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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 3,786
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 3,786 |
One of my friends told me I need to explain my NO. I will preface it by saying that I do have a great marriage today. I love my husband passionately and he loves me. Our marriage brings us more joy than anything else in our lives.
That being said, when I found out about my H's affair, I had been married for FOUR MONTHS. I had no history, no kids. So the ONLY history I had with him was traumatic. There were several red flags when I was dating him that I ignored because I was in a state of shock due to personal tragedies. If I had known what my H was doing behind my back while we were dating/engaged, I would have never married him. I was deprived of that choice.
Another thing going against us is that I stupidly started dating him while I was still married. My H had left me for another woman after 20 years of marriage. The divorce was filed, but I was still married. You ask yourself what kind of a man dates a married woman? [and what kind of a stupid woman dates when she is married??]
My H has made a dramatic personal change in his life and become what I consider a good man and a great, loving husband, but the fight was too long and too hard. It took closer to FIVE YEARS to come out of the woods in a significant and meaningful way. FIVE YEARS. For a marriage that was FOUR MONTHS OLD. That is not what we call a good return on investment in my business!
When other couples come here, they at least have a history with the person. Very often they have kids. I had NEITHER. If I came on this board today presenting the situation above, I would tell that woman to RUN FOR HER LIFE!! Only by the Grace of God is this a survival story. I get two doses of emotions from your story. One dose is to never give up hope because even the really bad wayward can make radical changes, and the second dose is reality and the chances a wayward actaully does the 360 is slim. It goes to show if you can put in the hard work and time - great success can come in the end! Thanks for the great story. Truly inspiring!
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
[
It goes to show if you can put in the hard work and time - great success can come in the end! Thanks for the great story. Truly inspiring! There is no marriage on earth that is WORTH what I went through. No marriage. Ask me if I would do it again and the answer is NO. The fact that I stuck it out is not because I was virtuous but because I was TOO BROKEN ON MY KNEES TO GET OUT. Nothing inspiring about making bad decisions and staying in a bad situation when you are broken down.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
No. Seeing the infidelity in my future? I would never do it. I think that would be like asking someone if they would like to contract cancer and go through recovery from it. HELL, no.
I love my husband and can't imagine life without him. But I would never purposely do that to myself.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 430
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 430 |
Yes, I would marry my H all over again. He was a good man until he had an affair. I hope that one day he will be again. Until then I pray every day to God to help us both. I still love him and believe in "until death do you part" and always will no matterwhat anyone else says.
BW-me 47yrs
WH-him 50yrs
married 24yrs, together 25 yrs,DD 25yrs, DD 22yrs(granddaughter born 3/14/2012).
D-Day#1 discovered cell phone calls 6/30/2009
D-Day#2 7/26/2009
Plan D 06/2012/WH served 8/17/12
WH left 7/25/2009/WH moved in with OW 7/29/2009
Trying to reconcile 12/30/2009/left 10/22/2010
2nd OW 8/2011? and living in Idaho.
"Dochas" Gaelic for hope which I have with me at all times because it is tattooed on my lower back.
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