|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
Really? UP YOURS !  Go ahead, notify the mods.  Hey, I was just about to recommend that Mike ask you about your continued participation here! Mrs. W I'm not in the mood. He'll just have to figure it out all by his lonesome.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316 |
I'm not in the mood. I'm in the mood to give you one of these~~~>  and tell you how very glad I am that you are still here. You've been held very close in thought and prayer around our house [and in conversations too], Dear One. You mean so much to our family.  Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,964
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,964 |
MikeStillSmiling,
I like to read the posts of some of the people whose spouses cheated on them 15, 20+ years ago. For them to still be interested in coming onto a site such as this and to offer suggestions on infidelity means to me that one really never gets over it.
It's especially true that you never get over it when you have no one you can talk to about it, most men, and you just go on with your life as if nothing happened.
It also takes time since for all those years we had crippled marriages, in some ways, and just like different factors increase the recovery time, the longer something remains hidden or suppressed the longer the recovery time is.
I think it is similar to how some former alcoholics have told me they feel when they look back on years and years blighted by booze.
There is also the factor that with long ago affairs the WS often feels the right to "forget" and feels that "forgiveness" is implicit. Extraordinary amounts of persuasion need to be used as well to get the smallest of admissions.
My W is in the habit of occasional trickle truths, last week she realized I was jealous "because of things W did".
God Bless
Gamma
Last edited by Gamma; 04/11/12 08:44 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 995
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 995 |
Really? UP YOURS ! Go ahead, notify the mods. Hey, I was just about to recommend that Mike ask you about your continued participation here! Mrs. W I'm not in the mood. He'll just have to figure it out all by his lonesome. I couldnt care less about what she thinks.
Life keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping into the fuuuu-ture.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
[I did not cut any MB corners. I really didn�t. Yet a post adultery M is still not good enough, and never under any circumstances will be. Period. Has little to do with MB. I think it is me. Aph, yesterdays radio show addressed this issue. Dr Harley explained that if a WS does not commit to marriage recovery after the affair, then Plan B followed by divorce is advised.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2,621
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2,621 |
Thanks, I'll listen to it.
And yes, I did give her a list of requirements. And formal Plan B letter. And we did the ENQ several times. And many of the other Q's together too.
"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS." ~Mulan
"An ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife. A moral man will not actually do it." ~ Ducky
WS: They are who they are.
When an eel lunges out
And it bites off your snout
Thats a moray ~DS
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2,621
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2,621 |
Mel, do you have a link? I can't find the show you refer to.
"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS." ~Mulan
"An ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife. A moral man will not actually do it." ~ Ducky
WS: They are who they are.
When an eel lunges out
And it bites off your snout
Thats a moray ~DS
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Thanks, I'll listen to it.
And yes, I did give her a list of requirements. And formal Plan B letter. And we did the ENQ several times. And many of the other Q's together too. But you are not in Plan B or divorced, though. How do you explain you are out of Plan B if she has not committed to the program? The only reason to come out of Plan B is if the WS fully commits to the program of recovery. Hasn't she even been in contact with her OM over the years? Can you refresh my memory?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197 |
The reason I keep coming back is not because I haven't gotten over it, but because I get great personal satisfaction helping others get over it. When I arrived, I got very little help at all. Rather, I was attacked by wayward wives for making "DJs" against adultery. Waywards pretty much ran this place then and if you pointed out that adultery was, in fact, pretty despicable, posters were quickly shut down. The loud and proud OW from the TOW used to troll over here on a regular basis. My oh my, how times have changed!  ML, recently I had a FWW friend of mine tell me about her A. She told me that she found out the OM's BW was using these forums for support, and she logged on and posted things 'just to mess with her.' First, I told her that was pure evil and she should be praying to God for forgiveness nightly for that. Second, I thought to myself, MelodyLane would NEVER let that happen without opening up a can on a wayward, would she??? Or any of you firecracker vets who don't take no fog talk! Guess this explains how that can happen. I think you vets are what makes these forums so valuable. PS FWW friend also told me her OM, who went NCO with her per the boundaries set by his wife, was doing great and they were very happy. I said, how do you know that? She said, well we continue to exchange emails on our birthdays, just to 'honor our relationship and the love we have for each other.' I said, there is no honor in your relationship, and that is not love. blahblahblahfogtalk. She has barely spoken to me since. Guess that is the way it works.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
I said, how do you know that? She said, well we continue to exchange emails on our birthdays, just to 'honor our relationship and the love we have for each other.' 
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
[Second, I thought to myself, MelodyLane would NEVER let that happen without opening up a can on a wayward, would she??? Or any of you firecracker vets who don't take no fog talk! Guess this explains how that can happen. I think you vets are what makes these forums so valuable. Thanks unwritten! Just wanted to point out that the OW don't troll this board anymore...
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Aphelion, here is the link where Harley says: "if the spouse really isn't on board then I recommend Plan B." He has said this numerous other times, but this is a recent one. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=3757
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10 |
Thanks unwritten! Just wanted to point out that the OW don't troll this board anymore... ML, recently I had a FWW friend of mine tell me about her A. She told me that she found out the OM's BW was using these forums for support, and she logged on and posted things 'just to mess with her.' MelodyLane: apparently they do!!!!!
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10 |
They have to hide, like cockroaches, though...
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
They have to hide, like cockroaches, though... They used to come over here all loud and proud and start up threads harassing BS's. Like you noticed, now they just hide like the cockroaches they are. And we have caught some of them too!! For example, here is one such skankho we flushed out. She was over here posting to a BW trying to encourage her to give up on her marriage: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2066505#Post2066505
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197 |
Thanks unwritten! Just wanted to point out that the OW don't troll this board anymore... ML, recently I had a FWW friend of mine tell me about her A. She told me that she found out the OM's BW was using these forums for support, and she logged on and posted things 'just to mess with her.' MelodyLane: apparently they do!!!!! This was about 5 yrs ago I believe, I do think I have heard things were different back then. Oh yes, also, when I hear you vets always telling newcomers not to share the forums just yet with their WS's I think of this story, because my FWW friend's boyfriend GAVE my friend his BS's information for the forum so she could find her. EVILNESS. His BS is here for support during the trauma that he caused to his family and he gives his AP his BS's support network info 'to mess with her.' Just blows my mind how disgusting affairs are.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
[
This was about 5 yrs ago I believe, I do think I have heard things were different back then. There were alot of wars on the board back then. I think I was edited 103 times by Justuss in 2006... Myohmy, have times ever changed.... 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
And how do I know that? My pro adultery "fan club" was keeping count in an attempt to get me banned. I think that was the year that one particular OW had 10 different aliases,[Sarie/Itwontrainalways/Celt/BlessedTime, etc, etc] all used to attack me.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,983
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,983 |
Then there are the WS with aliases...uugggghhhh.....does the craziness ever stop?
"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
270
guests, and
74
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,623
Posts2,323,495
Members71,968
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
