So if the police tell you that someone stole your car, the POLICE are hurting you? Wouldn't you agree that the car thief is the one who hurt you and the police are merely giving you vital facts about your own life?

You simply tell the man the truth.

That is very, very confusing and he won't GET it. And if you send him an email, she can intercept it. OW are very devious and i bet she watches his email and facebook like a hawk.

I would change the letter to this:

"My name is Sally Smith and I have been wanting to tell you this for months, but I did not know how to do it without causing you pain. I realize now that saving you from that pain, is not honest either. You deserve to know that our spouses had a sexual affair with each other. My husband admitted they had an affair and were physical. When I contacted your wife she told me they had sex one time during the affair. It may have been more."

Tell it like that. Don't say it was a "one time affair" because that is not true. They HAD SEX one time.

I would call him or go to his house and tell him.

GOI,

My wife had a 3 year affair. The OMW found out a year before I did. In that year, the affair went from an emotional affair to a 2 time physical affair. The sex happened right under her nose ( their town ) and I knew nothing. It wasn't until I discovered evidence that the two of us communicated. Oh the pain she could have saved us both if she had just exsposed the affair. But that isn't the whole story, you see, she spoke to my WW. OMW asked my WW to stop. My WW begged her not to call me. My WW hid me on FB from her. OMW gave in and threatened she would call me if they ever spoke again. HA! Waywards will say or do anything to stop exposure.

You must expose. It is your only weapon to stop this cycle. This small town you're living in, does it promote affairs? My guess is it does not. You will be surprised at the support you receive and the distain the OW will receive. Other women in the town need to know who to watch out against, men need to know others will not sit idolly by and have their families threatened...As a former WWH, please tell him. He will thank you for protecting his family.

My next suggestion, MOVE. There are small towns everywhere. Sell the house, move and start over. Others will be here to tell you that moving saved their marriage.

ironically, I have been trying to convince my husband that we should move for more reasons than her, but he is loving his job and I want to support him with that. I want to move somewhere with better schools and more opportunity for our children. But he isn't having it. His excuse is that it is too expensive to move...

His tone may change when you expose. I doubt his job in your small town is what is keeping him there.

Does he work with the OW?

And I agree you should move. I would make that non-negotiable. If you live in a small town he can hook with that skank anytime? He can find another job in a new town.

Exactly. Can you remove your Daughter from that school ASAP?

She was working in the same place, but left because of "everything" with him (i read that text too) this was after I found out about the messages but had my head in the sand about what was really happening. and believe me, I am scared to death that he has someone else and that is why he doesn't want to move. Our daughter goes to Head Start. It is the only one in the valley. I would like to move to the next town, so I at least don't have to see her at the kids' bus stop, but he would still be close to her.

I'm feeling so smart. Thanks Melody and BH.

GOI, read and keep posting. Let us know how the exposure goes.

You think he may have another OW? Have you asked him about this?

You said you only have one phone, put spyware on it. Go to the cell phone store and have them print you the text and call records for the past 3 or 4 months. Investigate.

trac phone won't keep records... I am sending the message and we will see what happens. I guess that I am just worried that he has someone else bc he is always working. If he is having sex with me nearly everyday would he still want someone else?

My understanding is that some WS still regularly or even increase sex with BS, some WS decrease or stop having sex with BS. There are some cases where WS clings to the edge of the bed ... don't want to betray their AP

Here's another thought. Change phones.
Does your Trac Phone have a contract? Can it block numbers?
Tell your carrier you want a detailed list if numbers in and out. Eliminate texting from your plan. Who would either of you need to text?

Stay positive. It will get better and you will get stronger. Right now you've been sucker punched. Stand back up, and fight back.

As far as sex. My WW had SF with me way more before I discovered. It was her way of throwing me off the path.

Before when i caught him, we were having 0 sex, but that was bc I had just had a baby... That was another reason it was so hurtful. He told me he needed sex and that she was available when i wasn't. it just feels like he comes home already horny and it is a bit troublesome, but I want to make him happy.

His reasoning is BS wayward fog.
GOI, do us all a favor and create a signature. See mine and others as examples.

How old are you two? How many years married, children, when was your D-Day? Stay on this forum and others will be here to encourage you. I know what you are feeling, and exposure will help.

Did you expose?

You're not hearing me, Gettingoverit.

If it's such a small a town where there'll always be contact, then you guys need to find yourselves another town.

He's feeding you a bucket o' bull. He wants to talk "expensive"? What'll be expensive is for the two of you to support 2 separate residences, plus a stack of family-lawyer bills for 2 separate lawyers (one for you, one for him), on your current incomes (instead of one residence & no lawyer bills). Because if he doesn't man up and get your family into a no-contact situation, then your marriage is likely to break up. Do the math.

Yes you do. You have his admission and her admission.


Did you read my post about calling him or going to see him?