I dont understand. Exposure is where you ask for support.

How would you get support 'first'?

What is your exposure plan? Who and how?

This is backwards thinking Joe. Expose first and that will bring the support of family and true friends.

CV

Joe what are you doing??????? You are going to let another man sleep with your wife and you know it. The time to expose is now not after their date. Support will come after the affair is exposed.

Joe, here is your evidence:
You caught her at his house. Her admission is your evidence.


Good exposure targets will be his parents, family members and married friends. I would copy and paste his contacts into a WORD doc and plan on exposing to them. This will ruin your wife's future with his family and will be a very effective exposure.


Yes, adultery hurts kids. But lies about adultery hurts them even worse. Please read my thread about exposure which explains why children over the age of 4 should be told the full truth.


Just talking to some family members will not help your situation. Please carefully read my exposure thread so you do this in a strategic and effective way. If you don't do it right, it is unlikely it will any effect. But if you do it right, it can make a huge difference. This is much, much more than just having a talk with family members.

I really appreciate all the feedback. Looks like I will have some reading to do tonight.

Just curious....I haven't read through all the threads on this forum. The few I have read are about marriages that failed after using plan A & B. Are there any marriage survival stories in these threads?

Yes, there are thousands of them. But those of us with recovered marriages don't have active threads because we are helping others. Those of in recovered marriages attribute it to exposure.

You have about a 50% chance of survival if you use Plan A. Your odds are much less if you DON'T because affairs thrive on secrecy so keeping it a secret fuels the affair. Like Dr Harley says, "its real hard to save a marriage when you are enabler."

Please read the thread in my signature.

Yes, there are many. Many of them stayed here long enough to recover their marriage and don't feel the need to post here anymore. Others recovered and post here - I am one of those.

As far as the marriages that failed? No, not every single marriage can be saved on this site. But the tools here will give you the best chance for success.

Do you have specific questions?

Joe many marriage do survive. I had been married 14 years when we split up. At that time I would have given my marriage a zero chance of making it. We have now been married almost 36 years. There is always hope even when you think there is no chance.

Read the link on my sig. I consider us a success.

CV

Today was exposure day. WW is in the bedroom crying. I feel like I have been kicked in the gut.

Of course she's crying -- You just shattered her little affair-fantasy snow-globe, and all the glittery-sparklies are running out all over the floor, never to be put back together again in quite the way they were before, when it was all their little secret.

Good work. Keep exposing. Keep up the pressure on scumbag other-man. Once he figures out that your wife is more trouble to him than she's worth, chances are, he'll drop her like she was a jar of nuclear waste. That's just what you need to provide a chance that her head will clear.

Stay in your home. Keep your kids. Protect your money. Keep the affairees off-balance. YOU call the shots now. You may or may not be able to get her head clear & save your marriage, but either way, you'll know you did right. Stay strong. Keep us posted.

You did the right thing. Be strong. This will be an important time as you work towards ending the affair.

CV

Average Joe,

DO NOT TELL HER ABOUT THIS SITE.

Her reaction was par for the course! Well done!! Remember, their must be consequences to her action otherwise she will do it again.

Remember to ask folk for the support of your marriage when you notify them of the adultery or you may sound like you are trying to hurt her.

Just FYI.....
This is what I plan to IM the OM's facebook list with:

"If you are receiving this private message, then you are either friends or a family member of OM. The reason you are receiving this message is because, to be blunt, OM and my WW are having an affair that began 3 months ago and is currently still in progress. I have been told that the affair has ended, but I have evidence that it has not. Now, I am not writing this message to defame or slander OM, as this is the truth. The main point of this message is that I love my WW and family dearly, and I want to reconcile with my WW and keep our family whole. My WW has stated to me many times that she would like to try to work things out. We have been going to therapy to try to resolve our issues. However, it has become impossible to work on our marriage because of the affair. If you care about OM, then I urge you to help him understand the pain he is causing me and my family. Affairs are painful for all parties involved. They ruin families and peoples� lives. The relationship between the two people involved in the affair rarely, if ever, ends up working out (this has been documented). You will only be helping OM from inevitable pain in the long run. If you are someone who believes in marriage and keeping families together, I urge you to let *edit* know how you feel."
Sincerely,
averagejoe

Thoughts.....

I don't understand. Have you exposed the affair, or not? It sounded like you did, and WW was crying because of that. Now you're asking us to review your exposure letter.

Why is WW crying?

I talked to her mother on the phone about the affair. She's not on facebook. She called before I had a chance to develop the facebook letter.

Joe, I'm getting the sense that you are trickling out this exposure. You need to do this all at once, to all of your targets.

You've now given your WW notice that you are starting to talk about the affair. Waywards will often pre-empt exposure by talking to potential targets first. They spin the truth to make their spouse appear to be an overly-imaginative, insecure person who 'imagines' them in affairs.

You need to get your exposure done. Don't let this trickle out. You should have a phone list as well as a Facebook list. As soon as you've pulled the trigger on the FB exposure, get on the phone and start going down the list. Keep at it until you've accomplished complete exposure.

Be sure to notify his parents too.

Joe, this is entirely too much information and will muddy the waters. Don't get into he said/she said, just SAY they are having an affair and leave it at that. Use something like this - and include your wife's name, your name and phone # - DID YOU READ THE INSTRUCTIONS FOR FACEBOOK EXPOSURE ON MY EXPOSURE THREAD??:

Does your wife KNOW you are exposing this affair? Because if you tell her you are doing this, she can easily pre-empt you. Did you copy and paste the OM's facebook contacts into a WORD doc for safekeeping?

Did you change your facebook picture to one of you and your wife and children?

Do you know that you must space out the facebook PM's 60 seconds apart or you will be shut down for flooding?

I am concerned that you are not doing this in an organized, strategic manner. A disorganized, haphazard exposure can be a disaster.