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My suggestion for you is to volunteer your time to people with disabilities, homeless, the elderly ... go to a place you can humble yourself. You need to get out of yourself.
Interesting idea, but it's not marriage builders advice. It sounds like a bunch of distracting projects to stoke his ego and neglect his family. Wayward husbands love this kind of thing.
How about he get outside of himself by putting his wife and family first for a change?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!
Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010
My purpose is with my family. I won't be volunteering for anything, especially because it will allow me to fullfil others' emotional needs, and vice versa. That's dangerous ground for me, at the moment.
Undivided attention (outside of the scheduled time as well) and family commitment are more important than humbling myself with churches and the homeless. While I thoroughly feel for those less fortunate than I, it's not something I'm willing to risk if my family and relationship/marriage are at stake.
AI has also made me aware of a few books on boundaries and verbal abuse, and has asked that I read them as well as MB material. We've also decided that our "extra" money will be going towards saving for counseling with the coaching center.
Off to help build a fence and railing for our (soon to be safer) back deck! My son is stoked to do "man" stuff with his daddy.
A reminder to posters to help this poster find solutions using Marriage Builders concepts. Off topic posts have been moved to the Other Topics forum. Please keep off topic discussions on the OT forum.
Thank you for your post. I saw the original one, and completely understand. I would also like to send my condolences for your loss. It's a painful thing to go through. My condolences.
Thank you for your post. I saw the original one, and completely understand. I would also like to send my condolences for your loss. It's a painful thing to go through. My condolences.
And thank you for sharing your history with me.
Thank you and You're Welcome . . . Prayers continue for you and your precious W and Children...
"Now is the time for all good MB Veterans to come to the aid of their MB Rookies!"
Thanks again. Although I'm not a religious man in the least, giving those the authority to pray for us has always been an act I AM comfortable with.
So far, I haven't had any AOs, and nipped a bout of road rage before it started. And picked up a few books on verbal abuse and Anger management.
Not worry ~ ~ ~ I have a feeling that you and your sweet W are being covered in prayer right now by more saints than you can count! I still believe that you and Al have a wonderful opportunity to be another one of Dr H's "Success Stories"! As long as you continue to recognize your need for change... As long as Al is willing to be willing to hang in there with you! Your "actions" must trump your "words"! Blessings ~
"Now is the time for all good MB Veterans to come to the aid of their MB Rookies!"
Seems like all I can see was the struggle Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past Bound up in shackles of all my failures Wondering how long is this gonna last Then You look at this prisoner and say to me �son stop fighting a fight that�s already been won�
I am redeemed, You set me free So I�ll shake off theses heavy chains Wipe away every stain now I�m not who I used to be I am redeemed
All my life I have been called unworthy Named by the voice of my shame and regret But when I hear You whisper, �Child lift up your head� I remember oh God, You�re not done with me yet
I am redeemed, You set me free So I�ll shake off theses heavy chains Wipe away every stain now I�m not who I used to be I am redeemed
I don�t have to be the old man inside of me Cause his day is long dead and gone I�ve got a new name, a new life I�m not the same And a hope that will carry me home
I am redeemed, You set me free So I�ll shake off theses heavy chains Wipe away every stain now I�m not who I used to be I am redeemed, You set me free So I�ll shake off theses heavy chains Wipe away every stain now I�m not who I used to be I am redeemed Thank God redeemed
Last edited by LoveIsaChoice4Me; 06/23/1207:00 PM.
"Now is the time for all good MB Veterans to come to the aid of their MB Rookies!"
TRT - I hope when the next WH show up here trickle truthing his BW you will show up on his thread and hand him a bunch of 2x4's. I mean he's going to hate you, but they need it to stand a chance.
Thing are going alright. Hiccups here and there. I'll provide a better update later. At the lawyer's office nailing out the marital agreement right now.
Can anyone link me to a thread that has any examples of marital contracts or post-nuptial agreements and the conditions/provisions therein? Canadian Law is currently SCREWING AI out of pretty much everything based on its "equalization" policy, and I want to make sure she gets the protection she needs.
Canadian Laws state one thing, but if you both agree to certain things, you can have a agreement like that hashed out.
My mom had an affair, and when she left my dad, she signed over all of her rights to their house, and assets and took her debts with her. She has since moved home, but they haven't changed their arrangement. If she walks away, she gets nothing. If my dad chooses to end their marriage, my mom gets nothing.
Tell your lawyer what you wish to achieve and get it done.
At minimum, you could write up a separation agreement which you would not date, but sign, and hand it over to AI. Then, she will always have that insurance for the future.
The main objection that we both have is in relation to custody and access, which is not able to be negotiated within a marital contract where we live. It has to be within a custody agreement instead, and my understanding is that a custody agreement cannot be decided upon until separation.
Also, AI is concerned about limiting access if she so deems my state of mind to be unsafe, and to limit who I can and can't have around the kids, in the event of separation due to infidelity (ie: OW). Canadian Family Law does not allow someone to do something like this, thus, coupled with the equalization policy, renders our want to create a Marital Contract almost completely useless, and setting us back at square one.
In short, staying together will cost less, and give AI everything she wants for the children (in the event of my fidelity AND recovery/change re: my AOs and the such), and full access to any funds that come in.
So staying together and being in love is the best, most financially and security minded scenario.
As we've discussed, we can totally live with that. Lol.
The main objection that we both have is in relation to custody and access, which is not able to be negotiated within a marital contract where we live. It has to be within a custody agreement instead, and my understanding is that a custody agreement cannot be decided upon until separation.
Also, AI is concerned about limiting access if she so deems my state of mind to be unsafe, and to limit who I can and can't have around the kids, in the event of separation due to infidelity (ie: OW). Canadian Family Law does not allow someone to do something like this, thus, coupled with the equalization policy, renders our want to create a Marital Contract almost completely useless, and setting us back at square one.
In short, staying together will cost less, and give AI everything she wants for the children (in the event of my fidelity AND recovery/change re: my AOs and the such), and full access to any funds that come in.
So staying together and being in love is the best, most financially and security minded scenario.
As we've discussed, we can totally live with that. Lol.
Where is Al? How is she doing right now? I would like to hear from her on her thread... Please tell her that I send my biggest hugs...
"Now is the time for all good MB Veterans to come to the aid of their MB Rookies!"
Just so you know, therightthing, the status of post-nuptials is very murky in Cdn family law. After you get married without a prenup, there is no guarantee that any agreement you sign will be honoured by a court if the unhappy spouse contests and argues oppression or undue influence for example. Ultimately AI is dependent on your good will.
As for custody and access, those are decided according to the best interest of the child. A parent is always free to contest a prior arrangement once the relationship actually breaks down, and that arrangement will count for little.
It's important that you both have a realistic view of what is possible here. You may be able to sign a contract of some kind, but make sure it is enforceable.
