Last August I admitted to my husband I was having an affair. It started as an EA and then PA and then EA. He was my first love, my high school sweetheart...30 years ago. We reconnected on fb. I met up with him in Nov. He was just finalizing his divorce after a 25 year marriage. I thought I was just going to be a good friend to him, but after 5 months of "friendship", it became physical. I was very lonely in my 25 year marriage. Was feeling very neglected and was starving for the attention and affection. After telling my husband in August, the PA ended but the EA continued through texting, phone calls, emails, and an occasional accidentally on purpose encounter. My husband was devasted, but begged me to come back to him. He showed me nothing but love and support, begged me to give up the contact, but I was addicted, I couldn't stop. My husband and I continued to share a bed every night. I knew deep down that I loved my husband, but I couldn't admit. At first it was as if he smothered me so much that I couldn't think. There was a tug-a-war going on in my head. I couldn't give up the contact with the OM, but I couldn't leave my husband either. A few weeks ago, my husband started turning away from me in bed, no more contact. He started distancing himself from me. After months of begging me to come back, he gave up. When I realized he gave up, something snapped in me and I knew exactly where I wanted to be. I wanted my husband back more than anything in this world. I stopped all contact with the OM. I am back and ready to give my husband 110%, but I am too late. I have my head out of the "fog" now that I have no contact with the OM. I am sooo very much in love with my husband, but it's too late. He wants a divorce and says he doesn't love me anymore. He says it went on for too long and he slowly slipped away. He wants everything on friendly terms, but says he can't forget. My heart is broken. We are still sharing a bed. We are still intimate. I can't stop telling him how much I love him...but it is all one sided now, we sort of flip-flopped. There were things to lead to the affair, but there is no excuse for what I did, no matter what. I don't blame my husband for wanting a divorce. I am thankful he stuck by me all these months. I just want him back so bad. I miss US.

LostNLove2

Can you give us more info on your situation?

Exactly how long have you been N/C with the OM?

How old are you both?

First marriage for both of you?

Any children and there ages?

Have you read the basic concepts at the top of the page in the red banner?

As a Former Wayward Husband (FWH) I can see you are still in the fog by your post. You may have a chance to turn this around as you expressed but expect 2 X 4's coming your way. There is a very narrow path that has to be followed to lead to marital recovery. Even though some of the post's may contain 2 x 4's they are used to help guide you and really take a look at a behavior or thought processes that are "typically wayward".

How much reading have you done here?

Read all you can and if you are serious about saving your (M) marriage keep coming back.

This board can not run off anyone who is serious about saving their marriage.

Its late and the week end so expect responses to be slow.

nESRE

Read this Thread How a WW tries to save her marriage.

Many of your answers are in there.

You will need to get ready because you are going to start marathon training today.

You need to read up on Plan A ... you are going to need to Plan A your BH. The thread above will help you understand how you need to work on yourself.

My husband and I have been married going on 26 years now, only marriage for both of us. My husband is 54 and I am 48. We have 3 children, DS24, DS20, and DD4. I am a stay-at-home mom.

I just recently stopped the contact with the OM, approximately 2 weeks now. My husband has access to my email and fb accts and to my cell phone. Yes, I am reading everything I can.

I little more info..I was as sneaky as I knew how to be. I was like a rebellious teenager. The more my husband snooped, the more I did. For instance, I could get on his history on his computer and see that he had been checking our cell phone acct to see the number of incoming and outgoing text messages, and I would get mad and text that much more. He would confront me about them, but it didn't stop me. I had a second phone at one time and he found it and broke it in front of me. I never replaced it. We have a landline phone that is only used for our internet service. I added long distance to it so that I could use it for contact with the OM when my husband was at work. My husband gave me one chance after another and I just kept going. The OM was meeting my emotional needs, but I know now that wasn't enough to make me happy. I thought it was at the time. I was shown the door many times, but I never left. I think I was in love with 2 men at the same time, but my husband was my security. He stood by me and kept telling me he still loved me and I guess I thought as long as he kept saying that, it was ok to continue with what I was doing. It was when I heard him say that he didn't love me anymore and wanted a divorce, that I realized I loved him more than I ever thought I did. I did't think I could give up the contact with the OM, which was mostly texting after August...and A LOT of it. He said all the right words that I needed to hear to keep me feeling good. He was an addiction. I had a little bit of withdraws, but it was just conversation with him that I missed. Right now, I give my husband my undivided attention, even though he doesn't seem to want it. I am trying so hard to meet his needs, but he doesn't seem to want it. He wants everything on friendly terms. I know that is some love still there, but he can't admit it. We still spend time together and share a bed. He just says that it went on too long and he can't forget.

I know I am jumping all over the place here. I am trying to think back on some things and maybe just needing to vent as well. Also, very desperate.

PrayIncessantly, thank you for the thread you referred me to. I have been reading it.

That level of cruelty explains why he fell out of love with you. What a turn off. He has every right and reason to divorce you. Do you live in a fault state where he can divorce you on grounds of adultery? I know in Texas, where I live, even though it is a no fault state, one can introduce adultery to get a more favorable settlement.

Do your children know what you did to their father? What about the OM's wife? Does she know you were shagging her husband?

First off MelodyLane, I came here for help only. I am at my lowest low, but I do deserve your reply. I am taking full blame for the A. I do not blame my husband, even though I was starving for the attention and affection that led to the A.

Yes, our children know everything. I told them the same night I told my husband.

As for the divorce, he has not filed. He is leaving it up to me and wants to agree on everything. He wants everything done on a friendly basis. I won't file until he tells me, because I am praying hard for us to be able to reconcile. I have to have surgery soon and he wants me here while I recover so that he can help me. I told him I would put it off, but he insist I have it while I still have his insurance and before going back to work. He continues to say he cares deeply for me and I am hanging on to that.

As I stated before, the OM is divorced, however, his family knows everything.

So what extraordinary precautions have you given your BH?

What boundaries have you put together? How to Survive an Affair

I am sorry. I am not sure I know what you are asking. Also, being new here, even though I have done a lot of reading, I don't know what all the abbreviations are that are being used.

Thank you

How to Survive an Affair
Recovery After an Affair

Lostinlove, you won't get any sympathy from me. I understand you are sad, [you are at your "lowest low"] but that is self inflicted pain. My main concern is for your husband. You are sad because of your own actions; you volunteered for that. He has had the brunt of your cruel and abusive behavior for some time. You are not the victim, after all. What are you doing to make this up to him? Have you offered to make just compensation?


Wasn't he married when you began your affair with him? Does his XW know the part you played in her marriage? Have you made amends to her?


If you don't blame him, why bring it up? When a person is truly remorseful, they don't cite the shortcomings of others. I hope you don't think that a lack of attention is an excuse to shag someone else's husband, because it is not.

Have you read this article? Can't We Just Forgive and Forget?

"Finalizing a divorce" is wayward speak for MARRIED. Has your husband spoken to his wife to find out the true state of his marriage and to tell her he was shagging you while still married to her?

Guess I worded that wrong. His divorce had just became final...he was divorced when we started our online contact. He told his ex-wife and children everything.

Has that information been verified by your husband? Has your husband told his wife HIMSELF about the affair?

Ok..let's put it this way. There was a keylogger installed on my computer. I had access to the OM's email and facebook and he had access to mine. Also, the OM had not changed his passwords after his divorce, so his XW was reading everything as well. Therefore, everyone knows everything..all confirmed and verified.

"Ok..let's put it this way. There was a keylogger installed on my computer. I had access to the OM's email and facebook and he had access to mine. Also, the OM had not changed his passwords after his divorce, so his XW was reading everything as well. Therefore, everyone knows everything..all confirmed and verified."

And how do you know the XW was reading everything and knows everything?

LostNLove2

2 words and a question come to my mind.

Get a good handle on these two words and know the difference.

Apologies and a word ML brought up-Ammends.

Your BH has probably had enough of the first word as apologies by a wayward are empty and meaningless. How have you done in the ammends department?

Answer this question as a third party looking into your marriage situation--->With only two weeks of No Contact with the Other Man

Why would your BH want to continue this marriage?

nESRE

I was reading her emails to the OM. She made comments to him on the emails between the two of us.