|
|
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247 |
I agree with ML.
Facebook is not worth it. Regardless of how you "sell" it to him (he can see everything, he has the password).
The fact is: If he asked you to close it, and you didn't - he will use that as a justification for his actions.
Just close it; and show him how an adult addresses issues.
And, I suggest you shut down the "friend" and the "friend of the friend" that you used to send fake texts. That was nothing more than manipulation on your part. Don't play games.
You have every right to request that your husband have MORE boundries than the usual husband. Because he has violated your trust before. His behavior has to change.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 38
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 38 |
I did shut it down, it was stupid. I was just trying to show him how it feels because I knew how he would react. It was a really dumb dumb game.
I have already taken facebook off my phone, I have to wait until I get home to completely disable it. I think it is too late anyway.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I did shut it down, it was stupid. I was just trying to show him how it feels because I knew how he would react. It was a really dumb dumb game.
I have already taken facebook off my phone, I have to wait until I get home to completely disable it. I think it is too late anyway. mom, people resort to games like this when they are not defending their boundaries. When you start defending your boundaries in a serious way, he will start to take you seriously.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 38
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 38 |
You are right ML. I have been so scared. I have landed right back in the same spot. I want so badly to make things work I have lost myself, and self respect.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247 |
MNMOM --
I really like Melody's list -- and I think you should give it to him.
Tell him that your marriage is in crisis, and that these requirement should have been in place after his last affair.
Tell him that you do not feel safe, and that you need him to protect you and put your feelings first. Give him the list.
At the same time, you must be prepared to defend these boundries.
Are you ready to leave him if he does not agree?
Start getting your ducks in a row.
Who lives where?
Support $$ amount?
Write a plan B letter.
Think about intermediaries, and who is available.
Clean up your side of the marriage. Good for you on getting rid of facebook. Meet his needs for now, but start getting ready to go dark.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 38
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 38 |
I have been doing research on plan b to brush up. I am going to do plan A until I get everything ready and organized. I read Scotlands thread (took hours) but she seemed to have a good grasp.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Mnmom, you can give him your conditions today and if he disagrees, ask him to move out. Then you will have a couple of days to prepare for Plan B. But you need to get him moved out before you go into plan b.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 38
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 38 |
Does anyone know if "house sharing" works in these situations? Meaning that on his days with the kids, I leave and he stays there and vise versa on his days?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686 |
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247 |
mnmon --
No, then he still gets his "fix" of homelife.
And where do you go to when he's having his time?
If its an apartment that you share, have you considered that you then have absolutely no privacy from him? All of your mail and personal items are available to him.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 25
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 25 |
mnmom,
I know a couple doing this now because the ww demanded it and he gave in thinking it was in the best interest of the children. Sounds good doesn't it? These poor kids are now so confused the only recourse they have is to act out. My heart breaks for them.
seeing this in action I would say no, it doesn't work.
me: bw, 50
he: wh, 51
m: 1990
sep: 2007
dd: 18
ds: 14
dd: 11
multiple affairs: two with past gf's, one email dalliance.
Too many d-days to count. First one 2/06. After all this time, it's still my fault.
I've had enough. Divorce in progress.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
1 members (1 invisible),
672
guests, and
49
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
