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Four months after the divorce was final, I adopted a second cat ... Four months after the divorce was final, he gets married again.

Friend, your second cat got a better deal than his second wife.

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Originally Posted by NeverGuessed
Four months after the divorce was final, I adopted a second cat ... Four months after the divorce was final, he gets married again.

Friend, your second cat got a better deal than his second wife.
rotflmao
I have chuckled over this all day, thanks NG.


Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.

WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.

Plan B has set me free.

"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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hug Mulan. I also just wanted to say thanks for giving the update. I have read your threads and admired you for your journey and growth.

Your update has resonated with me as it is what I am preparing to one day learn. My Plan B has had chinks in it. I have learned of an OC. I am not divorced yet. I fully expect once the divorce is final, WH will remarry shortly after. In the small town I live in, it is likely someone will eventually tell me of this. I fully intend to have Plan B'd so well that whilst it might hurt, I will be happy regardless.

Maybe its time I got a cat flirt



Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.

WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.

Plan B has set me free.

"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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Yes, you should. Get a Ragdoll cat, they are infamously lovable, I hear.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Thanks, all, for your responses. Yes, I do recommend cats as companions. They are very loyal and will not ever lie to you. It could be worse.

Well, let's see: I can only wonder if she knows that he was only divorced for four months when they married, and was almost certainly still married when they started "dating". Think she asked to see a copy of his divorce decree? Or did he just lie to her about how long he'd been single and she swallowed everything he said?

And if she *did* know, then she is completely nuts for marrying ANYONE who was barely out of his very long-term marriage and had obviously not had time to come to terms with it - was obviously just trying to run away from it. Everybody needs time to get their head on straight after a divorce. *Either way*, she is remarkably stupid.

I can only wonder if she knows he still has a joint checking account and joint home ownership with his ex-wife, and that until last year (when it was destroyed in an accident) he had joint ownership with me on my Saturn SUV. He refused to sign it over, even though that would have been very easy and he was specifically ordered to do this in the divorce HE wanted.

Having a fresh new wifey would, however, explain why he flatly refused to change this arrangement, even when I repeatedly sent letters to his lawyer insisting that he just pay me alimony directly and get his name off my car. The lawyer informed me that everything was fine as it was and nothing would be changed. That's insane to want to keep an arrangment like that with an ex-wife that you dumped and I could not understand it at all - until now.

It makes perfect sense if you don't want the new wifey to find out the truth about your financial dealings, and you opened new accounts with a new bank so she wouldn't see the old joint checking account at the old bank with the old wife. Think she'll start looking? He lied and lied about money with me, too. When I started looking and asking questions, that's when I got fired.

Again: Either she is beyond stupid to accept an unhealthy arrangment like this, or she's not about to upset her nice new marriage by being "controlling" and "judgmental" like his horrible ex-wife and is living under a cloud of lies and denial. Enjoy, honey. Hope it's worth it to you. I couldn't take it. Maybe you can.

About a year and a half ago I sent a box full of old pictures, mostly of us with HIS family, to him at his work. I did not want to throw them away, so that's what I did. No note, no nothing, just the pictures. Haaaa! Wonder how that went over with her? Or did he just throw the box away or otherwise keep her from knowing about it?

Since he left almost four years ago, there's been a pile of boxes with his personal stuff in them - things that I don't want and I don't need for the house. I tried to do the decent thing and box them up, and asked my son more than once to get a friend to just take the sh*t over to Daddy's house so we could have more room in the garage. Nobody would even consider it. Now I know why. Wouldn't want to upset new little wifey by getting a load of stuff from his old life! Sure, it's always been okay to torment ME to death with his girlfriends and his lies, but we don't want to upset HER.

I couldn't sleep last night, and this morning was trash pickup, so at about 4:30 a.m. I loaded as much of as I could into the wheelie bin and took it to the curb. The rest is in a heap out back and will go out with the next pickup.

Amazing how things suddenly make sense, innit?


Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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Mulan, you have spent more time on the note above than he's worth. Re-set your "Plan B Death Ray" to full power, and keep him FAR in your past, okay?

Re: the garbage's garbage, two options:

1)A letter from your lawyer to his giving uno-who two months to make arrangements to have it picked up, or it will all be donated/trashed.
2) Arrange with a trusted third-party to cart it over there and leave it at his front door.

Move on, kiddo.

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Um, NG - I just got sucker-punched with this barely 48 hours ago. I knew *nothing* about it. I am not one to just stuff things down and try to ignore them and hope they go away. My post above was one way of dealing with it and facing it head on.

If there's one thing I always find insulting and demeaning and dismissive, it's "move on". I have "moved on" a great deal in the past four years. If it was that easy to forget and "move on", I'd be just as cold-blooded and just as much in denial as he is. I do still have feelings and I'm glad I do, even if that means I have to take the time to work through them.

Which I am. That's where the post above came from.


Me, BW
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Things that may not seem that big of a deal to an outsider, can be HUGE to a person in a dark PLan B, and that's kinda the point. See, while you are in Plan B, you don't think about that person, and your feelings for them kinda get buried away. It's like a scab gets placed over the pain, hurt, anger, etc. Then, something comes up and that scab gets ripped off. Not only does the pain from the ripping occur, but so does the original pain that was under there trying to heal itself.

I know you(Mulan) will get through this with class and dignity. You have with everything else in the past. I honestly am envious of your PLan B darkness, as I KNOW that I would hear about any nuptials that happen between my WH and any future bride. It's hard enough to get some people not to tell me about walking past WH at Walmart.

Take your time, get yourself refocused, and follow your plan. hug



BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Originally Posted by Mulan
If it was that easy to forget and "move on", I'd be just as cold-blooded and just as much in denial as he is. I do still have feelings and I'm glad I do, even if that means I have to take the time to work through them.

This is a very powerful statement Mulan, and one I find breathtaking to read. I find Plan B is great but it still cannot protect from the catastrophic damage done to the children when there is an ongoing divorce due to adultery. I hate the term "move on". It implies the nuclear bomb the wayturd dropped should just be swept up and forgotten. How can anyone move on when your world was rocked by an atomic bomb? We can tend to the wounds ... but we never forget ... the scars are deep and painful... when divorce results from this bomb there are years of healing that must take place.

I will absolutely die when my WH remarries ... I love this man with all my being, and want nothing more than him to return to the body he used to call home.

Today ... WH is an extremely selfish, narcissistic, immature manboy ... thank goodness none of those whores will ever have my husband. They get some alien replicate with a harden soul and spiritless eyes.

God Bless

Tough~

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Originally Posted by Mulan
Either she is beyond stupid to accept an unhealthy arrangment like this, or she's not about to upset her nice new marriage by being "controlling" and "judgmental" like his horrible ex-wife and is living under a cloud of lies and denial. Enjoy, honey. Hope it's worth it to you. I couldn't take it. Maybe you can.


Well, he lost his pretty amazing wife, and this is a guy who likes having a home, a base or (what passes for) a marriage. Part time only of course.

Since you 'got fired' (I'll use your phrase though I would have said it was the other way around) for being too smart and on the ball.... what do you think was on the top of his shopping list for a new wife?

Dumb.

While its marginally possible he's tricking a smart girl, it would be easier for him to just pick up someone dumb.

Most of the ENs can be met by someone dumb. A lot of them anyway, and he's not too concerned about getting all his needs in one place. The others can be met elsewhere.

Originally Posted by Mulan
If there's one thing I always find insulting and demeaning and dismissive, it's "move on".


I have to agree with this. My lovely, affectionate dad who is kinda hot tempered, is constantly telling me to 'move on'. Yells it, sometimes. Part of it is not wanting me to be upset, part of it is being terrified at my being open to the idea of recovery.. I tell myself its affectionate, but it does grate.

So the break in Plan B is NOT fun. They never are. But you will get back to where you need to be. One of the great things about this horrible ride is you learn what you are capable of.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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The money may be one of her highest EN's ... she doesn't care what he does as long as he showers her with money. She doesn't care where the money comes and goes as long as it sees her purse daily.

Just like Holyheart's whorish OW ... she used the man until his finances all dried up and then she was out the door. He is left bankrupt, extremely wayward, and is delusional thinking Holyheart is the main reason his whore is gone.

This relationship won't last Mulan ... as he ages ... she won't want to deal with the ailments. As long as you are to get a substantial part of his paycheck ... you should do some super snooping to see how much money she is really spending.

With the economy today ... his retirement may run out long before he is ready to retire, especially if he needs to buy fancy stuff.

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(((Mulan)))

This isn't helping you - back to plan B!


Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Originally Posted by bigkahuna
(((Mulan)))

This isn't helping you - back to plan B!


She is still in her plan, the photo was an accidental find.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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And she needs to process it. I can't imagine discovering something like this and NOT having a response. No Plan B can be guarenteed airtight. There is always the potential for cracks, as BS's are only in control of their actions, not others.

Mulan, I liked your reasoning about your reaction, you are human after all.

A wayward boxes things up. The betrayed grieves and processes. And LEARNS and GROWS.


Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.

WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.

Plan B has set me free.

"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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Im pretty sure that if my WH and OW were to get married, I would find out. Not instantly, because people are briefed not to tell, but it would happen at some point.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Thank you all for your responses. I'm just amused because now, finally, we can use the word "whore" on MB. About time!


Me, BW
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What advice would you give fellow Plan Bers?

We have a few on the board and a few preparing for it now. What can they learn from your experience?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by Mulan
Thank you all for your responses. I'm just amused because now, finally, we can use the word "whore" on MB. About time!

rotflmao


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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I'm just amused because now, finally, we can use the word "whore" on MB. About time!

Yup! And women can use "skank"! (Men can, too, unless there is a chance that the "skank" might read it!)

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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
What advice would you give fellow Plan Bers? We have a few on the board and a few preparing for it now. What can they learn from your experience?


Well, let's see: I learned that if your "Plan B" is tight enough, your XWS is liable to go to mindblowing lengths of insanity in order to:

1) Get your attention
and
2) Prove to themselves that the destruction of their 25-year marriage and family had nothing to do with them, that they are a wonderful marriage partner, and everybody likes them best.

In this case, #1 didn't work (not until much, much later) but #2 sure did.

But of course, that's just a jealous, scorned, dumped ex-wife talking. It's really true love at long last. Everybody can see that. Right?


Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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