Why don't you forward it to his soon to be wife?

Also you're making more excuses to keep the drama in your life. That is just an excuse that you will have to see him because he's the cousin of your niece's husband. We've had BW who never seen their own sister again because their WH had an affair with their own sister.

Wouldn't you want to know if your fiance was sending these texts to another woman?

He will never change and either will you if you continue this, but you already know all this. You think he respects you when you ask him not to contact you and he does anyway?

I agree.
Send it to his fianc�e.
You have 3 choices:

Choice 1: Tell him you are willing to date him if he agrees to read buyers renters freeloaders book. That would be an introduction to MB. Obviously he would be responsible for canceling his wedding.

Choice 2: enter plan B and have no contact with him.

Choice 3: stay in contact and enable an eventual emotional or physical affair.

If I showed her the emails, text messages, she would tell him and I would pay dearly. You know how you tell your spouse things about yourself that you wouldn't want others to know. He knows things about me that would devastate me and my family if he told them and I can guarantee you that he would tell them. In fact he did tell something on me while we were separated and in a period of bitter fighting. I am that scared of him. He is a get even kind of guy.
Choice 1 isn't a choice. I would lose my daughter if I started dating him.
I want to move past this and have no contact and move on to a better life. I've said before that he isn't the only one with issues. I have my share.

You give this man too much power.

Everyone makes mistakes. Couldn't you explain this to your family?

Can you move away from him?

There are things from my past that I don't want them to know. I am not now who I was as a teenager and I would prefer not to be judged by who I was, but by who I am. He used those things against me to get his way during our marriage.
He's a Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde.
She's seeing the good side right now, but she will come to know the evil twin sooner or later. He has not changed and that is helping me cope with all this. He hasn't changed or he wouldn't be saying the things to me that he has been saying.
This whole situation has been very strange. The sad part is that she has no clue about the dark side of him. And, she has two small kids that she's bringing into this. By the time she realizes that he's not all that he has portrayed, she will be in it up to her neck. But, she would not hear this from me even if I had the courage to tell her. She would tell him and he would make up a story to cover it all and explain it all away. I could write a book on the fantastic elaborate lies he told to cover up things he did.
I can't move far enough away. I could move to another part of town, but he's all over with his business. Actually we seldom run into each other even living as close as we do.
I just want my emotions to be over. I want to get him out of my heart. My head knows that truth. My heart still hurts.

You are nothing more then an accomplish in destroying kids lives. Can you live with that? Is what you've done in the pastnworth ruining kids?

Regardless, you need to come clean with your family. Leading a deceitful life will always spiral down, and they likely already know. Or have an inkling.

Come clean to your family, forward the emails and text messages to the fianc� and completely close the door on him.

Stop whining, complaining and playing the victim. Start driving the bus of life.

Pineneedle,
You may be right, but I don't consider myself an accomplice in this. There are certainly enough people that are currently in his life and hers that know of his past behavior that could tell her what he has done, but I guess choose not to. The list includes his daughter, his son, his brother, his sister-in-law, his best friend.
If I do it he WILL find a way to turn it around on me and make me look like I gained access to his email account and I emailed myself with the emails or that I texted myself by going through the online way of sending a text. He is a crafty one and she would believe him. The others aren't going to speak up because they work for him. Tick him off, no job.
Leading a deceitful life?? No. Just choose to leave the past in the past. I've always heard Dr. Laura say that before you divulge information of that kind to your family, you need to ask yourself what the purpose is and if there is value in putting that burden on others. If the answer is no, you need to leave it alone. Most of what I choose to keep quiet is stuff I brought on myself and has no bearing on me at this stage of my life. It's just stuff that you wouldn't necessarily want others to know. It's not prison sentence kind of stuff, just stupid kid stuff that you don't want the world to know.
If we all followed your last advice there probably wouldn't be many folks that post here. Mind you, all posts aren't folks complaining and saying "woe is me". They aren't by a long shot. But, it is comforting to have a group of folks you can open up to anonymously and be able to get advice and feedback from.
If we all had the answers and worked through our issues efficiently and effectively MB might not exist.
Bottom line - I hear what you're saying and I can synopsize it by saying that I should not simply shut the door, but should clean it out and make it simply another empty room in my life. I need to deal with the emotions and I should never have any contact with him. I should be grateful that he is no longer MY problem. That I can agree with.

Dr.Laura is not a good direction to listen to.

Her own past is a mess. Google and wikipedia her.

Dr. Harley who created the Marriage Builders site is more logical, methodical and ethically based.

Well there doesn't need to be a contest between the morality of how Dr Laura or Dr Harley have lived their lives.
Neither of them are holy people and they have both sinned.

It seems to me that you are makin this more complicated then it needs to be.
Just for illustrative purposes, let assume the concern was that he would tell people about a sexual act you engaged in or a crime you commited.
Something that would change people's opinions of you for the rest of your life.
Battered women have similar fears.

The fact is, you are trying to control his actions by appeasing him so he will keep this a secret. By doing so, this fear of his actions terrifies you and causes emotional and probably physical stress.
I would be concerned that if you attempt a Plan B he will simply blackmail you. Or become vengeful because he is so accustomed to controlling and manipulating you that he tells others the secret anyway.

So what can YOU do?

YOU cannot control HIS actions. You can only control your behavior.

We are all human. We dress and speak to impress others but we all have done things we are ashamed of and prefer to keep secret.

I suggest that you email the Radio Show because Dr Harley has treated 50,000 patients (literally) and he can offer real advice on how you can act.
When you email him, I suggest you tell him:

History of your marriage and divorce.
History post divorce.
And the SPECIFIC secret you are afraid he will disclose through his emotional blackmail and manipulation.

Dr Laura had several affairs, of course she wants to leave the past buried. That is a no brainier.

But your past is not behind you, as you said it could be used as leverage. You take away the leverage by coming clean, and truly repent. You are still living a life of lies and it inhibits your relationships.

And what do you care if he says you send the emails to yourself. That is their problem, not yours. If you didn't do it, then there is no proof and you can slide it of your back.

Just because others do nothing, doesn't mean you should do nothing.

I've seen a lot of posts here about BPD and other personality disorders. I'm curious..........
My XH used to threaten suicide to manipulate me. He did it over and over again. The first time resulted in a police report. The rest of them he was more quiet about and did it only to me to horrify me and try to make me come back. Before we separated he staged a fake suicide. Squirted ketchup on plastic wrap placed over his chest, gun in hand, lying back in chair as though dead.
He also was big on appearances. He did not like it when I would make facial expressions that someone could construe as me being angry with him. So, if in public he told me something astonishing I had to act like he had told me nothing at all or he would get mad.
He would often make us wait for 45 minutes or so while he talked to someone after church was over. If I asked him if he was ready to go or if I told him we were ready, he would make us wait longer.
One of 7 kids - alcoholic father, mutiple affairs by father. All 7 kids have been marrie and divorced at least twice except two, one of whom never married and has some mental issues. Two of them have been married and divorced multiple times with multiple kids. This will be my XH's 4th marriage.
Regarding the upcoming marriage, he told his cousin over the weekend that he is supposed to get married this Saturday but that he has doubts as he is still in love with me.

Someone with knowledge of such - is this just someone who is manipulative or is there an underlying issue?

Just curious.

Dr Harley has said on the radio that BPD will have self mutilation or attempted suicide. Not ketchup. More like cut wrists in a bathtub

My ex wife's boyfriend is crazy. He attempted suicide when I confronted my wife about her emotional affair with him and she started to pull away. He called her, said he was killing himself and goodbye.
The Sheriff found him and arrested him. He was placed in a psychiatric hospital for more than a week.

Are there underlying issues with your husband?
I am convinced that the disease of alcoholism is responsible for most of these behaviors.

Not sure what you mean by underlying issues.
To my knowledge he has never actually done anything that would be considered attempted suicide, i.e. slit wrists.

He just threatened it NUMEROUS times. He would go riding in the country and take guns with him and make sure I knew he had them and would call or text and say that he was going to end it all and give me what I asked for - him out of my life, etc.

He would do this primarily whenever I wasn't doing what he wanted me to do. He would call and play part of a song and leave it on my voicemail. I knew what it meant.

Maybe it was just psychological manipulation as opposed to some type of behavioral disorder. I don't know. I just know that it hurt deeply.

Since you are divorced I think you should just email the Radio show for advice on what to do, as I previously suggested.
Does he also manipulate his other ex wife's?

Just gaslighting, most of us have seen that type of behaviour in our waywards. Nothing to understand, just rubbish.

Living_Well,
I've often thought the same thing: he did it as effective manipulation. When he "threatened" suicide - texts, notes, voicemails, comments on the phone - it worked. The first few times he did it I was absolutely terrified, thinking he was serious. I finally realized it was one more weapon to be used to manipulate me.

I do wonder though about some of the stuff he did and whether there were issues there. A lot of us live through things in our younger years that shape who we will become as adults. I am certainly no exception. I know that he had family members that were serial cheaters and those that went from one marriage to another. When I first met him I used to say that he must have been adopted because he did not act like he came from that family. The more we were together and the more I learned, I revised that belief! It's really sad the twisted things that happen that shape who we will become as adults.

Interestingly, Dr Harleys family also had a culture of adultery in it.
He discusses this often in his Radio Show

And so it is possible to break the cycle or perpetuate the cycle.

Why don't you stop this cycle by stopping to wonder about him? You are a big part of the drama, you are keeping yourself in.

Why do you care any longer about his state of mind? It is none of your business.

Maybe you don't like my posts because they are hitting a nerve, better to soul search that aspect then wondering about something that is no longer your business.