Yes, this is most likely heading to D, but especially since you have been propping up the affair the whole time, it will give you peace of mind to know you did everything possible down the road. And even if this ends in D, you want to put everything into motion to put as much pressure on the affair as possible. The affair & WH's affair fog hurts your children regardless.

At least three "vets" have already given you advice regarding exposure... I don't think anything you have written has changed this advice....

This is my own personal advice...

I would hold off on exposure and get the best D settlement possible if all aspects of the D have been outlined and the D can be final rather quickly. Make sure you get what you want financially as well as the visitation issues, not having OW around your children, etc. addressed...and make sure it is all spelled out VERY VERY clear so you don't have to go back to court to clarify.

You may even have to build in contingencies that trigger in the event WH gets support modified...or ask for a larger lump sum payment...look at where you stand should he do X, Y, Z down the road. I don't know what you have in the way of finances together but I can not emphasize this enough...cut as many financial ties as possible. You mention he is a govt worker...if he has more pension benefits, retirement accounts, etc...you have addressed all that? I would think of all these things before you sign that paper though.

Your WH is far, far gone IMO. You can expose later. So long as OW can't come around your children and children can refuse visitation, the affair will implode/explode at some point...or they will make each other miserable which is fine too.

Rainy STOP letting fear and what ifs rule you.

YOU need exposure. You and the kids need it. It may bust up the A, but its about getting justice and support for you.
Its about not being a victim any more

This woman has so screwed with your life, the English expression is 'She's taking the piss' but I dont know if you understand that!

People need to know how dangerous she is. In the interests of justice, you need to say it - loud and proud. Stop being a victim.

Let the lawyers get you a good deal. That can all be handled later. If he wants a D now, he'll stil want a D later. Appeasing him will do nothing.

Stop worrying about 'negotiating' with WH. Everything he says is a lie and I would stop listening to his promises. Get the lawyers to nail stuff down. WH has legal obligations.

Exposure time is now.

rainy, i'm a teacher too, so i know how busy your day is and that this is tormenting you and pulling you to pieces. you are very, very fortunate to have ML on your thread helping you. please, please stop second and third guessing every move; you are basing your constant change-of-decisions on what WH SAYS and WSs are LIARS! he is playing you like a fiddle with the CS and kids. stop letting him be the leader in this game that is your life! you hold the power - take the offensive!

stick to your plan. do the exposure (your BEST weapon!). don't sign anything. follow MLs advice to the letter. (sorry, i didn't even read to the end of your thread this morning to finish catching up! hope i'm not too late.)

I do not like you signing the papers under these circumstances because I feel like it is him manipulating you and using your fears of his retaliation to control this situation. I never, ever want to see people give in to threats, manipulation and fear.

But, I do see your point about why it is in your best interest to do it.

So I am torn.

I also don't want to see you rush into anything or sign something quickly because of this very chaotic situation, and regret it later. Your life is in a whirlwind right now, seems like a bad time to sign on the dotted line.

Just do it.

If it's really in her best interests and WH is making a genuine offer, it can be done later on.

I dont think it is genuine. I think its merely a carrot made of vomit, tbh.

Most waywards only fulfil their obligations at the point of a legal gun.

I have learned time and time again that ML has seen it all before. Read her advice again. She isnt fazed is she? He's exactly like every other lunatic wayward.

Yes, everything is outlined in the agreement - I am entitled to part of his retirement, etc. OW is not allowed anywhere near my children, cannot have photos of them, etc. They can choose if they want to go with him, and hopefully I will have a permanent PO soon anyway. Thank you for this advice. It seems level-headed to me.

Expose this weekend, if WH and OW are together? Would that not unite them? You don't think wait until she is back home, and they are separated? He is ugliest when she is driving him.

Sorry if ive missed this but has your lawyer ok'd it? Take whatever legal protection you can get - but always run it past the lawyer!

All waywards are united at first. Thats cool - thats what you want.

Yes, my lawyer wrote it all.

Sorry, what do you mean by "fazed?" I will read all of ML's advice again. Thanks.

She isnt worried or freaked by his little toddler antics.

Oh, I thought you meant OW not ML. Got it.

Toddler antics. Sooooo true!

Thanks:)

Picture him as a toddler, all red in the face as much as you can.

It'll help bust up this big bad wolf image he's been trying to perpetrate.

What if I say flat out that WH has gone so far downhill the last 4 months as to become physically violent? We've had 2 confrontations where he hit me. I did not file police reports because they said they would have to go get his side of it, who knew how long it would take me to get a protective order, etc. I thought it would just enrage him more, put me and possibly my children in more danger. Him going after my children is what finally pushed me to the limit (shameful, I know) to get the PO, go into Plan B, stand up.

Still say expose without the PO? Or while OW who pushes him to psychotic rages at me and his kids is here to push his buttons? Or wait til he's been served? Which could be tomorrow, but not guaranteed.

And does that change anyone's thoughts on just getting the D over with? He needs to be on meds, is off them, and OW runs him like nothing I've ever seen - he takes all the rage at everything out on the kids and me, which is why I need Plan B - so do my kids.

I would say so. That should rattle up the OWs circle nicely and people should know about this behaviour. Does her BH know? If so, what a nice concerned husband he is (sarcasm)





I dont think it does much tbh. I think your filing it, and saying you have filed it in exposure is enough to give a strong message to WH and that's all the PO is - a strong message that stays 'stay away'. Your real protection will be in plugging up Plan B gaps. You would have to be strict on home security and evading him any way.



Filing for a D is painful. Id wait till youve been in Plan B awhile to do that.

However if your lawyer tells you to do it to get finacial protection etc, then just do it. Its common for Plan Bers to D for those reasons. It isnt necessarily the end of the marriage.

Thanks, indie.