It is also worth mentioning that misuse of NCIC, depending on the nature of the misuse (ie. ranging from curiosity to malicious intent, such as OP describes) is subject to criminal charges, in addition to discipline. This is made very clear on day 1 when being trained for the program.

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Here it is.

Found a radio clip from Dr. Harley telling children even as young as 4.

The Harley's discuss telling the children even as young as 4 about the affair

Alis, 20Yearhistory, Melody, Thank you for the kind words. I am taking this one step at a time, one day at a time. I hope today is a significant "tipping point" with her and she begins to lift her head out of the clouds she's been in. We still have our separate appointments with the marriage counselor Monday and Wednesday. She tells me she needs some time and space to figure things out. I told her she can have all the time and space she needs provided 1) We continue with the counselor until the point comes where we both are in the same room with her together and can properly address things and 2) The other guy is COMPLETELY out of the picture. I said the time and space she's taking now is not time and space when he's filling it. If and when we properly address our issues and we can maturely agree that this is indeed over (Something which I don't believe) then she can run as fast as she can back to him. Unless, of course, he's with some other girl. Which is obscenely possible. We live in a beachtown community and the influx of the summer girls in bikinis drinking and speeding and walking all over town hasn't even begun yet. Our population goes from about 3,300 to well over 25,000 during the summer. I'm taking a small victory away from this today on the long road to success. Thank you.

Can you do Marriage Builder's coaching?

How do I go about doing that?

Here. scheduling with the Coaching center
Coaching center

Ek, she's a serial cheat and alcoholic so even if the other guy is out of the picture that is only a tiny part of the picture.

You need to finish exposure, tell your kids. Everyone needs to be encouraged to talk to her so she implements NC and get her into rehab.

Then you need to implement Mels excellent advice given at the start of your thread.

Which did not include therapy and counselling!

Addicts LOVE therapy - because they don't have to change anything, they just have to talk!

Its a fantastic way to waste 20 years of your life watching how absolutely nothing changes but you will be presented with a variety of creative excuses as to why that's so.

You think having affairs and a secret drinking problem doesn't affect your children?? In what world??

Would an exceptional mother hide a drinking problem and screw around with other men?? That absolutely does not fit the definition of "exceptional mother."

Mothers who drink little to nothing, who are faithful to their husband (and by definition, their family unit) are exceptional. Mothers who use their time taking care of their husbands and children are exceptional mothers.

Mothers who are exceptional mothers don't have time to get plowed on alcohol, wreck cars, and screw around with men who aren't their husband. Exceptional mothers would be appalled at the prospect of doing ANY of that.

It's good that you revealed the sexual abuse she suffered as a child, but do not be distracted by this. It has nothing to do with her decision to have an affair as an adult.

I'm not sure what you said that was irrational, but the rest sounded good. YOU are driving the bus, sir. She can tell you whatever wild-eyed thing she wants, but YOU are at the wheel. Stay calm and stay on course. Do not let her distract you with idiot notions about things like slander. That claim is as common as dirt by OP's who've been busted by a pissed-off spouse. It would never fly.

I think we need to address the safety of your children, here ek.

How do you know your wife is seemingly a good mother (I can't say exceptional) when she's with the kids on her own?

Do you have nannycams? Voice recorders?

Or are you basing this on how she behaves right in front of you? Or what she tells you?

She doesn't screw men right in front of you either, remember.

Two things to keep in mind:

1) The children of addicts are often manipulated into helping the addict lie or cover up stuff.
2) Addicts' behaviour deterioates over time. If she hasn't driven them drunk yet, it doesn't mean she won't.

If you tell your kids the truth, then they can't be told lies by her that are very confusing.

You say you're fully recovered? How? I am desperately trying everything to get to that point. I need your helpful advice. All the advice on here has been exceptional, but you're at the spot I want to be at. Stay in touch.

Where can I find a list of what all the abbreviations mean? it's sometimes confusing.

here you go.

enginekid. You are lucky your kids were not with her.

Have you taken the car keys from her?

Since her license has been revoked, there is no reason for her to have a set of keys.

Are you home with her during the day?

Abbreviations are in the notable posts section of the main forums screen, EK.

Maritalbliss' marital recovery is due to following the MB plan, to the letter. Like everyone elses recovery.

She is one of the main posters who advised me to stop making excuses for my wayward and SNOOP. What I found made my hair stand on end.

I suggest you snoop too.

There are many marital recovery stories on here. Don't worry, there're plenty to advise you. The first poster to respond to you, Melody Lane has been in a happily recovered marriage for ten years!

And advising fellow BSs over that time on here. She once told me she never saw anyone recover their marriage unless they were tough on the addiction.

But you can't do it alone. If your wife is wayward she needs a reason to try, and she doesn't have any. She gets you and lots of other men, that's a dreamworld for a wayward.

She may also choose to be wayward forever, no matter how much MB carrot and stick she gets from you. She has free will. She can be an idiot if she wants to.

You can still have a personal recovery if that happens. The pain of withdrawal is intense and mind blowing but it won't last forever. I'm happier than I've ever been.

Do this.




You must expose and get everyone to speak very firmly with her.

If she doesn't want to end up losing her entire life, she must get sober.

She must see the reality of the situation with tough love.