Let me start by saying this is not my first time posting about related events on forums. This may get long. It is mostly a way to vent, as I have no one else to tell these things to. Every time I Do post about it, everyone basically ends up telling me to leave. But it�s not so easy as it sounds. I�m a stay at home mom(to a one year old boy)/full time student. There is no way for me to be working right now. I cannot financially support myself. Money is tight enough as it is.
I�ve been passive aggressive about it for months. I unconsciously give the cold shoulder. He knows I�m not happy. He just chalks it all up to me being an ungrateful [censored], actually. I don�t show affection often. I can�t after all I�ve been through. The emotional turmoil, all the pain. Oh my god the heart ache. It�s so bad that I�ve been battling a slight eating disorder. I just can�t eat. I go to sleep at 5 a.m. I�m never tired, I just sleep because I know that�s what I�m supposed to do to survive. I�m severely depressed. But I don�t cry about it, no- I think it turns into rage. Sometimes I really just want to punch my husband in the damn face. I really do.
Let�s start with the smallest issue. We have sex approximately once a month. It makes me so sad. If I would have known this marriage was going to deprive me of basic sexual satisfaction I wouldn�t have agreed to marry him. When I mention it, he gets pissed off. We end up fighting about it and it makes me feel even more pathetic. He says that if I stopped �begging for it� he would, and he f*cks me just to shut me up. But even if I don�t say anything about it and just let it be, it�s really just the same. I�m not unattractive. Quite frankly before I met him I was getting it all the time. I never had an issue getting laid. I know it�s a good�
The lack of sexual intimacy has caused my mind to wander. I start thinking about what it would be like to be with someone that could satisfy me like that. When we do actually do it, it�s good. It�s just so far and few in between I can�t take it. I feel as if that is the kind of intimacy a married couple should share together. When it�s lacking, I don�t feel like I want to give affection. I just feel like we�re room mates/co-parenting.
On to the other dark part of our marriage� I simply cannot trust him. I know he has a sex drive. It�s there, but he releases it onto the internet. The damn internet.
I know he watches porn (frequently), and I have found SEVERAL �secret� email addresses, dating profiles, even comments from him on porn sites (that he denies). A few months ago I found an old notebook in his trunk (he had it before we got together) with MULTIPLE usernames of other girls from various social sites. But I Do know that he was using it while we were married, because there was a page for a game we played together. It was buried under some things. Why he kept it? Beats me. A few weeks ago it disappeared from his car. I never mentioned it to him. But it�s gone as if he forgot about it then found it now wants to hide it, or he�s using it again. I don�t know.
He�s into some weird [censored], too. I hate to judge, I really do, it just makes me sad to be married to such a pervert.
One time he told me he doesn�t have sex with me because he�s lazy. Another time or two he�s told me that he would rather �talk- about sex and sexual things rather than actually DO it. Needless to say it�s pushing me away. I�m halfway considering signing myself up for one of those sites. But I�m afraid I�d get emotionally attached. Our emotional relationship is really lacking as well. I don�t feel like I can tell him things. He comes home from work and hides out in the bathroom (supposedly taking a crap), for 40 minutes to an hour on an almost daily basis and jacks off in the shower. It pisses me off. But it has been going on for so long I�ve almost become used to it.
I don�t want him anymore. Even when he starts talking about wanting sex (which is so rare) I don�t want it anymore. I don�t want to be touched at all these last few months.
The point is I hate being married to this guy. I know I deserve better. I truly do. He thinks he treats me good. In the midst of arguments, he will tell me how I�ve made such a big mistake for wanting to leave him because he �treats me like a queen�.
I told him he�s a great provider. But a sh!tty lover.
Doing some research I believe I have codependency issues.
I have found some things and confronted him about it. But for the most part I Just kept it to myself because I knew he was going to deny it anyways.

Edited to add: I'm really sorry if all of this seems like a jumbled mess. It's really such a long story that I can't begin where to start, and if I elaborated everything I would have to write a book. I didn't put much forethought into what I Was typing, just typed as I thought... and then posted.
Thanks for reading.

I'm sorry for the pain that has brought you here.

Do you want to save your marriage? How long have you been married to this guy? Is it your first marriage? Did you live together before marriage? Is this child also your husband's child?

The porn and masturbation are, as you have experienced, a HUGE problem in your marriage, as they would be in any marriage.

Porn creates a contrast effect between you and many young women selected for their sexual charms, and most likely air-brushed for enhancement. Most women are terribly offended when their husbands view pornography.

Masturbation conditions the body to ejaculate prematurely. It's much easier to engage in masturbation than in an intimate sexual relationship where mutual satisfaction is the objective. Men who masturbate become dreadful lovers.

Will your H agree to end these two destructive habits? There are sex addiction groups that can be helpful. My H participated in one through a local church, and it was greatly helpful.

Marriage is a relationship of extraordinary care in which we meet each others emotional needs, avoid love busters, and make mutually agreeable decisions, none of which apply in your current situation. This kind of marriage would be your objective and is what Marriage Builders does very well, IF both spouses follow all the steps.

Are you snooping to see if he is still contacting other women?

Have you read this thread? Start Here First

Do yourself a favor and keep your boundaries around other men very high. Don't have an affair, as it will only complicate things.

Welcome to Marriage Builders.

Have you cheated on your husband recently?

The other posters are right about porn being toxic to the mind. It will warp a spouse and harm their marriage.

I hope the venting about it helped. But if you are really serious about only venting and not taking any action, then your responses on here will be short-lived.

People on this site act positively, they do not vent negatively. MB is about getting a good life, not complaining about a bad one. Nobody is enslaved into a bad marriage unless they choose to be.

Have you read up on Plan A/Plan B? Would you put those plans into place to try and recover your marriage? If not, we can't help.

If you decide to Plan A, then I would suggest cleaning up your side of the street by way of example to your H.

For instance:



If you really do speak to him in such a disrespectful way, you won't get far. I wouldn't give the time to someone who addressed me like that. You can stand up for yourself and still be respectful, firm and fair.

If you don't want to do the plans then I would suggest serious computer and old school snooping, a good lawyer and making plans to separate asap.

Good luck.

Both your husband's lack of sexual interest in you and his... hmmmm... sexual deviancy are very likely related to his (also very likely) HEAVY porn use.

I wouldn't be surprised if part of his lack of performance is due to an inability to achieve and/or maintain a full erection during intercourse with you.


Of course, the problem here isn't you.


Those issues are commonly reported by heavy porn users, up to the point where some men (and YOUNG men, late teens/early 20's mind you) are reporting total ED when with a flesh and blood woman.



The porn, the social networks, the secret email accounts HAVE TO GO before any attempt at recovery can be made!