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I agree that people can take stock of their lives and make changes. I just don't believe it happens more frequently at midlife ( the research doesn't support that claim). Or that it has any psychological validity as a crisis.
I think healthy, sound people spend their lives making course corrections as they live and learn and grow.
It's not a crisis, and it's never an excuse for bad behavior. I think we see this the same way; you just said it better! Unfortunately I have to confess that I found out the whole Easter Bunny deal was fake a few years ago. My kids spilled the beans . . . 
Me: BH 60 - Married 21 years
ExW had an EA beginning 09/09 (Facebook)
After a few false recoveries, I filed for D 05/11
D final 03/12
'Be Mindful of Your Many Blessings and Endeavor Daily to be Worthy of Them'
Jay Severin
'Life is a gift and it offers each of us the privilege, the opportunity and the responsibility to give something back by becoming something more'
Tony Robbins
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There is no Easter Bunny?????!!!!!!
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There is no Easter Bunny?????!!!!!! It was a trick, reading! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Regarding Easter bunnies...they are real as long as there are people on their team. Santa needs helpers, too.
Doing that kind of work helps keep you out of really stupid stuff like MLCs and EMAs.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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That is because "Adultery is no longer part of the 10 Commandments" That poor man -- he murdered that innocent person. It must be a Mid life crisis ... let's just give him some time to realize he made a bad little boo boo. That poor woman --- she robbed a bank because she just didn't have enough money. Yep she is 35 must be a mid life crisis. Why don't we just enable her for a time being until she realizes the error of her way. That poor wayturd --- he just annihilated his family with is mistress. Yep gone off and left his wife and gazillion kids. It is definitely a midlife crisis. Jeez the wife just didn't give him enough sex ... good grief you intolerant judgmental people he deserves to be happy and the mistress is his soulmate. If society just put adultery where it went ... we could treat it like the murder and thievery it deserves 
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That is because "Adultery is no longer part of the 10 Commandments" That poor man -- he murdered that innocent person. It must be a Mid life crisis ... let's just give him some time to realize he made a bad little boo boo. That poor woman --- she robbed a bank because she just didn't have enough money. Yep she is 35 must be a mid life crisis. Why don't we just enable her for a time being until she realizes the error of her way. That poor wayturd --- he just annihilated his family with is mistress. Yep gone off and left his wife and gazillion kids. It is definitely a midlife crisis. Jeez the wife just didn't give him enough sex ... good grief you intolerant judgmental people he deserves to be happy and the mistress is his soulmate. If society just put adultery where it went ... we could treat it like the murder and thievery it deserves  That's the sad part to me: when people hear of an affair, a lot of times they assume the wife must have been some heartless nag or the husband some jerk who didn't treat his family well. It's either that or MLC!!! It's neither.
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This is the entitlement mindset society places on marriage ... It comes down to the fact nobody is learning how to do marriage. Divorce and all the problems disappear ... meanwhile the collateral damage is so high it can be seen for generations.
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That is exactly right. I am shocked by how much blame the victim I hear. makes me crazy.
I think some people blame the betrayed spouse- as a self protective thing. It can't happen to me, because I am good to my spouse. Those betrayed spouses? They had it coming. They mean no malice. They just cannot deal with the possibility of otherwise. Too scary.
And then there are the people, like Dr. Laura- who straight up say that the betrayed spouse didn't try hard enough to keep their spouse happy, and it's their fault for not being a good spouse. And the betrayer had no choice.
Thanks for all the support along the way.
I wish you all well. I'm outta here.
Peace.
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Much of this is skewed by Hollywood adultery, where the storylines are carefully crafted and set up to build sympathy toward the victimized soon-to-be WS, and to feel a sense of joy and relief when they finally ditch their unsuitable mate in favor of the one person who can truly make them "happy".
There are only a small handful of films or programs where adultery is given anything approaching its rightful due. This wrongful sympathy permeates every level of our society, even sometimes chewing gum commercials.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Yep - you all got it right.
People want to think it could never happen to them - they're "good" and "bad" only happens to those that deserve it!
I can't believe Dr. Laura perpetuates such a thing...geez!!!
There are very few movies or tv shows that show the detriment adultery causes. I've seen/heard of a few recently but far too often it's as Neak said - they gear you up to root for the affair partners. Not me - not anymore!!!
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And then there are the people, like Dr. Laura- who straight up say that the betrayed spouse didn't try hard enough to keep their spouse happy, and it's their fault for not being a good spouse. And the betrayer had no choice. Are you kidding me? I wonder if there is a 'Mr. Laura' and if he ever cheated on the good Dr. She may change her views a bit. While we were in MC, still trying to save our M, my WW listed my many shortcomings/failures that led to her engaging in the relationship with OM. The MC asked her if she ever approached me about any of these shortcomings so that I may try to work with her to overcome them. She said 'no'. He asked why. She said because 'he's hard to talk to'. And that she shouldn't have had to - if I had been paying attention to her I would have known what was wrong. Always, always deflecting the blame. MC didn't buy it. I don't buy it. But I guess people like Dr. Laura buy that crap. Officer: "I'm sorry sir, but I have to give you a ticket. This accident is your fault. You should have done more to avoid the car that hit you from behind".
Driver: "But officer, I never saw him coming until it was too late! How could I take action to avoid the collision?"
Officer: "Well sir, if you were a good driver and paying attention, you would have seen the other driver in time.It's all your fault"
Sigh
Me: BH 60 - Married 21 years
ExW had an EA beginning 09/09 (Facebook)
After a few false recoveries, I filed for D 05/11
D final 03/12
'Be Mindful of Your Many Blessings and Endeavor Daily to be Worthy of Them'
Jay Severin
'Life is a gift and it offers each of us the privilege, the opportunity and the responsibility to give something back by becoming something more'
Tony Robbins
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While we were in MC, still trying to save our M, my WW listed my many shortcomings/failures that led to her engaging in the relationship with OM. The MC asked her if she ever approached me about any of these shortcomings so that I may try to work with her to overcome them. She said 'no'. He asked why. She said because 'he's hard to talk to'. And that she shouldn't have had to - if I had been paying attention to her I would have known what was wrong. Always, always deflecting the blame. MC didn't buy it. I don't buy it. But I guess people like Dr. Laura buy that crap. Your wife speaks it like the true freeloader she is ... Here is a great thread to read Dr. Harley is a smart man
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Dr. Laura was an other woman. It explains a lot.
Thanks for all the support along the way.
I wish you all well. I'm outta here.
Peace.
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I agree. I am pretty sure she was an OW. She has dreadful, uninformed marital advice. She has good advice in other areas, but certainly not here.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I used to love listening to Dr. L, but I hate listening to her marital advice, especially her "advice" regarding infidelity.
She makes it harder for exposure not easier, because people who listen to her automatically shift the blame to the BS. She doesn't believe in Radical Honesty, that if one had an A and plans to "never again do it in the future" one should go to the grave with the info. Never mind about accountability or EPs or Just Compensation. Augh!
So I take her with a big fat grain of salt these days.
Married 1980
DDay Nov 2010
Recovered thanks to Marriage Builders
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I used to love listening to Dr. L, but I hate listening to her marital advice, especially her "advice" regarding infidelity. Same here.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Dr. Laura, aka Laura Catherine Schlessinger, married a dentist when she was 25 and had at least two extramarital affairs before they were divorced. No wonder why she blames the BS's for the affairs. What a hypocrite!
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We all have our blind spots, which excuses us not at all. I'm just glad my blind spots aren't on nationwide radio! Doubtless if Dr. L had been cheated on, instead of the other way around, she would have a more scripturally sound and commonsensical view of adultery.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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We all have our blind spots, which excuses us not at all. I'm just glad my blind spots aren't on nationwide radio! Doubtless if Dr. L had been cheated on, instead of the other way around, she would have a more scripturally sound and commonsensical view of adultery. VERY, very true! I love her advice on "smart women" but forget the marital/infidelity advice.
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This has brought me back to a school assembly in fifth grade, where the principal said to the WHOLE auditorium that she and some other guy were married to other people but she'd always believed they were soulmates...
Oh, don't you know, smart means being able to play fast and loose without being JUDGED. As teens would say, ZOMG.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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