I was wondering if any FWW would explain what was going through their heads while involved in their affairs? I'd like to try and understand the view from the fog a little better.

1. Were you able to share your love with your husband and the OM at the same time? Or you were a cold fish to husband while thinking of being with OM?

2. Did you care about your career, children, or family or were you just so consumed in the affair that you would throw everything away to allow it to continue?

3. What EN did the OM meet that was the biggest reason the affair began?

4. Was it ever just about raw sex or did you need a solid emotional connection for it to get physical?

Hope this may help.

Inside the mind of a wayward written by a FWW

Hi RCX,

I am a FWW in a recovered marriage. For reference, my affair occurred 7 years ago, and lasted approximately 3 months.

I presume [and I don't know, as I haven't read your story] that you are asking relative to your own situation where your WW is still engaged in a active affair? If that is the case, you are inquiring about the random head ramblings of an active addict -- and really there is not much to be gleaned by examining that conflicted wreck. What I mean is, can you see that it would be pretty pointless to offer a falling down drunk or a crack addict a penny for their thoughts? I think it would be more beneficial to ask a recovered/recovering addict how they got clean, and what they do to stay clean, but I'll leave that up to you.

All that being said, I'll answer your questions in a general sense:

1. Most women are unable to love more than one man at a time.

2. Addicts put their addiction first. Make no mistake about it, waywards are addicts.

3. I think the answer to that varies according to the ENs of the WW. In general, it's usually conversation, affection and admiration for wayward wives.

4. Most women require an emotional connection before a physical one.

Mrs. W

RCX,

1.I am a new FWW (5.5 months past DDay). During my A I had a lot of guilt but it did nothing to stop my actions. While I did feel guilty for my H I did pull away from him and was totally consumed with thoughts of the OM.

2. No the A put me in a state of mind where I did not care about anything but the A. In fact, I almost lost my job, my kids , and my H because of it. At the time however I did not care. It is almost like ,an adrenaline rush. You just act do stupid and careless for a cheap thrill.

3. At first I tried to convince myself that t he OM met so many EMs that my H did not. While there were a few at the time, the just of it was that I had bad boundries with him. We worked together and I let my guard down and allowed him to flirt with me and talk to me about personal things. Do I guess in a sense I
was giving my ENs over to him and taking them from my H.

4. It definitely started out as emotional. In fact the physical side of if made me sick because my guilt was so strong.

Here's what good old doctor says himself: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5033a_qa.html

It it not that hard to figure out the fog when you draw a parallel to an addiction. This is the same thing. Once you get her away from her next fix (OM) permanently, the fog starts lifting. But this rehab takes time and is emotionally draining (state of withdrawal) to a both a bs and a ws.
People in the fog act like drug addicts where actions in between fixes seem irrational yet very determined because their only goal is their next shot. In general, they will do anything to get their next fix. Even use you.