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I will not be controlled like a puppet. I was not aware that this was an issue in your marriage. What exactly did he try to do to you?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I was just updating you on the latest as most of the other posters do throughout their marriage/recovery/divorce/dating process. What number OM are you on now? Has this ever been answered? struggling, you said you aren't involved with the OM we knew about from SAA but could you tell us if you are involved with another OM?
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Controlling like a Puppet ...
IS: Honey, Please I will not be married to a woman who has opposite sex friends.
Strugglin':I will not give up my opposite sex friends. This is a one horse town and it is so damn small I need all the admiration I can get from the locals.
IS: I believe in an interdependent marriage, so we don't go out unless we are together.
Strugglin': I will not give up my independent lifestyle. Why can't I go to the local watering hole without my husband?
IS: I am sorry I wasn't the best husband. I will work to be the man who meets your needs
Strugglin': Beating IS over the head for the rest of my life is much easier than making changes in myself.
IS: I will not be married to someone who cannot make me feel safe. I need to feel safe and secure in our marriage.
Strugglin': Because the men in this one horse town don't give a rip about me, so I can do whatever I want, how I want, when I want with no questions asked from them.
IS: I want to break the cycle of divorce for our girls. How can I work with you to accomplish this?
Strugglin': I enjoy being selfish and making myself happy. My daughters will be just fine. Heck - half the town is divorced. They will be just like their friends.
Last edited by PrayIncessantly; 01/10/12 06:19 PM.
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No Susie - she won't admit to a new OM. I have asked, and have received no answer.
Dr. Harley had a couple on the radio show (I think October), and it almost mirrored IS and Strugglin'.
Dr. Harley suggested to the husband divorce was the best option because the wife kept getting new OM. He said it was likely not the fog anymore, but more of a selfish character issue with the wife. I believe the wife was on OM#3 or #4.
Dr. Harley stated the OM will last temporarily in the wife's life because her selfish nature will doom all relationships.
Strugglin' you may be running from what you thought was being controlled like a puppet, in reality your really running from true intimate love.
We wouldn't be here working fervently with you if we didn't want to help you find that true happiness you are seeking.
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Oh, I loved that skit by Denis Leary. Totally true...
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Okay so once again, we are at this point of opposing every single post that I say. I am not getting back with my husband and have mentioned that several times. This post is getting no where so I shall depart. No sense in going around and around and around with you.
Me - 29 WW
H - 35
DD1 - 6yo
DD2 - 2yo
DDay - Feb 26, 2011
Hope to be recovered sooner than later!!
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Okay so once again, we are at this point of opposing every single post that I say. Actually, you are not answering questions honestly. Again. Like the one about whether you are dating. We are still waiting.
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Okay so once again, we are at this point of opposing every single post that I say. I am not getting back with my husband and have mentioned that several times. This post is getting no where so I shall depart. No sense in going around and around and around with you. Don't forget your hanky... ![[Linked Image from profile.ak.fbcdn.net]](http://profile.ak.fbcdn.net/hprofile-ak-snc4/273239_100000267932912_876662839_n.jpg) Hey, before you go, do you think you might actually have enough spine to answer the questions you dodged? No? Hokay, I kinda thought you'd feel that way... 
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Okay so once again, we are at this point of opposing every single post that I say. I am not getting back with my husband and have mentioned that several times. This post is getting no where so I shall depart. No sense in going around and around and around with you. Bye. Again. 
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3 legitimate reasons to divorce (and/or separate)
1. Adultery
2. Abuse
3. Addiction
Last edited by Pepperband; 01/10/12 07:08 PM.
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Sensational post, pepperband. My goodness! I wish my STBXW could comprehend what you wrote today. It's just so tragic how people throw away their families and spouses. I am despondent because society sanctions and encourages the breaking of marriage vows.
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There is WAAAAAAAYYYY too much damage done for us to EVER reconcile. Not a chance, no way, no how. And no, I don't expect a man to accept me as I am, however I will not be controlled like a puppet. There is a happy medium. And yes I agree that if both partners are more alike, have the same interests, same goals, etc...it is easier to maintain a "natural" relationship. My stbx had none of those the same. That's your assessment. Your husband believed that the damage could be repaired, overcome, etc. What makes your assessment any more accurate than his? It's the fact that you are not willing to do the work needed to repair the amount of damage inflicted on the relationship. Anything is repairable if BOTH are willing to put in the effort required to repair the amount of damage done. What you are saying is you are not willing to put in the time and effort needed. I get that. It's OK to be honest about how you feel. I think you would get a much more pleasant reception to that confession (if it's honest, and not just some sarcastic agreement) than you do to the meaningless "we just were not good together" which doesn't demonstrate you owning anything about the state of your marriage/relationship. Folks are just asking you to be honest. Your nebulous statements such as the one quoted are not honest and are quite meaningless.
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I have admitted it before...I AM NOT WILLING TO PUT IN THE EFFORT IT WOULD TAKE TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY HUSBAND. Period. End of story. Besides, its not frickin possible. You people need to wake up and smell the roses. This is reality folks. Not some fantasy world where we can brainwash ourselves and our spouses into some hoax. Never in my life could I imagine that people could be on such a one-track mind like all of you and the worst part is that you justify it. Best of luck to all of you. Do NOT waste your time with me and I will no longer waste yours. I am GREAT with where I am and I hope you all are too.
Me - 29 WW
H - 35
DD1 - 6yo
DD2 - 2yo
DDay - Feb 26, 2011
Hope to be recovered sooner than later!!
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Oh, I agree, it's not possible. But don't lead us to believe it's because of your husband. The first statement tells us why it's impossible. It's because you are unwilling. So to recap, it's impossible to make a relationship with your husband because, .I AM NOT WILLING TO PUT IN THE EFFORT IT WOULD TAKE TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY HUSBAND. Period. End of story. No need to say anything else. If you stop there, you remain honest. Leave out the rest. Own your part and stop there. You are not willing to do the work. That's all you need to say. Everything after that negates what would be a great start to taking ownership. Period.
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Never in my life could I imagine that people could be on such a one-track mind like all of you and the worst part is that you justify it. Yeah, shame on you guys for believing that marriage vows should be taken seriously. What's wrong with you people?
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I am GREAT with where I am and I hope you all are too. I don't think you are. And I think, deep down, you know you're not. For some reason, you keep coming back here, under the premise of convincing us that you are right and we are wrong. I think your reasons for coming back here are quite different than you are willing to admit to even yourself. Do NOT waste your time with me and I will no longer waste yours. I don't consider it a waste of time at all. You've swayed no one with your argument, so it serves as a confirmation that the posters who have spent time posting to you are as committed as ever to the concepts on this site that have saved thousands of marriages and improved an untold number of others. It's always good to see that. There are also people lurking out there - they may be in your situation or one that is similar. The posts made to you may have touched something in their heart that will encourage them to take a look at what they're doing and approach their marriage differently. You may have inadvertently saved a marriage or two by coming here to argue with us. Believe it or not, struggling, I hold no anger or hatred toward you. Nor, I suspect, does anyone else here. We don't even know who you are. But we want you and your husband to have a good marriage and know that the possibility of that happening is within your grasp. We're posting to you with that in mind. Come back anytime
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Okay so once again, we are at this point of opposing every single post that I say. Well, I don't think I did that at all. At this point I'm just trying to understand exactly what you're saying and what you're looking for. I am not getting back with my husband and have mentioned that several times. I think I certainly didn't say that. I did ask a few questions to try to clarify my understanding of your position, and since you didn't answer them, I'm still sort of shooting in the dark.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I have admitted it before...I AM NOT WILLING TO PUT IN THE EFFORT IT WOULD TAKE TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY HUSBAND. Period. End of story. Okay, that answers a lot of my questions, I think. Besides, its not frickin possible. You people need to wake up and smell the roses. This is reality folks. Not some fantasy world where we can brainwash ourselves and our spouses into some hoax. Excuse me, the methods here have worked for hundreds or even thousands of people. Dr. Harley has been doing this for forty years. You openly admit that you just don't want to do it. Please don't tell the rest of us that it does not work. It has worked for everybody who has done it.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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This post is getting no where so I shall depart. No sense in going around and around and around with you. I am confused about where you are wanting to go with these posts. What were you wanting to accomplish?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Besides, its not frickin possible. External locus of control = "No MB Plan will really work, because outside forces cause me do what I do." A person who feels they are without power over themselves will claim no responsibility for their actions. After all, it was not their fault. Some other force caused them to act the way they act. I think that over time, people will either take their known attributes and make the most of what they have, or they will throw themselves on the floor, have a pity party tantrum and announce to the world their victimization status. Thus relieving themselves of any personal responsibility.
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