DH and I have been married for almost 6 years. I found out Aug. of 2010 that DH was texting/talking to a co-worker (A) everyday, ALL day. 17 pages of texts between the two of them compared to 5 pages of texts between him and I in a month. This is the same girl that my friend's fiance (J) was cheating on her with, which is why I had a HUGE problem with DH talking to her in the first place. I didn't trust her and don't trust her. Never will. Well I caught him and confronted him. He said he told her that they had to stop talking. I found out in March of 2011 that she was contacting him again. He had only texted her twice but she texted him much more than that. This time I called A and told her to stop contacting him. I told her that she was flat out disrespecting me. She said her husband doesn't care if she has guy friends. I asked if her husband knew about J. She didn't say anything.

Anyway to my knowledge they've stopped talking. We've been going to counseling and things have been great. I work right down the street from them and I haven't run into her in a while. Well yesterday I ran into her at lunch with my mom. It was probably the hardest thing I've done in a while. She was with a friend and they were just laughing the whole time. I couldn't help but think about what they were saying. What she was saying. What she was thinking. What she's told other people. How stupid I look. I feel I've done so well getting past this and moving on, but seeing her just made my blood boil. I was so mad and shaking the whole time. Then I see her today when I went to lunch again. How can I get past this part?

eta - They work in the same department but he doesn't work in the building with her. He's out on a truck all day and she's in the office. He says he doesn't see her in the mornings or afternoons either.

Link to original story...
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=161921&Number=2440495#Post2440495

Did you expose?

Did you tell OW's husband?

DH knows (of course), family knows, OW knows, and a few friends.

I have no way of finding any information on OW's husband. I tried for months. Now I can't find OW on fb at all.

I would find her husband and tell him.

Even if she hasn't contacted DH since March of last year? I want to tell her husband. I've tried searching every way I know how.

I kinda feel like this will just rehash everything and make me feel down again. Seeing her makes me feel down. And mad. And want to hit her. I wouldn't...but I want to.

Have you thought about moving?
Yes you need to tell her H. Wouldn't you want to know if it was on the other foot?
What EP's has your WH put in place for you?

Just compensation that he's done?

We are actually moving, but closer to work.
I would definitely want to know, but I have no leads on their information. Her phone is prepaid. I can't find her on FB anymore. When she was on there, I couldn't figure out if her husband was on there.

What is EP? (Sorry still learning the lingo.)

We've been to counseling. He's totally open with his phones.

Extrodinary precautions.

Have you checked out the operation investigate board? There are wonderful ways to find out who people are.

Have you checked out intellius?

I understand that her H deserves to know, but how will this help me when I see her? Because I've gotten her back? Will I feel better because now she'll suffer a little?

I just don't want to feel so emotional when I see her almost a year later.

Jendubz,

From everything you have written this women is engaging in a horrible 2nd life and has her BH convinced she is just friends with all these guys. This woman is a loose cannon in your life.

Given her history and the fact that she is easy it is doubtful your H did not have a physical affair.

Her husband can and must be found, also try www.linkedin.com , www.veromi.com , etc, for that matter I would hire a PI to track her home. Whatever you do, do not warn her, expose suddenly and completely.

You can also combine keywords in google searches, for example "Mrs Mary Easy" pigeons, if you happen to know that she keeps pigeons. If she has children you can often find them on facebook without their security set.

God Bless
Gamma

Exactly what Gamma says.

It will also help you because her BH can keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn't try to contact your WH.

Did your WH write a NC letter?

You and her BH will keep them under watch.

It isn't about you making her suffer it's about your WH making sure EP's are in place for your M to start recovery.

There are steps you need to take to work the MB plan.

...how will this help me when I see her? Because I've gotten her back?

(Apologies to Shakespeare)

How will it help you? Let me count the ways....

1) possibly her BH will not treat news of her screwing another man as...civilized...as she says he would, and redecorates her face

2) possibly she and BH will be the ones to move away. Which reputation is easier to live with in a community: Being a hound (like your WH), or being an easy piece (like POSOW)?

3) possibly her husband will lash out at your BH (Don't try to tell us that that wouldn't be a BIT satisfying)

4) possibly ideally the wives of all male co-workers would be alerted to guard their domains. You would be a Paladin!

I can go on, but I think you can fill in some other possible benefits on your own.

Pull the pin; toss the grenade; listen for the "boom".

jen, you are still very angry (not that i blame you!). it doesn't sound like your h has taken any precautions nor made you feel safe. what part of the programme are you working?

it's important that you feel safe and comfortable, no matter when or where you see her (should you have to). are you using poja? can you brainstorm up some ideas that would allow you not to run into her?

if you had precautions in place, you could be the one laughing when you see her.

and don't worry about *her*<L laughing. what could she possibly be saying? "yes, i'm a stupid homewrecking wh0re who runs around on her husband, isnt' that hysterical?"

She has blocked you on FB so you can't see her. Have a friend look her up from their FB acct. Might give you clues.

He did not do a NC letter. He said he told her to stop contacting him. But that didn't work because she contacted him again in March of 2011.

Letty - WH really has tired. He's been completely transparent since all of this and we've been really close. Even my family said they've noticed a difference. We did not use this site when we were going through everything but we did/do go to counseling. I feel like asking him to do some of the things on this site would be going backwards. As if it would bring everything back up. I feel safe with him, but when I see her alone I get so angry. You made me laugh with the last comment! Thanks for that!

itsmeagain - I'll ask a friend to look for her.

Exactly. Have a friend get access and look for siblings of her husband's - that's the line I had to go through as the OW's H was not on FB either in my case. I was able to find a sister in law of OW's and her husband's brothers. I messaged all of them. It had great effect! (The SIL/Brother called me.)

You need to at least look into the program in terms of what you need for your marriage to go forward. Read His Needs Her Needs and Lovebusters, for instance - and do the questionnaires.

It's one thing to get past his EA, but if you do not make your marriage what it needs to be, you will be in danger of going through this again - or even worse - in the future.

Counseling does not equal a recovery program - believe me - I've been there, done that. There are some good counselors but most are not trained in how to affair proof your marriage.

I'm concerned about rehashing this whole thing.

We're past this. I just need to know how to cope with running into her when moving is not an option.

Contacting her BH would fix this? How do I react if she comes to me about this? Or my WH? I'm just trying to play this out in my head.

I feel like a year later would be difficult to bring all of this back up when it seems like the dust has settled. WH doesn't even know that I saw her Tuesday and Wednesday. I didn't mention it. I read somewhere on this site that I should not bring up her name because that just makes him think of her. I tried finding that again today, but I can't seem to locate it. As much as I want to ask if they've talked or anything like that, I just don't feel I should. Things have been great the past few months.

I wasn't referring to rehashing the affair: I mean in terms of making your marriage affair proof. First, he needs to recognize he has bad boundaries with women, More importantly, the two of you need to build a marriage that is based on meeting each other's needs and not committing lovebusters, etc... You need to commit 15-20 hours a week to totally focus on each other... all these basic principles can be found in Dr. Harley's books. My husband and I did the "Marriage Builders at home" program and it is WONDERFUL!

And yes - it is still important for the skank's husband to know!

I think a year later is the best time to drop a bomb on her. She won't be expecting it at all.

Don't be afraid of her reactions.