Reminder:

YOU came HERE ....

I reserve the right to decide where I "waste my time".

We can cram MB theory/Plans/articles down the throat of an "external locus" person, until the cows come home .... "Yes, but ..." will usually prevail.

People with an "external locus of control" are very ACCEPTING of failure.
Very plan/work resistant.

Their motto ~~~> If it's not an easy fix, it's not going to work.

I'm just sayin' ..........

Oh my Dear Lord -- Please hand your husband sole custody of your two daughters. Anyone as willing as you are to destroy their lives in the way that you are -- on a whim of "I'm not happy" -- Most certainly does NOT have their best interests at heart -- NOT AT ALL. Not to mention, raising children -- especially daughters -- can be VERY TRYING. You think parenting is tough now? Oh just you wait until puberty hits -- talk about having to put in effort -- well that is if their well being is important to you, and you don't just let them run wild and do whatever they wish. Which is my fear, if you have very much custody at all -- Waywards are terrible parents.

I can tell you without an ounce of reservation that daily living with our dd12 is FAR more difficult and takes far more effort than being married to Mr. W -- Of course, since both Mr. W and I follow the MB concepts, it is a JOY to be married to him.

You guys could have found that to be true too, strugglin. In conclusion, and to use the title of your thread, I'll just say:

"JUST FOR THE RECORD", strugglin is too lazy to have a happy marriage. WOW. What a terrible shame.

Mrs. W

That's it, in a nutshell.

Just so you know, we have joint custody of our daughters, our divorce is final in 10 days and I am NOT a bad parent. Oh yeah, but these "rules" and "statistics" you throw out there are certain in EVERY single situation out there, so I shall be doomed.

Such a shame.

In a way, it has been really educational to be able to gain such profound insight into the mind of a wayward. It is also sad. Sooo sad!

May God bless and keep your dear daughters.

And yes, you ARE a bad parent -- you willingly destroyed your daughters' family -- you threw a grenade into their home and wouldn't lift a finger to salvage and rebuild what you decimated.

You can't fool me -- I have been wayward, so I KNOW firsthand whose needs come first when one is in that mindset. I was there in that gutter -- I was a terrible parent then, and the memories of the things I did, said and was willing to throw away will forever have the power to make me sob and become nauseous if I dwell on them for very long. So you could type up the most eloquent soliloquy of all time about what a wonderful parent you are, and perhaps you'd fool many, but just so you know, I wouldn't be one of them.

One day you will very much regret what you've done, strugglin. Mark my words -- etch them upon your brain, so they spring to mind on the day that you stand sobbing in the shower over what your actions have wrought. You WILL regret this. It is the worst decision of your life.

Mrs. W

Have you had your thirtieth birthday yet?

Before you turn 40, this conversation, and efforts you did not take, will bother you.

I was such a jerk when I was 29.
I told my now husband (we were dating on and off) ... "I don't need a man. I don't need anyone."

My pride and bravado were fake. I was hurting. Not unlike yourself.

I had very sharp edges, not unlike yourself.
The difference?
I was not married & raising children.
I was not hurting anyone but myself.

Hmmm, well, if you are anything like my STBX, [which since you are not answering the question, I suspect you are], you are already involved in another OM and, again, like most waywards, don't think there is any problem having this OP around your children.

For your girls' sakes, I truly hope & pray you are not doing this.

Not only should they not be subjected to your dating life for obvious reasons, [you know, like the fact that they need stability & time to process the D to name a couple], they are now at increased risk for abuse and the more men you bring into the home, the risk just keeps going up. And somehow I get the sense you will going through lotsa men while they are growing up....

P.S. Actually, there is one thing that you could do that would prove to me that you aren't a completely terrible parent and that you do have your daughters best interests at heart -- If you willingly give I_S sole custody of them then I would believe you. Otherwise, nah uh, I'm not buyin' what you're sellin'...

Okay, I still haven't seen an answer to my question as to why you're posting and what you hope to achieve, so I'm not sure how best to help you, but trying to go from this,

are you saying you are aware that the odds are very much against your children having happy lives now, but that you have a plan to beat those odds at this point?

Or are you saying you are aware that the odds are very much against your children having happy lives now, but you know that some people beat the odds, and you feel confident that you will be one of those people?

Or something else?

As far as odds go, some people smoke packs of cigarettes every day and live to be 90 or 100. Not very many people, but some people do.

Mrs W...hmmm, let me think on that for a moment. Yep, not gonna happen. And do I really care if you "believe what I am sellin"? Nope. I do not have to justify anything that I have done to any of you. Today is the first day of the rest of my life and I will make of it what I feel is best and last time I checked, I do have that right.

*emphasis mine

The part that I emphasized above is what's wrong now, strugglin -- Acting upon your FEELINGS, rather than using LOGIC and REASON.

Feelings are transient, and should not be relied upon to make major life decisions.

You must realize that you are in charge of your feelings based upon what actions you choose and act according to what is right and just. [feelings follow actions]

Once you realize that, maturity should dictate that you choose your actions based upon doing the RIGHT THING -- not by doing whatever you "feel" might scratch your current itch. Integrity, values and morals ought to be your guideposts -- Isn't that how you'd advise your daughters to make major life decisions?

Mrs. W

Could you tell us explicitly then what the goal of your posting is?


I don't think anyone has questioned your right to make the decisions you are making (I could be wrong). It has been suggested though that the decisions you are making are going to bring unhappiness to you and your children in the future, though.

How can we help you? Why are you posting to us?

Another sad statistic...

I feel horrible for your children. In fact my mother has done to me and my brothers as you have done /are doing to your kids and you know what the outcome was? The outcome was that I no longer respect my mother .. I no longer have much at all to do with her. She is just as much in the fog NOW as she was when i was an infant. The children just dont know what to do right now .. so they follow you because they have no other choice and know no other way. Once they GET the choice and UNDERSTAND the facts of how and why all this happened .. you will find yourself lonely... VERY lonely.

IF i did what i FELT like doing all the time? I would probably be divorced, in jail, and possibly even dead and all because in those moments and at the time, i FELT those actions were in my best interest or justified becasue i felt bad or selfish. Thank GOD i didnt self talk myself into believing them to be what was actually right for me. Instead I used intelligence to decide what was ACTUALLY right not based on my feelings in the moment but based on facts and consequences. I am very thankful that I dont listen to my FEELINGS, but cross reference them with logic and realism.

But hey .. what do i know? I am just a guy that grew up without a dad most of his life in a broken home because his parents could not keep their vows and remain faithful and stick together. Once I realized who my mother was (after being gaslighted all my childhood) I felt so disgusted and betrayed I abandoned her and started my life with my wife at 16 and moved out on my own and in with my wife at 17. Once I got away from all the garbage i VOWED to never be anything like my parents. I struggle all the time with gods commandment to honour my mother and father when NEither one of them deserves my respect except the fact they brought me here .. and they showed me how NOT to be... they were perfect examples of what I didnt want to do or become. So for that I am thankful because i know what not to do.

One day you may see the light and regret this decision when your fog lifts, then again maybe you will never see it and end up like my mother .. lonely because of the poor choices you made thinking you can keep your kids under your thumb with lies and pretend like everything is ok and that you did the best you could and paint everyone involved but you like a bad guy.

Good Luck building a new life with someone new which is just as likely to fail (infact more likely) than your current marriage because the issues that created your current marriage trouble will carry on to the next .. and the next .. and the next. Your kids will resent you for man hopping in the future when they gain understanding.

God Bless you and your kids and your probably soon to be ex hubby.

MNG

I guess markos, you cannot help me. Your sole purpose is to try to reunite my husband and I, which is not going to happen and you will not see further into the future than that. If I ever decide to come back here for future relationship advice, I promise you it will not be under the 'strugglingaz' name. When ya'll see this, its like a coyote on a jackrabbit and that's rather obvious.

You haven't read a single post I've written, apparently. Not with any measure of attention.


Is that why you were posting here? I haven't seen you ask a single relationship question in this thread.

Why are you posting here?

Unanswered questions:

Why are you posting here? We know you came to tell us something about InnerStrength, but you have remained since then. Why are you posting here? Relationship advice?

How did InnerStrength try to control you like a puppet? What exactly did he do to you?