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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,447
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,447 |
The sad thing is there are many pyschologists who advocate MLC. In the 2 weeks before I discovered my WH's A, based on articles published by clinical pyschologists and consulting with one for advice, I thought my WH was having a MLC. So did the "expert".
He exhibited all the signs - questioning a life/lifestyle previously happy with, questioning decisions easily made etc. He stated he was lost and the trigger for this was a high blood pressure test (previously always normal)which made him reflect on life.
In the beginning I believed the A was due to a MLC but this was based on "professional advice" not denial. What is even sadder is these professionals advise that you must wait for the A to take it's natural course, don't do anything as it will bond the APs. In my case I initially followed this advice, they were the experts, I didn't know I was enabling the A and allowing it to become entrenched.
It was not until I discovered MB & Dr H that I discovered his behaviour was b/c of an A and he was a text book wayward.
Its a shame MB isn't part of a pre marriage counselling programme couples were required to take prior to their wedding. Given the infidelity statistics, it would certainly save alot of grief for many families.
Interesting my MIL a retired pyschologist does not subscribe to MLC theory, but states a crisis can occur at any point in life. Just like A occur at any age. Maybe the signs/symptoms are similar given Waywards are in crisis of sorts (denying emotions, justification, deception,hardening,destroy)
Last edited by happyfuture66; 06/18/12 07:52 AM.
Me 46yrs WH 46yrs "Isildur" Married: 22yrs 8mths DS 9yrs;DD 19yrs;DS 21yrs Bomb drop:marriage not working don't know if ILY 12.11.11 DD:26.11.11 WH moves to OW house 28.11.11 Formal MB Plan A 14.4.12 Plan B 27.4.12 D:20.7.14
"There are moments in life that make us & set the course of who we become. Sometimes they're little & subtle,sometimes they're big & we never saw them coming. No one asks for their life to change, but it does. It's what we do afterwards that counts & we find out who we are."
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,447
Member
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,447 |
That is exactly right. I am shocked by how much blame the victim I hear. makes me crazy.
I think some people blame the betrayed spouse- as a self protective thing. It can't happen to me, because I am good to my spouse. Those betrayed spouses? They had it coming. They mean no malice. They just cannot deal with the possibility of otherwise. Too scary.
And then there are the people, like Dr. Laura- who straight up say that the betrayed spouse didn't try hard enough to keep their spouse happy, and it's their fault for not being a good spouse. And the betrayer had no choice. Its this mindset that is so frustrating, particularly when the BS tries everything to save their marriage. Its hard enough finding the strength to deal with the history rewrite and denigration without having to deal with this mentality. No wonder some BS are scared to expose.
Me 46yrs WH 46yrs "Isildur" Married: 22yrs 8mths DS 9yrs;DD 19yrs;DS 21yrs Bomb drop:marriage not working don't know if ILY 12.11.11 DD:26.11.11 WH moves to OW house 28.11.11 Formal MB Plan A 14.4.12 Plan B 27.4.12 D:20.7.14
"There are moments in life that make us & set the course of who we become. Sometimes they're little & subtle,sometimes they're big & we never saw them coming. No one asks for their life to change, but it does. It's what we do afterwards that counts & we find out who we are."
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