Your situation is not unique. Sharing details will not identify you. You will likely find that others have been through exactly the same thing. And I am presuming that you have not directed your wife to this board, and are smart enough NOT to direct your wife to this board for now, so there is little change that she will be here to read it.

What information are you holding back from us?

It sounds like she felt neglected. You can learn through this program to start giving her the care she needs in order to not neglect her.

BUT,

If she was *that* in love with you, and then noticed the different feeling, it is almost certain that she noticed the change because there was someone else, a new point of comparison.

I would keep track of everything you remember about her complaints. These are the things you can offer to change to win her back. BUT, all the changes in the world will not make a difference if she is engaged in an affair.

I am concerned that you are distracting yourself with make-busy work instead of finding out if there is an affair. If there is an affair, you cannot meet her needs anyway. You have to kill the affair FIRST.

Are you focusing on finding out if there is an affair?

1. Actually no, its the other way, she likely felt smothered by me, overworked, disappointed from somewhat stagnate financial growth, exhausted from Homeschooling. Secular pontificators who say no such thing as sex addiction point to the fact that its common response to stressors such as work stressors. If its escapism then may not be a diagnosable mental illness or mental disorder. I increased in past 4-5 years out of escapism. Besides the joy of children it was the one great thing in life that I loved, looked forward too and received "-A" satisfaction. 2. EA maybe. Satan provided her with many examples of women gaining their "freedom" and stopping their lifelong "abusive" marriage by separating. And its unlikely their was a hook-up but their was a steady steam of broken hearted men, for her to be exposed to. 3. Oh, I am. I replay the tapes everynight, I have memorialized some of them and plan to document as many as I can, for catharsis and learning.

I started implementing carrot portion of Plan A even before MB time. 4. Efforts are being made, the truth will not be hidden.

1 Selfish Demands
2 Disrespectful Judgments
3 Angry Outbursts
4 Annoying Habits
5.Independent Behavior
6. Dishonesty

1. No more explicit demands since S-Day
2. Is "separation is from Satan" a disrespectful judgment?
3. No more explicit demands since 2 days prior to S-Day
4. Get back with you on that
5. Get back with you on that
6. Non since 1 month post S-day

Notafeeling, more importantly, what are you doing to find out if there is an affair? Al of your efforts will be in vain if there's an affair in the woodpile. The longer it goes hidden, the harder to save your marriage.

So what are you doing on that front?

I have determined and confirmed that their is no affair, so far.

The powers that be on this website basically say, (and I agree with)their conclusion is that she is in an affair and/or in withdrawal. They say the next state above would be "state of conflict" and that would be a better position. They suggest I say, "I am willing to go to great lengths to eliminate the problems that you saw in me." The other advice they give is truthful, very perceptive yet they say this is a very tough case.

I am giving her 3 days to return me to the marital home and decide if she wants to be married. After that I am filing for divorce on the grounds of abandonment, cruelty, and adultery. I have been faithful to my wife our entire marriage. This evil separation has caused me great mental distress the likes of which I have never experienced before. I have to take sleeping pill just to get to sleep every night. I have tried to survive this separation but it is too painful to live each day in loniliness, limbo, fear, uncertainty, and doubt. Satan won this battle.

Has she talked or seen the kids during this time? Are you documenting all of this?

MelodyLane asked what you did, and you didn't answer. You just told her what your conclusions were.

HOW did you determine there was no affair? What information did you gather, and how did you get it?

She forced me out of the home with a restraining order. And as far as Melody lanes question I can't respond to that in this public manner. I would be happy to email you and I have laid out all the facts in a couple of email's to Dr. Harley. I am trying to be wise as serpents here. Thanks for any ideas to help. Where are the women on this board that have done this and then repented and returned to their marriage? I would love to hear from them what was their state of mind(emotion not logic?) and why and when did it change?

I promise you that this won't help.

Understanding Dr. Harley's concepts and plans will help.

Finding out the truth about your wife's situation will help.

Sharing it with us instead of keeping it secret will help us help you.

But this question you are asking will not help.


I promise you that this question will not help.

On October 18, I suggested you listen to Dr. Harley's radio show every day, like a "class":


There have been at least six Marriage Builders radio shows since then. Did you listen to them all? Are you listening every day?

You are going to have to get motivated to learn these concepts and plans and use them to save your family.

I listened to the two that were about me.

The last radio program about me suggested the way for the couple to adjust to their different sex drives or ideas about what sexual and how much sexual interaction is normal or acceptable is to get help from a sex therapist. I can see that. I send a note on that and see if she has any response.

How have you showed her that you love her?
I have been reading your thread and so far I see that you provide financially and....? She provides the domestic support and takes care of the kids and provides you SF and then when she stops, because guess what, Women don't often want to have sex with people that they don't feel in love with, then you put pressure on her to have sex anyway?
And then you seem to be saying if dhe doesn't come back now, you will just go find another woman. Not try to fix wyour family, or figure out how you contributed, but just move on.
I have no idea if she is having an affair, but she must be starved for someone to be interested in her.

I have always been interested in her how she is doing what she likes. If she has a complaint its smothering not neglect. Does that answer your question? I'm tired I am trying to do the best I can to respond to you. SF = Sexual Favors? She is doing me a favor?

SF=Sexual Fulfillment

Here The Most Important Emotional Needs

I promise you that this won't help.


Uh um well gee, their are NONE.