The goal is to recover your marriage. The more you bring up OM the more stuck you become.

As difficult as it is -- he needs to be put out of your thoughts.

If he triggers you and you begin to get angry, pull out the picture of your kids and look at them for a while. Talk a short walk and breathe deeper. The goal: KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE PRIZE

You are giving your kids and your WW the greatest gift on the planet. Your kids are now, and I mean IMMEDIATELY, looking at you and every move you make.

You are officially showing them what kind of man you are and what kind of man they want in their lives.

As painful as this is and as difficult as this is remember keep your EYES on the Prize.

You were united in one with your wife, and she maliciously cut the two of you in half. Today and each day you move forward will mend this deep wound. Soon you will be whole again.

Come here to vent, yell, curse, scream, belittle, etc. at your wife. Do not do it to her face. Keep yourself as in line with her EN's as possible.

You are doing great!!!!

Yep. She needs to completely shut down her account. If she simply cannot do without daily updates with her friends, set up an account for BOTH of you. YOU have the password. If she wants to access FB she can do it with you around and with you logging her in so you can monitor everything.

Welcome (officially) to Marriage Builders, Mr. CT!

Where does she work? Is there a way she (and you) can talk to her employer and request that her internet be blocked? I suspect there may be sites she'll need to go to for work, but can her employer block all sites other than those?

How's it going, CharpyTest? You haven't been back in a few days.

Thanks for checking in americajin. Sorry that I haven't been on much this week. WW and I are committed to getting our 20+ UA time in every week, work has been crazy, kids keep up busy, so something had to give and my computer has been very limited this week.

We took Melody's advice and sat down and scheduled our UA time for the week. So far, so good. We are going away together this weekend, so we are both excited about that.

WW actions have really improved this week. She is getting farther away from the last 'google' contact (it's been 4 weeks now) and the fog is clearing again. She is committed to sticking to our EPs, and is demonstrating that she is doing just that.

She received an unexpected email from POSOM�s sister. The sister has been a close friend of my wife for over 15 years. Godmother to one of my kids, etc. She was like the sister my wife never had. When I discovered the affair in April, WW agreed to immediately go no contact with the POSOM�s sister. WW keep to that until July when WW started to slip with the facebook and googling POSOM. Around that time she included POSOM�s sister on a bulk email. Well, POSOM�s sister obviously took that as an invite to restart the friendship. WW received a very heartfelt email from the sister, trying to restore the friendship. WW immediately told me about it, and admitted to her mistake in July of including the sister on the bulk email. We agreed that WW should send another, more direct no contact letter to the sister.

So, we are hanging in there. Still dealing with the poor choices my wife made after D-Day, but she seems committed now to making the right choices and sticking with the program. We received the SAA book, and WW has been reading it every night. I will start on it this weekend.

Her depression is also being managed much better now. Her psychiatrist is great, and her new medication seems to be working. This is really a key part for us to get to recovery. The depression has been so intense since D-Day, she was struggling just to get out of bed. With the Fog and the Depression, there was very little of her left to work on the recovery for the past 6 months.

I don't really look at it as blackmail, it is more mutually assured destruction. The only thing in the world that the POSOM has to lose is his job. His family knew of and condoned the affair, he has no friends, he is an alcoholic and he is mentally ill. I on the other hand have a lot to lose. My children have a lot to lose. Anything that I can do to ensure that he stays out of my life and away from my family forever is worth it. A man with absolutely nothing to lose is dangerous and unpredictable (especially a literal crazy drunk). The mild satisfaction that I would get from ruining his life (even more than it already is) isn't worth the risk of harm to my children, or the risk of me going to jail for removing him as a threat permanently.

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or the risk of me going to jail for removing him as a threat permanently.

I wasn't advocating physical violence, even though the thought of a T-Ball bat to both shins has probably crossed your mind at some point. But it would be the thought that I could have lost a significant amount of time with my children until they are 18 due to the actions of both my wife and the OM that would drive me to take further action. Your wife HAS sworn to NC, right? So if she is really sincere, you have absolutely nothing to worry about from Mr Felon, yes? In my mind, a man who interferes in the family of another, knowing how family court treats men, deserves absolutely no mercy.

I do understand your reasoning, however, and I hope for you that it does work out the way that you want it to. If I still had younger children, a key component to my being willing to try to work things out with a cheating spouse would be a post-nuptual agreement detailing 50/50 physical and legal custody. Would reassure me that my WS was really sincere in wanting to build a new marriage.

I know you weren't advocating violence, I was just trying to make the point that I didn't want to do anything that would increase the likelihood of this POSOM showing up drunk at my door. The only violence would be in self-defense protecting my family. I'm really not interested in confronting this guy at all. I don't know if it is odd, but throughout this whole time, I have never really been angry or jealous with the POSOM. I've had fleeting moments of rage towards him, but he generally doesn't cross my mind. My WW really really 'affaired down'.

I am more focused on my WW, and her promises to me. Yes, she has sworn to NC. After the NC letter in May, she hasn't contacted him directly, and the POSOM has moved on to a new women (a single woman this time). Our problem has be 'indirect' contact, like hacking into his email, googling his name, etc.

WW now understands that any contact, even indirect, will prevent our recovery. She has sworn to end the indirect contact too. It's been a month since that agreement, and things are better. She knows that she has no more chances with me left. Indirect or not, any contact will have severe consequences.

I have been considering a post-nuptial, both for my protection and to send the right message to my wife. I am just starting my research on them, and in my state it looks like the agreements can't detail child custody. I think I would feel better with some kind of agreement in place.

CT,

I just stumbled across your thread and see we have a lot in common. How has the past month been? Has your anger come under control?

I would like to discuss your recovery and share ideas.