Yea the book is ordered, I'm waiting for it to still come..so not up on Plan A or Plan B yet

Also, when i move back in, do i put all my clothing, bedroom stuff in the spare room and sleep in there, or do i put everything back in our room as it was before and tell her I'm not sleeping in the spare room

You sleep
In the marital bed.

Oh there's another thing you should consider doing.
Get a recorder and hide it on you. Record all conversations to protect yourself. Sometimes women make false accusations.

Move right back into YOUR marital bed.

Read this.
Men, Do Not Leave Your Home

I really appreciate this help from ALL of you. I do want to throw out that she had been taking medicine for bi-polar years ago and slowly weened herself off of them due to them making her sleep all day long. She was better for years after not being on them, but she has went back a couple weeks ago after I asked her to please go and get re-evaluated to the psychologist and she insisted that I don't go with her. She was only in the office for 20 min, I have never been to one with anyone, but 20 minutes just seems like a very short time for someone to evaluate a patient about phychological issues or chemical imbalances. I know she went, but whether she was honest with the guy I couldn't say.
Continue on from my previous posts if she comes home with all my items in OUR room, as well as all the kitchen/living room items back in their place and she insists that I leave, or insist that I not sleep in OUR bed, I know she will be extremely pissed when she finds out I'm home again, what are some of the things I should say to her while she is pissed? And if she says she is going to go stay at someplace else, I just need to say OK see you later correct?

You need to say "I am willing to work with you to create a healthy loving marriage where both of our needs are met but first you must end your affair"

When she responds with "I dont love you any more " you ask "would you like a cup of coffee?"

When she says "it's not working out between us and we need to move on" you say "I am willing to work with you to create a loving healthy marriage where both of our needs are met but you must first end your affair"

When she asks. Why aren't you being realistic? We are done.
You answer by repeating the same sentence.

When she asks about a movie, then you talk about a movie.
When she asks about politics or religion or anything other than relationship talk, you talk and LISTEN to her! Share your views in a respectful manner and be respectful of HER opinions.

Conversation is a top emotional need for women so always be wiling to talk (except about her affair or divorce)

Did you move back in yet?

I moved the majority of the stuff back in, still in boxes but i have till Friday or Saturday to put it all away. I didnt move any of my sons items back, or any garage items.
I try talking and being interested in her conversation, but its always me doing the talking, she just responds to me, otherwise there'd be silence. I try getting her to talk about work related stuff or just daily stuff, but its always short answers, when i try and ask more details she gets aggravated and says i dont wanna talk about it

good first step. get unpacked, and make sure everything is nice and tidy for when she gets home. maybe even have something nice for her when she gets back to say welcome home, fresh flowers or something. Then follow JK's excellent advice on how to speak with a Wayward.

Ah, yes. The Silence Technique. Don't let this upset or derail your efforts. She's ticked off at you for interfering with her plans and is using this unhealthy way of letting you know this. The two of you can work on your communications techniques after she's on board with MB concepts.

Keep doing what you're doing (except I would suggest that you unpack everything and put it back where it belongs in YOUR house - you're in for the duration, friend. Get rid of those boxes.)

there is absolutely nothing other then him and her talking or textin That is what she told myself and our marriage counselor and he listens to her and listens to what she says and doesn't talk back to her or call her any names, or doesnt say just get rid of him(me) there are other guys 1000 times better. She says she's not attracted to him and he dont hit on her, weather that is true or not I do not know because she says your conversations are personal and nobody can look at them but her. So if I say something about ending the affairs with him I'm sure she won't think she's having 1 with him and she wouldn't consider that having an affair. And as far as asking her would you like a cup of water after she starts going off on me, but if I ask again she would honestly say are you listening to what the F I am saying i already told u no.... That's happened quite a bit lately

I have read back a few times, but just to make sure.

You have been married for 1 1/2 years, no children together. Is this correct?

If not, sorry I have missed something. If it is not correct, could you concisely explain.

Just trying to get a handle on it.

If she's not attracted to him and he isn't 'hitting' on her, and their texting bothers you, she shouldn't have a problem with cutting him out of her life. Have you mentioned this to her?

Maritalbliss- that is correct, we have been together for 10 years, all living together, we have been married for the past 1 1/2 years, have no children together, but I have a 13 yr old son from a former girlfriend who lives with us full time.
I have brought up the texting numerous times, even to our marriage councilor, and he doesn't really seem to comment back other then saying he's someone she can open up to. I have asked her numerous upon numerous times to please stop, and she admitted if it was 6 or 7 months ago and I was the one doing the texting another female, she would be totally P'ed off, so I said well how do you think I feel, that's me RIGHT NOW, yet she constantly says she want's to respect me and doesn't want to hurt me, and feels really bad she's putting me thru this. I respond your totally disrespecting me by not stoping the texting. Maybe I should stop snooping online at her cell phone bill, but she will do this EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, she'll call, talk for 5 or 6 minutes, say I'm totally exhausted I'm going right to bed, and then hang up with me and start texting him for another hour or more every night. Every morning when she gets up at 4:50am for work, it's an immediately text and they go back and forth till 5:30 when her work starts, then numerous times throughtout the work day. All 3 of us use to work together at the same department store before he transfered to another state for the same deartment store. I got into contact with him a week ago, asked him politely to please stop texting my wife, he said they only talk about work stuff, his schooling, her schooling, etc. I said well it doesn't matter, your coming between my marriage and I am asking you to please stop, my wife says you respect me and our marriage, then if you really respect me like she says you do, then you will stop. His response was I will talk to her about it, if she want's to stop then I'll stop, I said can't you be the bigger person and stop for yourself, not need someone's permission, he never replied. So I took that as a big F-U to me, so I got into contact with not his store manager, but his District Manager saying who he was, and that he is constantly texting my wife at work all hours of the day, even when you guys are paying him to work (my wife still works part-time for the same dept store) he's a manager of a dept, he know's there aren't suppose to be cell phones on the floor, yet he's texting my wife on company time, not to mention he allowed a female of the same company to come stay at his house. The District Manager said he would get right on this. A few day's goes by and my wife said so you called and ratted on _____, I said well I gave him every opportunity to stop, and he totally disrespected me and ignored my request, she said well you are putting people's jobs on the line by doing this, and right now I'm very upset with you, I said I'm not doing anything other then trying to keep my marriage alive without someone else interfering, I then said trust me I was nice about it, I could have taken it alot farther then I did, I went on saying not to mention, not too many guys would even do this, they would go up there and want to beat the guy up, she just said well I gotta go and hung up.

So I have everything put back in our bedroom the way it was before i left, what do I do when she comes home and insist that I do not stay in our room because she bought this bed, do I say this is OUR bed and I am sleeping in it, if you wish to sleep in it also that is your choice,

I understand Jedi_Knight and what you said about what to say to her, but lately it's been about HER and what's best for her so she can figure out what she want's in life. So she already filed, no papers have been served yet, she say's she don't wanna be married, and has checked out of the marriage as well as the councilor said she checked out a while ago, she already told me last time I asked her to please stop with this text messaging the other guy that she can do what she want's.
I guess maybe when the book comes in the mail tomorrow, it will help me with prepairing for her return later this week, but in the mean time I have numerous different things running in my head as to how this is all going to play out when she see's I moved back in, not to mention back into OUR room, not the spare room.
I am trying to retain all this wonderful information you ALL are offering, but is there a point where I say for the last month you have controlled when you feel like talking to me, or seeing me, or hanging out with me. You get last minute text or calls asking if you wanna go out with one of your other friends and you do it, I ask you a day or even a week in advance and you say I have to think about it, you can call me when you feel like it and you know I will answer and talk to you, you on the other hand may call once a day and just pretty much sit on the phone as if you have nothing to talk to me about, yet can text other's for hours upon hours throughout the day...I guess what I'm saying is, is there a point where I tell her how I feel, being she went to Texas for a week to think about things she say's and don't wanna be bothered (another control thing). She said last night when she finally called at 10:30pm she said she was doing homework from 9pm till 10:30pm which she may have been, but I just said I figured you would have called a little sooner seeing I had to get up at 04:00am for work and I didn't want to call you, she said well you did call twice today, I said yea, only to see where you guys were along your 12 hour trip to make sure you didn't have any issues, but you only chatted with me for about 1 minute both times then said you had to go. So maybe this whole week while she is goine I should not anseer her calls or texts? That way she is wondering what I am doing, or will this only make matters worse?

It is just like right now, i checked the cell phone bill, it shows her texting him from 7pm constantly back and forth until 12:00 midnight this morning. When she called me at 10:30 last night she said she did her homework, took a shower and called me so late because she was doing homework then was extremely tired and heading right to bed. She talked to him for another 1 1/2 hours so she couldn't be that tired, not to mention she supposedly had 2 chapters to read, how u supposed to read when your nose deep in your phone? Is this stuff i should call her out on, or just let it slide?

She obviously doesn't know your looking at the phone bill print it out and save that as evidence. Have you exposed this affair to her family and friends, your family and friends and the OM friends, family and work? I see you called the DM and it didn't stop you need to go one level higher and expose to the people below. I would continue to snoop and keep the records for exposure. Don't tell her about it either.

Ok get this straight:

The fact that she is in an affair is established. We know what she is doing, you don't have to tell us. What you need to focus on now is:

What do you want to do?

If it is to try to recover the marriage, then you have to start taking action, start taking control, quit running from making her angry. You cannot control anything she does, only what you do. To have a shot you need to first and foremost, before anything else even matters is

KILL THE AFFAIR.

If you don't do this, then, I have nothing else to offer you.

So, go home, get copies of the phone bills, anything else you can. Expose to whoever matters to her and the OM (other man). Family, your son, at work. Stress it as much as possible. You have to do it fast, hard, and all at once, give it a deathblow in one shot if possible. Then and only then will anything else matter.

She will likely be as furious as you could ever imagine when she finds you back home. But, it will be worse when you expose. Expect it, embrace it. It means that you are interfering in her fantasy.

Once you do this, then you can maybe act on the rest of it. I say maybe, because I am going to be honest with you. I don't know how much draw a short marriage after years of indifference to it and a stepson will have. She may leave, I would kind of expect it to be honest. If you make it hard enough on OM, as in he loses his job or might lose it, then he may be out of the picture, maybe not. But, this needs to happen. Things are not going to change unless you change them. Unless you are too scared and want them to stay the same. Is that what you want to sign up for?

You need to be home and to stop the crap that is going on. The you can allow her to return and work together to fix it. Don't look at it as if she is gracing you with a chance to stay, because that is not correct. It is up to you and you lead it. You can't make her come along, but you can make it attractive to her.

As it is now, your wife is lying to you, absorbed in herself and her fantasy. That is how waywards are.

Don't worry that if you do this stuff you will lose her. That has already happened. You need to quit letting it happen in secret.

And, ditch the counselor. Cant you see that he/she is a crock and is counterproductive, just enabling and justifying her affair.