This is just my personal opinion, based on my experience.
I would NEVER have taken my husband back as my husband if he had not confessed the affair to OWH.

I know myself.
I cannot really love a man whom I do not respect.

What your WH did when he lied to OWH would be a deal killer in my eyes.

AMJL,

I was told the OWH's was violent and abusive as well. After I exposed my husband told me I was going to responsible for a murder-suicide!

Yeah - well, those who knew the OWH closely said he had never been violent his entire life. In fact, his brother and SIL said he was a slave to OW - whatever she wanted, he did.

It is highly unlikely that the OWH is truly violent. Never say never - but it is usually the first thing a cheating woman says about her husband, that he's abusive. SICK...but true.

I don't have the tape. It was on his cell phone and he ripped it away from me before I got a chance to get it off the phone. It is now deleted. But I could describe the room to detail. And I have never been inside their house.

Oh and her parents already know. On the video, my WH asks her if she had talked to her mom and she said yes, she told her mom it was a coworker.

The OW is the one who has been telling my WH that her husband is violent. She told my WH that he had punched hole in the walls in their house. I told my WH that it was better the wall than her.

I will call the OWH and see what he wanted or needs.

It would be GREAT if you called them up and asked them to persude their daughter to leave your husband alone. Tell them he is a MARRIED MAN so his future with her is ruined. You can also tell them that OW tells everyone the OWH is "violent."

And what about your WS's sister and parents? Did you tell them?


Good job!! Keep up the pressure and get all these exposures done today if you can. You need to get them done so you can move onto the next step. You are doing great!! Don't let up!!

Probably because he knows his wife is having an affair - sometimes husbands become physically distraught.

You'll notice he didn't strike HER.

Okay I am trying to figure out how to get her parents phone number. I guess I could ask the OWH for the number.

Right after I posted my WH called to check on me and see if I was okay. Then right after I hung up with him the OWH called. That was weird. But we only got to talk for about 5 minutes until she came in the room.

Basically, he still doesn't believe me. He is making excuses for the phone calls. I gave him my WH's other 2 cell phone #'s he had, he changed his number this spring. So I gave him those and told him to look for those on the bills. He said he would. I also told him that they are still texting. She is texting my WH to let him know what he(OWH) is doing. And that she is telling my WH that he(OWH) is violent. He does not sound violent. He sounds sad and hurt. He is trying to piece this together, and I understand b/c I spent 2 months doing that.

I was about to start describing the room again when she walked in. He said he would call me tomorrow. I did tell him however that her Mom knows about the A b/c of what was said on the video. So he might go talk to her now. I hope he does.

I'm glad I answered the phone tonight. I knew that the OW was lying about her husband.

You did great! I figured that the OW and your H were gaslighting the OWH about the affair and that if you didn't say something, they would be successful. I would stay in touch with him and continue to give him as much information as possible.

Can you find her mothers contact info on facebook? Whitepages.com? If you can't find it, I would ask the OWH for the #.

Have you exposed the affair to your H's family yet? I would get that done. Be sure and let them know he outright lied to the OWH. Ask them to speak to your H and persuade him to end his affair.

My husband told me that too, that the OWH was mad and a violent man and that because of the exposure I put the OW in danger. I laughed at him and said I think that was you that did that by sleeping with his wife........That was the end of that conversation............
I would stay in contact with the OWH for a while just to compare notes,
Expose as many people as you can........They will not be able to continue without everyone watching, it will start them fighting about covering their stories.......
Score, that is what you want. Let the reality hit hard.........
My husband's OWH also seemed very sad, cried when we spoke in person for his family and his life.........didn't seem very violent to me......
The adultery partners will spin any story they have to in order to protect their own azz's ..............
Stay with it, in the mean time be sweet, look good, smell good.......firm always saying I will do anything I have to in order to save my marriage, do not feel bad or guilty about that........
If he is mad so what ......that is what you want...

I spoke to the OWH again this morning. He told me that she has been telling him I'm crazy and that I just want to break up their marriage. Well, in fact she texts me this morning that "Bravo! While your son is fine. My husband told our children I slept with M. U need to get your facts straight." I could not text her back at the time b/c I was driving so I called and left her a message. That said "Good I'm glad your husband told your kids what an adulterous whore their mother is. Stop contacting MY husband and just worry about your own husband." That might not have been a smart thing to do but I couldn't NOT respond. Then her husband calls me later and tells me that she has told him that they are not planning on stopping this A. And apologizes for not believing me the other day. He asks me how long the A was and I told him that the relationship started in Sept of 09. Right while we were going through fertility treatments to get pregnant. And that is what hurt the most. That they both did this while I was pregnant, but it did look like when I had the baby the relationship slowed down. But never did it stop.That she has his number saved under a different name in her phone. Of course she does. He hung up abruptly bc I heard her come in the room yelling at him. My WH then tries calling me and I didn't answer so he calls my sister and tells her that the OWH is recording our conversations and is going to go to HR. Well, I am too. I am trying to find the right people to contact. This is a HUGE company. My WH text me and tells me that I don't need to be calling him or calling her at work. That he's hurt b/c he feels like I'm conspiring against him with the OWH. That this all needs to stop before it becomes a legal issue. But I asked him how he knows the conversation was recorded. Did she tell him? Did he hear the conversation? If it was her that told him why does he believe her? That until he stops choosing her over me then to not call me. If he needs something he can text me. He doesn't answer the question. But he tells me that by calling her at work and leaving a message can create a legal issue for me. I don't think so. I didn't threaten her at all. I told her to leave my husband alone. If anything it will create a mess for her.

I think I'm doing okay right? I'm doing this right?

You're doing OK.
TRY to remain as unemotional as possible.

oopsie .... too late

You're doing GREAT!

Everything's not so rosey in lala land now is it? Exposure rarely ends the affair immediately. Sometimes it does (if you look around you can find examples on here), but what exposure does is lays the whole nasty thing out there for everyone to see and that starts the love birds fighting with each other which is the beginning of the end of the A.

Your job now is to finish up the exposures like everyone has suggested. Your H will be mad as you've seen, but tough.

Whatever you do, do not engage him in any arguements. If he tries to bait you into a fight, calmly reply that you'll be happy to talk to him when he's rational and then end the conversation.

He needs you to be the bad guy. How else can he justify what he's doing. But if you won't argue/fight with him, who's he going to blame then?

If you haven't heard it yet, get ready for the "I was going to give you a chance, but not now" speech. All waywards say that in one form or another.

Let him spew his anger and let it roll off you like water off a ducks back. He'll get over it soon enough.

H4U

You're doing great so keep it up!

Of course he's going to try to guilt you into stopping what you're doing. He wants you to let him have his affair without consequences! Next time he spews that BS, tell him to knock that crap off right now: if he hadn't had an affair, he wouldn't be in this mess and to try to blame it on you is flat out insulting. He can either quit cheating on you and get with the program or he can file for a divorce because you are DONE living with this mess and REFUSE to have a third party present in your marriage.

I suspect that he'll shape up once he figures out that you don't need to be married this badly.

And I think you did the right thing by responding to OW.

Keep it up!

Babble back when he spews nonsense.

WH: "You're conspiring against me."
You: "Do you know what conspiring means?"
WH: "Yes"
You: "It means something done in secret. It's no longer a secret that you are having an affair."

WH: "All this needs to stop. Do you want me to lose my job?"
You: "Don't worry. I'm sure your company has rules."

WH: "You're so hateful"
You: "I know. I hate adultery."

WH: "You're so bitter."
You: "That's because I am so sweet on the inside. How are you?"

What you say in response does not need to make sense.
It needs to be unexpected is all.
Your response needs to divert away from his nonsense.
WH does not get to set your agenda.

My WH's family is NO HELP at all! I just talked to his mom who had the nerve to ask me if I was being a "good wife" to him and maybe that's why he had an A! Are you freaking kidding me?!?! Then she goes on to tell me to make sure I don't do anything to jepordize his job. I said I'm not his actions are what will get him fired not me. I am so mad right now. I'm shaking. How dare she! And his sister has already told me I shouldn't have gone to the OWH or anything else! His family is no help to me. I can't believe this.

Good job!!!

Keep the heat up!! Have you been able to find skankyhola's parents and facebook friends?

The exposure letter for workplace should go to the director of Human Resources, a key VP and both their supervisors. I would get that off today while you have them on the ropes!!

Developed by Brits Brat, board member and corporate attorney

To Whom It May Concern:

This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.

WS and WS are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place, primarily, in the workplace. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involves the inappropriate use of company resources and assets. WS and WS are using company time and company resources to further their affair. If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers, you will find the two of them are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their sexual relationship.

If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.

Regards,

BS
_________________________

Now, if you were going around saying OW was a prostitute and slandering her name by saying that she was a pedophile or a child-abuser, then THAT might be a legal issue.

What you're doing isn't.


He's probably either spun the story to his mother, or she herself has had an affair/affairs in the past.

He really needs our help. Do you want to bring him here? He is a wimpy sort of fella. If you brought him here would he keep it quiet from his WW?

Sorry to hear that they aren't supporting you.

At least you know who you cannot count on, and I'd just avoid talking to them about anything other than the weather.

You could always just say "I'm sorry to hear that you support H's adultery" but it'd fall on deaf ears. Like karmasrose said, he's either spun the story (and the comment about you not being a good wife would support that) or they had affair(s) of their own and lack the morals needed in this case.

So the OWH did record our conversation. At least when I asked him he told me yes he did. But how my WH got it I'm not sure. It's on his cell phone. Not sure if the OW sent it to him or if the OWH sent it to him. I'm just really sick of all of this.

I'm done with all that. I need to focus all my attention and energy on my 14 month old son and me. My WH has not respected the fact that I don't want to see or hear from him until all contact has been broken. But I am not backing down. When he made a comment about how he pays the mortgage I told him fine he can live hear and me and our son will go live somewhere else. His reaction was "you can take my son and run away" I told him I wouldn't run with our son. I'm not kidnapping him. Just living somewhere other than the house that he pays for. Then he pulled the same thing with my cell phone and I told him fine I'll just get a different one. He gave me my phone back. He is not use to me being like this. I am normally super sweet and don't really do confrontation. I'm not letting him walk all over me anymore. I am taking care of myself and my baby boy.

Hard part is he is going to have my baby Saturday-Sunday. I'm going to be lonely and sad and miss my baby like crazy!! How do y'all do this? (The ones with kids.)I know he needs to see his Dad, but it's like a part of me is missing. I have only been away from him once and that was last month for one night!