I just don't know what my plan is anymore.

How about Plan B until she gets her alcoholism under control?

Please listen to this clip.
Radio clip on alcoholic

You put your tippy toe in the water but did not go far enough. Staying with her mom and asking a falling down drunk to make "serious choices" is insane. What if she makes a "serious choice" to continue her affair and stay drunk? You need to give her CONDITIONS. Here are the conditions you give her:

1. do not ever drink again
2. enter a program of recovery for alcoholics [if it is AA, then she should only go to female only meetings and have a female sponsor]
3. never set foot in a bar again
4. affair proof the marriage

Asking a falling down drunk to "make decisions" is crazy. You need to lead your falling down drunk out of the ditch and meaningless language will not achieve that goal.

Be SPECIFIC and be FIRM.

At this point, my wife has been gone for 24 hours. And counting. She drank last night and did not want to drive home. I know she's at her boyfriend's house who has never met our 2 boys. I have things to do. Work-wise and others today. Do I go over and knock on his door and drop off the boys and start forcing some responsibility on their shallow, non-reality based relationship? Or do I find someone else (Hard at this point on such short notice) to watch my boys while I go to work?

At this point, my wife has been gone for 24 hours. And counting. She drank last night and did not want to drive home. I know she's at her boyfriend's house who has never met our 2 boys. I have things to do. Work-wise and others today. Do I go over and knock on his door and drop off the boys and start forcing some responsibility on their shallow, non-reality based relationship? Or do I find someone else (Hard at this point on such short notice) to watch my boys while I go to work?

My wife cheated on me. Twice. What do i do now? I love her deeply still.
My wife and I have been together for 11 years. Married since 2006. We have 2 boys, 5 and 3 1/2 years old. We have also had 2 other pregnancies that were terminated early in our relationship. My wife had a abusive, (Verbally and physically) alcoholic father growing up and had a rough childhood. She was also raped by a family member at 11 years old.

We have mountains of bills, pressures from work and the craziness of 2 boys. My wife has a problem with drinking. She currently has her license revoked for a drunken DUI crash that could have very well killed her. Upon much discussion, she has recently started bartending again, something she is exceptional at. The first guy was supposedly a one time deal and alcohol was involved. (I caught her, she didn't fess up to the affair) We went to some counseling sessions and seemed to work. That's where the rape issue surfaced. Abruptly the sessions stopped. This second BOY is 8 years her junior, a cop and frequents her bar. Again, I caught her. She admits to having full sex with him twice. The thing that is disturbing is that this time, she says she has feelings for him. She claims that he fusses over her and appreciates all the things I "hate" about her.
I will die for this woman. SHe means everything to me. She is willing to go back to the original counselor but I'm afraid it's only to figure out a way to justify getting rid of me. She says otherwise, but I'm scared. can't sleep. No appetite. Sick
SInce this devastating event happened, she has agreed to go back to our original therapist. I fully believe our busy work lives, lack of seeing each other and her alcohol problem have led to these events. Working at bars will stop once summer is over, there's an internship that's starting that will be very time consuming. Interestingly enough, my wife is in school for addictions counseling for adolescents. The internship will be with juvenile detention center kids. What scares me about the counseling is that she says she needs to go to "figure things out." She maintains she loves me still but I fear that she may be going to counseling this time to cut ties. I hope the therapist will see the glaring alcohol problem and begin the steps to recovery. I appreciate all the fantastic advice, but right now I truly believe that I can move on from this and have told her time and time again that once her career is firmly in place, our lives will be more in synch and far less hectic. I'm in a bad place, but not willing to give up yet, just very, very scared.

I've been reading up on the relationships between depression, alcoholism and infidelity and I'm coming to the conclusion that's what's going on here. If that's true, she needs my help more than anything. Two of these are diseases. I wouldn't walk away from our marriage if she were say, a diabetic or had cancer. The big issue here is that she needs to cold-turkey cut this clown from her life to focus on us and at least give it a shot. Which she has said she's willing to do. He's a giant monkey wrench in the plans to move forward.

At this point, my wife has been gone for 24 hours. And counting. She drank last night and did not want to drive home. I know she's at her boyfriend's house who has never met our 2 boys. I have things to do. Work-wise and others today. Do I go over and knock on his door and drop off the boys and start forcing some responsibility on their shallow, non-reality based relationship? Or do I find someone else (Hard at this point on such short notice) to watch my boys while I go to work?

Step 1 of the 12 Steps is admitting that you have no control. Dropping your kids off with these drunks will not magically turn them into responsible people.