You have no real need to prove anything to us. We are just strangers on the Internet.

When we post to you with specific questions and suggestions, it is us offering to guide the discussion to help you learn and accomplish what you need to learn and accomplish in order to turn this around, if it can be.

When you let questions and suggestions pass by, it's only yourself and AlmostInvictus that you are hurting.

Amen to this. TRT, I don't post all that much anymore, but I still read here, and I've been reading both yours and your BW's thread.

I ended my adulterous relationship when my husband discovered it. I desperately wanted my marriage, but I trickle truthed my husband for four months. I lied and told him I had not had a PA, it was "only" an EA. He put his heart and soul into our marriage, trying so hard to be an amazing, incredible husband.

Long story short, he found out I had continued to lie after he opened his heart and soul to me. He wound up betrayed all over again when he discovered what a liar I was. I lied for all the reasons people lie, to protect themselves, to save face, you name it. Every lie - every single one - is a new betrayal. It's a new stab wound in a victim who already lies bleeding on the floor.

My lies - maybe even more so than my adultery - completely torpedoed any chance we had at recovering. It changed the way he looked at me. It tainted everything he saw in me. I became, for him, the kind of person he never would have married in the first place...the kind of person who would try to trick someone into staying married.

We found MB much too late for us. I too ended up taking a polygraph. Maybe it finally gave him some peace of mind, I don't know...but in the end it wasn't enough for us. Taking a poly is NOT a magic bullet, but it is one thing that you can do to demonstrate just compensation to AI. If she decides to give you a chance after the poly, that is totally dependent upon her grace, grace that you - or any other wayward, myself included - do not deserve.

But let the poly verify the truth that you've told her - and that means make sure it is all out in the light before you take the poly. Lies are like a nest of cockroaches - they might remain hidden for a while, but one day you open up that cabinet under the sink and they all come spilling out into the light.

Thanks, wulffpack.
Your post means a lot.
I know I've done wrong, and of I had just come clean 7 weeks ago, we could be in a better place by now.
I'm going to take that poly, pass, and do my best.
Whatever happens after that happens.

I hate that I'm hurting AI like this.
I want to take her hurt away, but I've got to stab her once more.

1 more PA, making it 3.

I hate myself. I'm sorry I lied to her, and to all of you. The scope of this shame is like something I've never felt before. And I did worse to AI than I could possibly feel.

Wulffpack and indie, thank you for beating this one out of me with niceness and firm words.

And all of those who shared their pain on the thread detailing a BS's pain... thank you for helping me understand.

I do not want to hurt my wife any more.

Of all the threads I have read, I have never seen a WS try to gaslight THE FORUM in the manner you have. I am convinced you are a very, very selfish man who thinks the rules don't apply to you and you can do anything you want if you can get away with it.

You aren't sorry you lied to her. You don't care about hurting her. If any of that were true THIS TIME since you have said it multiple times before, you would have confessed these things before all this jibberish about how wonderful your wife was and how you were going to be God's greatest gift to reformed waywards.

You are sorry you got caught. You are sorry that AI is sticking to the poly like glue. You are probably sorry that we all came in to mess with your secret life like we did.

Good luck on that poly, it appears you will need it.

A reminder to posters to please watch the profanity. thank you.

Wow.
I'm not even going to argue with that.
Except that I know I have the most incredible woman right in front of me, right now. And no, she's not the woman I married. She's the victim I abused. And she's telling me we might have another chance, and thanked me for my honesty.

I'm lucky. I am. But I'm also an idiot who doesn't deserve to be chanced upon like this.

I gas lighted everyone, but the last person I did it to was myself. I actually told myself I could bury this last one. And you know what got me? AI told me she'd listen if I unloaded any more bombs.

I'm sure that there are worse than me out there. And I'm also sure that if I can channel all of this lying and manipulation into something good, something pure... well, maybe then I can be someone AI can be proud to call her husband.

The thought of her dying on the floor, the realization that she's not sleeping because of me, the weight I can see she's lost, the fact that I've only seen her eat once today, or that she's smoking as much as I am AFTER having quit for almost 6 years... I did this.

If I was her, I'd leave me. But she's giving me a chance to take this poly and offering me nothing else. and I'm okay with that.

This isn't about me anymore.
You all don't have to look at this woman staring off into the trees.
I do.
And all I want to do it hug the hell out of her.
To kiss her forehead while I hold her and tell her I will love her and only her. Forever.
And know that I don't deserve it.

But I'm going to anyways. Even if she pushes me away.
Somewhere inside, she wants me.
I'm going to find it and drag it out.
I love her.
I'm sorry I ever did anything to hurt her.
And I'm glad I got caught.

You demonstrate almost no understanding of the impact of what you have done.

If you want to have a clue, count the number of times you used the word "I" in your previous post(s). It has been all about you for years and continues to be "all about you" in your mind. Even now, your recent post is about damage control.

You are fortunate to have so many MB posters assisting you.

You're something else bud. I have nothing to offer you. Hopefully markos can pull your head out of your [censored], but I don't have a tractor or mule strong enough for this job.

This is incredible.

Nope, that's not what got you. What got you is the fact that you are just a couple of days away from a polygraph test, and you know she's not going to back down from it. That's what got you, and YOU know it.

You're still lying.

No. I'm UNfortunate for having so many MBers posting me.
They're posting to me cause I'm a massive screw up and abuser.
That doesn't make me fortunate.
They can't change me.
They don't exist past the Internet and this forum.
No.
Fortunate would be if AI moves forward with me.
Fortunate is the fact that I'm not living with my parents right now.
Fortunate is the fact that she's LETTING me try to help her.
Fortunate is the fact that she's helping me.
I'm fortunate that she let me hug her right after I posted that last piece.
I'm fortunate that she lets me touch her at all.

I'll never know the scope of her pain. I don't want to.
But I know the destruction I've caused.
Because I just heard her tell me, and actually listened.

This forum doesn't make me fortunate.
She does.

Go help her. Stop wasting your time with AO's directed at me.
I don't need your help or your admonishing.
She needs your help.
I know what I need to do.

Your wife is not the person with the problem. You are and it is obvious you are not ready to change anything yet.

AM

Look, at this point, this thread is just a killing field.
I'm going to keep posting here and keeping you updated as to what I'm doing, but if you've just come to throw stones, feel free.

My wife, though, could use your kind words and advice more.

There are a few of you that are offering great advice that I've very obviously ignored and refused. My wife is pulling all of this out of me by calmly sitting across from me on the back deck and reminding me that the truth will set HER free.

And yes, the poly is training an interrogation light right in my face while screaming at me in German. It's scary. And I'm taking it. Regardless of what happens.

Keep the vitriolic hatred coming. But please, go throw some goodness at AI to level out the playing field. I don't really care what you say at this point. I stopped listening to you when my wife told me she missed me about 15 minutes ago.

And yeah, I hope to hell Markos can help, too.

Ahhhh. A killing field just for you. As if you are the victim and not the perpertrator. You are not the person bloodied by the betrayal of the most important person in life.

The way out of the hole you are in (as a husband and as a man) is to NEVER tell another lie again. My husband told his last lie more than two years ago. He quit any attempts at a "secret second life". He now feels liberated and free being an honest man. And our marriage is getting better and better.

AM

You are dead on the money about that. But it's not us doing the killing. It's all on you. If you can't see that, then there is very little hope for your marriage.

Don't blame us for your adultery, lies, gaslighting and forsaking your wedding vows.

That's your cross to bear.

**edit**

quelle surprise


Since when?

You know TRT, when I first came here as a new WS the posts that stirred the anger within me the most were the ones that contained hard truths that I didn't want to face... Those posts and the members that took the time to write them to me were the ones I came to value the most -- I really needed to hear the brass tacks with no sugar coating -- no one here owed me their time or thoughts, but I sure am grateful that they saw fit to take a chance on me anyway -- Something for you to consider perhaps...

Mrs. W

TRT cut the Poor Poor Me stuff out right now. We are people here who want the best thing for your wife, and you.

In most of your posts, I see how YOU are feeling, how horrible it is for you to WATCH your wife. Most of us posting to you LIVED that betrayal.

How many more affairs are hidden in your closet? What else have you lied about that you think you can keep hidden from your wife? If you are lying, even a little bit, that Polygraph is gonna bury you, and it will be money wasted.

You need help more than your wife does right now because you are the cause of her pain. It would be like you were holding a gun, shooting your wife, and you were telling us to clean up her wounds, instead of removing the gun from your hands FIRST.

Let these posters, the ones who will stick around after your continued hiding of the truth, help you. They are here to help you help your wife. You have made a real mess of things, and right now, you need to stop going with your gut, and do what is PROVEN to save marriages.

BTW, you are a pretty big offender in the world of waywards. NEVER diminish what you have done. Are there worse out there? Certainly. But there are also many more examples of better. You are a run of the mill foggy wayward, but these posters can help you plow through that. Again, your choice.

Yep.
Not special.
Not unique.
Average.