to school?

it,

Thanks for your question. We live in different school districts, about half an hour away with traffic.

----------------------------------------------
Me: BH, 40 (and jobless, again)
Her: WW, 34
Never lived together
Married 6 years; together 10 years
2 young kids (DD4 and DD2.5)
Her EA: Fall '08
She moves out of our home: 10/16/09
Informally separated
D-day: 01/22/10
D-day #2: 06/28/10
Exposed to 12 of my WW's and the OM's friends and family members plus all of my immediate family members and some extended family
In Plan B since 11/15/10
Her region is a 50/50 custody area
OM stopped working with her 08/10
Wife asks lawyer for legal separation 12/10
Wife files for D: 02/10/11
Hope is fading, but still there

Where they are not in school yet - I would go every other week with her Sunday - Saturday and leave it at that.

You are not going to get every Saturday with your Girls. The weeks you have the girls you can take them to church more often or have more bible study.

Split 50/50 with her this way. This will give you more leverage down the road if you need to seek full custody.

You need to get yourself a job ASAP. If that is McDonalds or Home Depot or Macys -- just get a job. I cannot see your chances being increased for sole custody down the road without a job.

What did your lawyer say about a job?

Move into her school district or work something out with her on school district.

Do not back down on every other week. It is your best choice.

If you are going for 50/50 why is her school district dictating? Why can't the girls go to your school district?

Yes, the girls can go to your school district. But a 30 minute drive isn't crazy. Get before and after care at the school and it's a non issue.

I live about 20 minutes from my kids school and it sucks for me in terms of driving to work afterwards, but it would work out in a 50/50 if I got a job that wasn't so far away.

Get a job near their school and it then simply becomes an issue of you dropping them off on your way to work and picking them up after.

Take away their excuses. Not living in the same district isn't a killer if the drive to their school isn't bad.

Your WW will reject all arrangements that minimize her CS. So tell her that those are your offers and you will not change them. If she doesn't like it, then the judge can decide. Virginia should be fair, especially with adultery in the equation.

I would skip the crazy schedule also. As a mom - I want stability only.

That is why I say every other week. This will drastically reduce CS and it may force her into CS for you.

You tell that lawyer of yours that will not settle for less than 50/50. Virginia is awesome for kids, especially with adultery. Do not let WW dictate this at all-stay in the driver's seat.

Even if you lawyer is half-azzed - insist you will not back down with 50/50.

Give her this weekly option.

Has she brought you any options?

You're in VIRGINIA?

Yes! Yes! Listen to ITL!

You ask a good question. I'll ask my lawyer why the kids can't go to school in my state.

I told WW she had two options: Thurs-Sat. evening or the Mon-Tues. with her, Wed-Thurs with me, alternate weekends. She knows my plan.

My lawyer proposed the latter plan as well. You think this is a crazy schedule?

I think it would be better if you both had an even amount of time--in one stretch, like one week on, one week off, that sort of thing.

The vets around here are a little better at suggestions though.

One week on and one week of gets confusing for the kids. The weekday schedule is predictable for the kids and it is good for the parents as well.

Stick to your guns