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Made an appointment with Dr. Harley tonight.
Last edited by EydisSteffanson; 04/30/12 09:32 PM.
No longer a Wayward (and don't have to live with that hanging over my head too, because I am forgiven)! Living a new way of life by consistant practice of MB principles in my own life.
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Good for you! Hopefully he can keep you moving in the right direction!
Me, BS: 35 WxH: 36 "HAM" Hearts a mess 6yo DS (with WxH), 9 and 12yo DDs from first marriage Discovered DH's affair in June, 2011 "I'm not having an affair, you're crazy." major gaslighting Served with divorce papers on 2/3/12 Divorce final 7/29/2013 Living day by day, counting my blessings, loving my children Personal Recovery well underway!
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Made an appointment with Dr. Harley tonight. Good let us know what he says.
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Please. Just create a life that includes as much of your child as possible. Live near her. Ask for visitation galore. Then, focus on visitation and loving your child and creating a relationship with her. Show her that irregardless of your relationship with her father and your absence from her life early on.....you adore her. Your world revolves around her.
Put your relationship with her father to the side as you focus on bonding with her. Do not focus on him nor winning him over. That might come if you do the other but if it doesn't, it doesn't.
Be a mother.
This is your most important role in your life. I wanted to repost reading's words. They articulate what I hope for you. I sorry Mary, but you are confusing me. After reading's post, you admit you want to focus more on your daughter, regardless of the outcome with BXH. Now, you are booking an appointment with the Harleys??? I am a huge believer in coaching with the Harley's, but right here and now, you do not have a marriage to save. You have a daughter who needs her mother though. Yet you continue to focus on other things... winning your BXH back, your education, your finances, you being a better person. I just don't get it. A few days ago you were saying you didn't have the money to move to your daughter, now you can book sessions with the Harley's when you are no longer married. Can you please explain what you hope to achieve with coaching?
Me (BW): 35 Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.
WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it. Plan B has set me free.
"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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Hi Caracal.
Financially, I am not able to move immediately--maybe this is where the misunderstanding springs from. I will when I finish the preparation steps needed--which is what is going on right now.
The appointment with the Harleys is about improving myself, NOT about "saving" a marriage. Hope that clears things up for you.
Being a great mom means being there for her, and in ADDITION, improving myself. THERE NEEDS TO BE SOME FUNDAMENTAL INTERNAL CHANGES in order to be the best mother I can be, and there is nothing wrong with seeking trusted help. AGAIN: The appointment is not about "saving" a marriage. There is something I can learn from an hour talking with Dr. Harley about this situation, and about what happened.
No longer a Wayward (and don't have to live with that hanging over my head too, because I am forgiven)! Living a new way of life by consistant practice of MB principles in my own life.
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Thanks for explaining Mary. I didn't realise the Harley's dealt with individual changes, as all I have read is about marriage building.
I really do wish you well.
Let us know what the Harley's say.
Me (BW): 35 Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.
WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it. Plan B has set me free.
"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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I just want to clarify that if you are having telephone coaching, it won't be Dr Bill Harley you will be speaking to, but Dr Harley's son, Steve Harley. Dr Harley does not do telephone coaching. You can speak to him by phone if he agrees to deal with your email on the radio show, though.
The pedant in me always like to see people being clear on that!
BW Married 1989 His PA 2003-2006 2 kids.
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Optimism, I haven't seen you on here for quite some time, and I want to thank you for your advice. It's been hugely encouraging, and has shoved me forward, and encouraged me. I am going to better myself, and I know it will benefit my daughter. I can't wait to see her--mere months before the Big Move! I ahve a lot to plan, to do, to set up. --Mary, I was on vacation for a few days. Had a great time with my GF in sunny florida. I was checking a couple times but not posting. I like the alteration of focus you have made. I think it will serve you well in the long run. I'm particularly grateful for the words others have offered you here; I believe it's important to get as much input as possible when you are attempting to change things in your life. People here have a lot of wisdom and see things objectively with experiences of their own and in many cases having seen how advice here can positively affect others over time. You continue to have patience and perseverance. That is much to your credit. I think if you stay focused on the goals you have set for yourself, good things will happen. The right things. As for your appt with Dr. Harley. I am very happy to hear you have contacted Joyce and will possibly be on the radio show. I agree with others that the topic will be unconventional for him wth the show, but frankly I've been listening to the show for a while and it seems to me they could benefit from some material that is a little off the beaten path. I hope this means you've been listening to the show as well -- it is very helpful in my view. opt
Last edited by optimism; 05/03/12 08:21 AM. Reason: add quotes
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Hi--sorry the length of time. Been SUPER busy since I am wrapping things up here (for a move) almost forgot my passowrd!
Be back in a while, don't know how long.
A word of advice for newcomers: Don't shy away form doing what you know is right, even though you may be attacked by bitter and angry people. Read the Marraige Builders principles for yourselves, STICK WITH IT, and make your own decisions based on that and the Word, and you will do wonderfully!
I will be back soon!
P.S. Thank you optimism. Because of you, I've stuck with listening to Dr. Harley and Dr. Harley, and continuing reading the MB principles in the litereature.
No longer a Wayward (and don't have to live with that hanging over my head too, because I am forgiven)! Living a new way of life by consistant practice of MB principles in my own life.
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Hi--sorry the length of time. Been SUPER busy since I am wrapping things up here (for a move) almost forgot my passowrd!
Be back in a while, don't know how long.
A word of advice for newcomers: Don't shy away form doing what you know is right, even though you may be attacked by bitter and angry people. Read the Marraige Builders principles for yourselves, STICK WITH IT, and make your own decisions based on that and the Word, and you will do wonderfully!
I will be back soon!
P.S. Thank you optimism. Because of you, I've stuck with listening to Dr. Harley and Dr. Harley, and continuing reading the MB principles in the litereature. So how did your appointment go? Did you talk to Dr. Harley on the radio show or coach with Steve Harley?
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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