Hello MB family.

I have been thinking about this non-stop.
How long does it usually take for the WH (STBXH) after plan B have been in place for WH(stbxh) for the fog to subside??

My WH is still with the OW. and have been for 9 months. Which i think is a long time. will he ever regret and/or not be in a fog?? or do you think he is really in love??
Do you guys think thy'll last? they are "happy"??

I feel lonley.
I am raising my boys while WH is in la la land. this totally sucks. -sigh-

Some waywards change, others don't. Some never leave the fog.

I am in the same situation as you, single mom with stbx living somewhere else. I don't know what he is doing, and that's the way it should be.

What are you doing for yourself right now? It is important for us BSs to take care of ourselves, especially since we are single moms. I know this makes it extra difficult to take time out for ourselves, but do it anyway.

I hung onto the hope that the fog would lift for my XWH for, what seemed, the longest time. It was a futile wish and interfered with my ability to move forward for me and our DSs. From what I understand, the WS doesn't wake up one morning with clarity and remorse in their heart. There isn't a "lightbulb" moment. If it happens at all, it's a long process. I wouldn't know personally. My XWH moved away and married the OW 2 months after our divorce. We had been separated for a year prior to the divorce during which time he carried on his affair with her in a reckless manner. He was someone else, surely not the man I loved.

He just celebrated his first wedding anniversary with this woman and yet, still hasn't told our DSs he married her. I haven't told them either. That's his job. He hasn't seen his DSs since last June because he can't afford it. So, yes, he is still in a pea soup kind of fog but that fog is also his reality. It may be his reality forever. I used to wonder whether he would come to his senses one day. Now, I don't care. I've moved on ... and am much better off for it.

Hi lost,
I am so sorry you find yourself in this horrible, horrible situation. I wish I could tell you something that would make your pain go away.

Both of these ladies have given you excellent advice. I KNOW we all HOPE and PRAY for the fog to lift and for our WS's to return to our marriages.

Sadly, after fighting HARD for over two and half years, I am now single. There is nothing more that I wanted than restoration and a new beginning. But if the WS is not "all in" it WILL NOT HAPPEN.

I was gaslighted EVERY DAY since my DDAY and thought we were in recovery. One year after DDAY we even moved 1600 miles away from OW/OC. I thought to heal and rebuild. About 8 mos. after this move, I came home from work one day and POS had moved out. Needed time to think, blah, blah.

Long story short, I found out a few months after that about the gaslighting and filed for D. Shortly after filing, he moved OW/OC and her COM's HERE to my new city and in with him....about 6 mos. before the D was final. (Come to find out, she was already planning to move here when we first moved. gag) I suspect they are married now although I don't have proof.

So, I wish I had a concrete answer for you. My POS's fog didn't lift. He is such a narcissistic pig, I am doubtful that it ever will. To hear him tell it, he wasn't happy "for years" and portrays himself as the victim. Typical wayward lingo.

It's very important that you take steps to protect YOU and your COM's. You don't want them to grow up and think this type of behavior is acceptable and then replicate the cycle. I am concerned that this is OW #4 for you. Just my two cents, but I think the writing is on the wall and you need to walk. I COMPLETELY understand the desire to stay and fight (I did that). But there came a point when I refused to be a doormat and continuously lied to. God intended better for me than that.

I have not attended DivorceCare, but signed up for the daily emails. They have been extremely helpful and I would encourage you to that also.

(((LOST)))

Thank you ladies for sharing your stories with me.

Yeah, i need to just let go and move on with my life. If my WH were to try to come back, i know in my heart that it will be short lived before the "i dont know what i want anymore" blah blah crap starts.

I am actually glad this happened to me now rather than later.

it does make me sick tho when i think of the person he has become. But this is something i will have to get over.I should have went through with the divorce when he was "in a relationship" with an 18 in his 30's (gag) what a sick pervert.

I am on plan B now and sticking to it.
He texted me saying: look im sorry can we at least communicate?
I didnt reply. and wont.

what a joke.
anyway soon or later he'll prob cheat on her too.she can have him...

thank you ladies once again!

---"So, I wish I had a concrete answer for you. My POS's fog didn't lift. He is such a narcissistic pig, I am doubtful that it ever will. To hear him tell it, he wasn't happy "for years" and portrays himself as the victim. Typical wayward lingo."--------

My wife is the same way, she has re-written marital history, 10 years of it!

You should NOT be receiving text messages from him! You are NOT in Plan B! Plan B is NO COMMUNICATION. Everything must go through an intermediary. You really need to follow the true Plan B to save yourself mental torture

I can not agree more with HDW. Lost, you need to plug up those Plan B cracks!!!

I changed my phone number shortly after entering Plan B, and it helped me no end. See, even though at that stage my WH was making no attempts to contact me, I was WAITING for him to. I wanted him to make contact because in some way that would make a deposit in my lovebank as I would (wrongly) interpret that as him caring even though he was showing he didn't respect my boundaries. After changing the number I knew he couldn't contact me, and I relaxed a lot, not jumping everytime the phone rang.

For Plan B to be most effective for either marriage recovery or personal recovery there must be no contact unless through IM. You can not heal yourself with contact. And your WH will foggily believe the two of you can be friends during and after divorce. From the sounds of it, your WH still wants you to meet some of his EN's... that is why he wants to keep communicating.

I take comfort that Plan B has shown my WH that under no circumstances will I remain "friends" with someone who lies and cheats. Plan B = Plan Boundaries. No cake eating allowed.

I am sorry you are all hearvas well, been fighting for our marriage for 15 months. I want to go to plan b but we have a 2 year old. I have asked for an intermediary and she doesnt understand why, she thinks things are fine. There is no conflict during the exchange but i hurt so much seeing her.

You don't ASK for an IM. You set that up yourself, and once in place, you use it. The plan B letter should be written and delivered. You don't need permission to protect yourself.

Mark is right. Don't ask the addict for permission.
Protect yourself!
Read and research Plan B. Don't tell your wife - just do it!