With the holidays coming what do you suggest? Is this something I should do over the holidays, now or after?

Dear friends and family,

I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of xxxx and I. As some of you know, xxxxx has recently asked me for a separation, which has shattered my heart. To my shock, I am saddened to have discovered that the reason is because she has been carrying on an affair with a old boyfriend named xxxxx xxxxx who resides in xxxxxx. He is also married and has young children . The purpose of the separation is so that she can carry on her affair without my interference.

She refuses to end the affair. I want our marriage to recover from this affair. If you have any influence on my babe, please do what you can to get her to stop this dangerous affair. I want to stay married, but the affair must end.

As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with xxxx to persuade her to end her affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only end the affair. Please support her in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.

I would so appreciate your support and prayers.

Warmest regards,

Dear friend of (OM)

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of his friends should know the kind of person he really is. Joe had an affair with my wife, Sally, from Aug until September. I believe that his friends should know this, so you can protect your marriage from him. My wife and I have 2 small daughters and this affair has almost wrecked our marriage.

I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify his parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.

Thank you, BH

***********************


Dear friend of OW,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of her friends should be aware that OW is having an affair with my husband, Joe. We have been married for 5 years. They have been having this affair since October according to the evidence.
I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would ask that you use your influence with OW to persuade her to leave my husband alone. You should also watch your own husbands around her because she is no friend to marriage.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify her parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.
Thank you, BW

Oh, yes, having the kids call OM would be massive pressure to end it.

did either of you use this and if so, did it save your marriage?

Thanks SugarCane!

This has been very welcomed advice. I agree but I admit I'm scare of the outcome, especially when it comes to the kids (ours and his). Sounds like your situation is similar to mine.... my wife has been in the affair for around 2 years and your situation was 3 years? We've been married for 24 years.... it just feels scary. I wonder if it will just push her away or how the OM will react. I also wonder how her family will do.... they may not be interested in taking part. I talked to her mom and she said she isn't the person to give relationship advice and we should just let her do what she needs to do.... keep in mind she doesn't know about the affair, just that my wife left and came back and now is thinking about leaving again.

Mine is an exposure success story. I don't have it written down in a single thread, so it would take too long for you to search it. In a nutshell:

I traced OW in about 5 minutes of internet searching. She actually lives in a different country from me, and yet I had her full name, home address, occupation, husband's address and his email within a few minutes of using a search engine.

I tried to make my H stop the affair, but did not expose (because I had not found Marriage Builders) and the affair continued, hidden more carefully, for over a year after D Day.

After 16 months of false recoveries, My H changed job so that he no longer travelled, but the couple continued their EA by phone for 6 more months.

After 6 months of that, I found this forum and immediately exposed to OWH. The affair crumbled.

The EA was restarted after several months, when OW rang my H at work. They spoke on the phone about twice a year for the next two or three years. When I discovered this earlier this year, I re-exposed. Neither of the exposures broke up her marriage because, like most of us here, her H took the decision that 30 years of marriage was too much to throw away without trying to recover.

My H has now retired altogether and OW cannot contact him at work. She wouldn't dare contact him on my landline, and my H has no mobile phone. They are not in contact by internet as I have a key logger on the PC, and he does not know what a key logger is.

You have to

1. expose the affair to OWH. If OW and your H were planning to move in together, they would have done so by now. What is stopping her from leaving him? Only the fact that she does not want a life with your H. When this affair is revealed to her H, she will have to admit to herself and your H that she does not want to leave her marriage for him.

2. Change the environment that made the affair possible. Your H will have to change his job. I know you think that he cannot stop working, but he can, and he must. If you are give the straightforward choice between his keeping his job and the affair, or his giving up his job and giving your marriage a chance, which would you choose? I would have chosen unemployment over a broken marriage any day.

Also, do not be scared of OW or her H, for reasons of their ethnicity or anything else. She has committed a grievous harm against you and your son, and SHE needs to be scared of YOU. Raise holy hell about your marriage and her invasion of it, and let her and her husband know that her theft of what is yours has ended, as of today.

As far as I know, you live in a country where attacks on people for telling the truth about adultery are not tolerated. What, really, do you fear her husband will do to you?

On the other hand, your husband deserves whatever OWH does to HIM, but that's another discussion.

OW in my case made suicide threats to my H, as well as once ringing me begging me not to tell her H. I fully accepted the arguments that exposure was spiteful, and that it would backfire on me by driving my H and OW together, and that it was wicked and mean to break up another family merely to get vengeance for the fact that I couldn't keep my own husband faithful.

It took my coming to this forum and reading other people's sensible, logical arguments to realise that by keeping the affair secret from OWH, I was actually giving OW my blessing for her to continue having sex with my H.

I was protecting her marriage when what I should have been protecting was my own, and kids. How had I let my mamma bear instincts towards my two children, whom I would die for, get so weak and corrupted? I couldn't believe my own stupidity.

You are an intelligent woman, wife and mother. Protect what is yours.

Where do I find what all of the acrunyms are in your signatures? DH, WS, etc.... Some I can figure out but others I'm not sure what they mean

we have a very close family but not a very open family! We're kind of strange like that So I am concerned how her family will respond to exposure, or even our kids. They will certainly be upset and probably won't have any problems showing that, but again, I just don't want to make them hate their Mom.

we have a very close family but not a very open family! We're kind of strange like that So I am concerned how her family will respond to exposure, or even our kids. They will certainly be upset and probably won't have any problems showing that, but again, I just don't want to make them hate their Mom.