Cat 3 cable was used for computers in the early-mid 90's. It's only 10mbs. It's kind of hard to find it, and if your H was patching something together recently, most likely it would have been with cat5 or 6 cable as it is more commonly used. It's probably a phone line that was added in, as that is pretty much all it's used for anymore.

Our child is 3 yrs old. Additional info: We have both been married before. He was married for 16 yrs, no kids. I was married and lived with my ex for 5 yrs and we stayed married, but were separated for about 8-9 yrs before we divorced. I have one child from my 1st marriage...a teenager who is in college. As i said earlier, I have always had a job, sometimes 2 jobs to support me and my oldest child and never completed college. I just made up my mind to go back to school since I moved to be with my current H and have not been able to find a job. Retail jobs are out of the question, b/c I would be required to work weekends and probably nights. I have no one to keep the little one. I thought about trying to get house cleaning jobs while I am in school just so I could have a flexible schedule and earn money. I really need the money. Plus the little independence it would give me would probably boost my esteem. I have never liked asking anyone for anything. About the ex-wife...she has "appeared" at ball games by herself a couple of times and her seat just happened to be a few rows in front of ours. We get season tickets every year so the next year we moved to the other side of the stadium....well guess who shows up and her seat is once again a few rows in front of ours. Anyway, i have heard that she would take him back and that she was very upset when she found out that i was having a baby. They never had any children. One night he told me that "you don't miss what you have until it's gone, and that the ex-Mrs. _ _ _ _ _ regrets it every day." I asked him how did he know? And i also asked him what makes him think that she has not moved on with her life after all this time. Is he still in contact with her? Oh, and her nephew just started going to the same daycare where my child goes and she picks him up once or twice a week. I thought about removing my child from there, but she likes her school and i don't want to disrupt her schedule. Like I said, there is just so much i can't keep up with it all.

Thanks CV! Could just be a phone line. The house is less than 10 years old.

Just thought of something after reading an earlier post. DID he use me to have a child? Although, he had given me a ring and proposed before I got pregant,he wouldn't commit to a date or discuss setting one. He never really acted like he wanted to get married. Honestly, I was in no rush either and i could relate b/c I had been married before too. But when our child was approaching the age of 2 and we were living in the home that he built for "us" while he lived in his home he built a few years prior, i started to question where the relationship stood. Was the ring just for "show" to keep me on lockdown. I wanted to be with someone who wanted to be with me full time and not play house on the weekends. I didn't think it was fair that I had to be the one "up all night" with the baby with no help while he snoozed away in bed 70 miles away from us. I worked 10 1/2 hour days and had to drive about an hour to work one way. I was exhausted every day. I finally put my foot down...either we were going to be "together" together or we would end the relationship and go our separate ways. We finally set a date and got married last year. So, yes I could put my foot down, but then I could end up worse off than I am right now. I could end up homeless. (Fear kicking in, I know) For now, I have a home, a nice one at that. In fact, both homes are beautiful and worth over a mil and a half together. But money is not everything. i am not a materialistic person and that was what he liked about me or so he said. Although he never says anything neg about the ex, that was the one thing he did tell me...she was a material girl and she often accused him of cheating and he couldn't deal with it anymore. Hmmmm....... Anyways, I have done more snooping these last two months, I am starting to scare myself. My eyes and ears are in tune with everything and I feel so weird hanging out with binoculars and VARs. Like someone else said, it's almost like a joke. But this is my life and it does seem like something off of tv and I never thought it would be me. It really is sickening to me...being put in a postion where i feel like snooping is something I HAVE to do, driving by his office, the OW house, going in the attic, googling peoples names and using spokeo to find info. I didn't know I had it in me. But I have found a great deal of info. i just don't know what to do with it all.

Although he never says anything neg about the ex, that was the one thing he did tell me...she was a material girl and she often accused him of cheating and he couldn't deal with it anymore. Hmmmm
___________________

Been there, done that.
I had someone tell me most women were arrogant.
I quickly learnt that this meant I would have to agree to any of his whims without daring to say something to the contrary, no matter how ridiculous his thoughts were. I did not want to be like the former, arrogant girls, did I?
I censored myself to not be arrogant, but wound up instead trying to be totally submissive and subservient.

I narrowly escaped. (shiver)

He has you manipulated to imprison yourself. Not daring to ask for money for fear to be 'a material girl' like his former wife. And for a long time, not daring to think he was cheating, like the bad former wife.
LOL, he has you like a puppet on a string, dancing like crazy.

Look at yourself, you are contemplating getting a cleaning job, to make ends meet and he is keeping all of hi BIG? money to himself. You are just justifying it by saying that you have always been independant. But where does independance say that a wife dare not ask money for her child from the man she conceived it with, her husband???

Let me guess, you signed all your rights away with a voluntary prenuptial agreement, right?

Oh, these men...

Happyheart

The former wife wrongly accused him of cheating. Ya think?

You have only been living with him for one year now and you already know he has an inappropriate relationship in his office.

My best guess is, that he was living the bachelor life over there for the 2 years prior to your moving in.

no prenup here. he did mention that before we got married but i told him that the only way i would sign one would be if he paid for me to get my own attorney aside from his so i could get fair legal counseling. i don't think he was expecting to hear that from me and he dropped the issue. yes, he makes good money but he also pays ALL the bills. And if I have to go clean someone's house for money to sock away, I am not too big to do that. i am in survival mode here. it's not about me anymore. I have a child to think about and i need to keep a plan b,c and d because i don't know what tomorrow will bring. i may be a dancing fool for now, but not always and that is what keeps me going.

The former wife wrongly accused him of cheating. Ya think?

Of course that's the way he wants me to think. I'm a woman and I know how we think. She had an intuition and so do I. Of course I know when someone is being manipulative. That's the advantage I do have. Just b/c I don't agree with everything he says or does or try to prove to him that I know otherwise, does not mean that I am not aware. I have just been able to observe the situation better now that we are under the same roof. He knows that I suspect something, but he does NOT have to know how I really think before I'm ready to reveal info. if he is reading this or has someone else reading this, then he knows. oh well. Is he going to confront me? Who knows? My guess is, he won't confront me until it's over or almost over. Why would he admit to spying on me? he wouldn't. Just like i wouldn't.

Busted! Now what? I retrieved the VAR today...nothing! I tested and placed it yesterday morn.It worked fine. Got it this eve and there was nothing but the sound the device being moved. I think he erased whAt was on there and put it back...so now what? I tested once again and it works fine. I have noticed him trying to act normal but it's obvious that his mind is ticking. He has not said one word about it. This is a nightmare. I need some help here guys...there has to be another way to catch a mouse.

He probably has a keylogger on your computer and was looking for it.

If I were you, I'd go to an abuse shelter. Now.

Update! During pow wow last nite he confirmed my beliefs about being upset with me for not having a job. Pretty much everything he said led back to me being out of work and him having to "put up" with it. His words:I should have kept my other job and we should have just made the sacrifice of being in 2 diff homes b/c "financially" it would have eased some of the burden. He also thinks that I will leave him once I complete school. I asked him why did he think that. He says its b/c he facilitated it. Then he starts looking for reasons to be angry with me and asked him why does he do that b/c the poor excuses/faults that he gives me are not valid. Bottom line...he wants freedom, financially and physically but he has to make it look like their is something wrong with me in order for it to be justified in his crazy way of thinking. He's the nice guy, remember, and does not want to be viewed any differently. So he has to reconcile that in his head before he can try to convince others. There is something wrong with him for sure and I told him so. You don't have to mistreat me if you don't want to be here...just go. When he saw that it didn't really make a hill of beans to me, his attitude changed. He cooked breakfast this morning. Its just a matter of time before the next episode and he is yelling and looking for silly reasons to be angry. In the meantime, I will continue to get my degree and get myself where I need to be.

I think you need to get out. Has he physically abused you?

I have concerns for you reading all this

He has never hit me. But he does talk to me in a way that I don't like. He says that he didn't get in this marriage to fail and that he wants to gow old with me blah blah, but if he is making me unhappy, then we need to part ways. I asked if it was really that simple. That's the easy way out. If you love someone, you take their feelings into consideration and try to do better, not just say ok I'm an a-hole, maybe u should find someone else. Further, when you love someone you want to be with them while making sacrifices, not put them up in another house and expect that to be a reasonable sacrifice. How can a new marriage work like that? It can't. Its a recipe for disaste especially if you have kids. I don't want my daughter growing up thinking that's normal way of life. But now that I have seen first hand how he real ly is, I don't want that for her either. I'm Enrolled full time for next semester...I know what I need to do and not lose focus.

Sorry for all the typos...I'm posting from my phone.

You should read up on what Dr. Harley says about sacrifices in a marriage. You might be surprised. I would post the quote for you but I'm posting from my IPod. But since you're here looking for help, it might be better if you research it for yourself.

Confided in my sister tonight and she says I sound crazy. My mom knows something is not right, but acts like I am overreacting. It's like they are so close-minded that they can't comprehend something that is beyond their way of thinking. I am at a loss for words and feel as if no one will believe me if my own folks are brushing me off. This is a terrible feeling. I looked up the term "gaslighting" and it was as if someone was reading my life story. Thus the explanation for what has been going on in my marriage. I just want a normal happy home life with my family without all the doubt and mind games. Is that too much to ask? How can I trust him? How can I get past the issue I am having with him hiring this girl? With all the secrecy?

I can relate to your reaction to your h's bizarre behaviour .It doesn't make sense until you figure the purpose behind his un predictable actions.

The bottom line is control (of you).

**edit**

Best Wishes and Good Luck

Thanks. I guess that'sone of the main reasons I'm here...to get confirmation that his behavior is bizarre and it's not just me overreacting or being insecure. Perhaps if someone neutral gave me some insight, it would help. Maybe someone else has experienced a similar situation and can give me a word of advice for what I need to do other than "get out". I would like to give it a try before I call it quits. I asked him last night about the need for the lock on the closet and the need to keep the financial records a secret. I asked him if he thought married people should keep secrets from each other. At first he said "it depends on the secret". Then he said no, but married people shouldn't invade the privacy of each other. I asked what should be considered private. He said anything that was his info before we got married. I said no, all info should be disclosed before you get married and once you get married there should be no secrets anymore. (My mistake for being so trusting in the first place) I told him that there shouldn't be a lock on a closet in a house that I live in and I don't know what's in there. It makes me think you are hiding something. That, along with the fact that you keep your computer locked down and all information from me. I also told him that if, God forbid, something should happen to him and he didn't wake up, how would I know how to handle things...house payments, daycare, utilities, etc. All he could say was "point well taken" and that he likes his lock and it's not going to be removed b/c it makes him feel (he then shrugged his shoulders) but there was no word to describe the way he says it makes him feel. He says there's nothing in there and never was. So I ask again, WHY the lock if there's nothing in there or never was? No answer. Just a defensive attitude about it. I told him that the only things I consider "off limits" are my purse and his wallet. I don't believe couples should snoop through purses and wallets, but anything else especially in the house that I sleep in at night, shoudn't be locked down unless we both know what's being kept locked up. Maybe this should be a new thread if there isn't one already. WHAT ,IF ANYTHING, SHOULD BE KEPT PRIVATE FROM YOUR SPOUSE?

Transparency means that your life is an open book before your H and vice versa. No secrets. The only privacy is when using the toilet. And it's not a bad thing.

People on this forum often say "People who have nothing to hide don't hide anything." Or something like that.

He needs to unlock that door and let you know into all the rooms of his marriage house.

Yes, he is hiding SOMETHING. But WHAT and WHY? Should I fear for my safety if I find out what he's hiding? Who knows? I had a good case of food poisining last night and I cooked dinner so I know it wasn't something he did...lol In the meantime, I couldn't help but look at him funny. He never acted concerned about me being sick, even with the mop in my hand. Even this morning, he was like, "what made you throw up?" is your stomach queasy? Never asked, not one time, how are you feeling? Are you better? BTW...I know I'm not pregnant b/c he made sure he got himself "fixed" before our baby turned 6 weeks old b/c I refused to get my tubes tied. That was another thing I forgot to mention earlier. I also think he made his ex get hers tied and that's why they didn't have any children. I remember him telling me a long time ago that he paid for her to have surgery b/c she didn't want any kids, but he did. I have heard from others that she had gastric bypass surgery as well b/c she was overweight. Maybe he manipulated her as well. Who knows?