Oh hell no do you tell the weasel OM first. Why? So he can prep a lie first?

He's already going to throw YOU under the bus, don't allow him more lie time!

Yes.

"I am sorry to say that I have been having an adulterous affair with your husband, OM, which began (date) and ended (date). I cannot express how sorry and shamed I feel."

Vkali , it is vital that you use the correct words "adulterous affair" so that there can be no misconception of the seriousness of the events.

Call her and say 'I had sex with your husband'

Somehow I think she will be able to give you some time when you put it the right way.

Why do you have her email password?

Even better.

You're not alone.

Here is a thread that may help you understand The Anatomy Of Adultery . It's a series of wrong decisions, one after the another.

Take a look.

I hope this helps develop your understanding about "How could I?".

Vkali, I have been in your shoes. Telling the whole truth to the OMW is really important. She is held in the prison of adultery and doesn't even know it. You have the truth that will help free her. I offered to meet with OMW or answer any questions she had via email or phone. I did not hear from her, but even after these many months if she wanted to meet or talk, I would. (with my husband's permission and agreement). It is part of making amends.
It is hard, but you can do it. It will help both your recovery and hers.

This WILL NOT WORK. She's already told OM that she is meeting you next Tuesday, and he is spinning the story as we speak! Stop trying to take the coward's way out of this, vkali! If she can't physically see you until next week, TELL HER ON THE PHONE.

I can hear her husband now: "Oh, you're having lunch with vkali next week? Well, okay, but I really wish you wouldn't be friendly with her. Joe Blow told me the other day that she was hitting on him, and then told people that HE was hitting on HER. She's a real weirdo who makes up all kinds of weird stories."

And that will successfully negate anything you tell her. She will want to believe her H, and he'll have gotten to her first.

Get on this, vkali!

Meeting with OMW is a bad idea. Just call and tell her.

How do you expect her to react to being told that you slept with her H?

You're also giving OM way too much time to spin things. Believe me, you're going to be thrown under the bus by him. He will want to protect his marriage.

So tell her the truth and cutoff all contact with OM forever.

Can your H come here?

I am seriously questioning how you approached her about this. What was your exact conversation? Did you tell her that you wanted to talk to her about having sex with her husband?

I can guarantee you that this woman would have dropped everything if she had known that you wanted to talk to her about the fact that her husband had sex with you. That's not something a wife pencils in on her planner for a get-together after the holidays.

What, exactly, did you say to her?

And how in the world do you have her email password?

hello.
Well, a had a big, long talk with my H. What you told me helped me a big deal, specially on not putting the blame on him when he asked why and to tell him the whole truth. We are going to work on our marriage and hope we can get thru this.
I told him about MB and surfed thru the articles, we are going to read them and dicuss them togheter. It was his idea. Thank you. If this isn't enough we'll search counseling.
He only didn't like the idea of me posting in the forum to a bunch of people, he said we can find our own answers. I'm going to respect that, but wanted to post to you and thank you for your interest and help.
Hope to read you again to tell you we have X years of recovery. Thank you again.

Will your H come here so we can talk with him?

I am still waiting for your response to my last post. You need to tell OMW what you and her husband did.

Hi vkali

It sounds like you are going to try �plan sweeping it under the rug�

When that fails, we will still be here, but your marriage might not.

If your h doesn�t like the forum idea, why don�t you check out the counselling centre link on this site and try counselling with the Harleys who have recovered countless marriages from affairs.

Trying to maintain your friendships with this couple by using deception is morally wrong and will rebound on the two of you. This method sees you heading for a sure fire divorce.

Please reconsider.

Oh and I would come clean with your h too - tell him that the affair WILL resume if you see OM regularly. You know it is true. Tell him you dont want it to, but it WILL happen. It happens like that with all waywards.

Also tell him OM will cheat on his wife with others and endanger her health and the babys unless you both find the guts to come clean with her.

Its time for big girl pants, vkali.

You are looking for the easy way out and your BH is giving it to you because he is ignorant in the CORRECT way to recover from a spouse's affair. This will not only destroy your marriage but you as well.

Tell OMW TODAY.

If you don't want to post here anymore, that's okay. Will you try the online course?

vkali, the ow in my situation was my friend.

She never told me the truth, like you she was too scared of what would happen to HER. I cannot respect that she felt it was ok to lie to me about my own life to save her own backside

The lies were the very worst part. Worse than sex with my husband, worse than her telling him she loved him.

Do not follow her example. Do the right thing.