I've been married for almost 10 yrs. On February 15 I found a text message on my H's phone to his friend from back home "you look finger licking good" and the 3 photos she sent. They were friends with benefits back in 2001. I was numb instantly and by the time I put myself together he had already erased all the text messages. He says he was just being stupid for texting her. She is married, has no kids and lives 6-7 hrs from us.

That same night, I started checking his calls and noticed a number repeatedly. Turns out he has been talking to another woman since November 26. They have been talking an average of 30 hrs a month, December January and February. All this information is from online phone bills. She works for the same company my husband works. She does the cleaning in the building, he works in the building next to hers. Apparently, she has to pick up the keys to get in the building from him every day and that is how they started talking. He says they were attracted to each other as soon as they made eye contact.

I got away from the house for 4 days with our 2 kids. Upon my return we worked things out. He swore he never touched her in any way. I thought he was being honest but something inside me kept telling me that there was more, so a week later I asked him again if he did anything with her, he said they kissed and that was it. To many of you a kiss might be nothing, but to me it�s a lot, it does not go with my believes or the way that I was raised.

He says the OW quit her job right after I found out, which I do not believe. He also says he hasn�t talked to either one on the phone. I know that for a fact because I monitor all his calls online but he still has access to a phone, all day long, at work. I do not have access to the text messages online but I was able to block outbound/inbound texts from OWs. I tried the outbound/inbound blockage on my phone and it worked like a charm.

After a month of ups and downs things are better between us but I am still not ok. I do not trust him anymore, I�m always creating pictures on my mind, I see them kissing and getting physical. Is it normal? How do I control my mind? We both want to work things out but my mind doesn't want to let go of the past or perhaps its telling me not to let go because there is more to their story?

Welcome to MB.
Unfortunately, you are having trouble "controlling your thoughts" because your gut knows WH is lying to you.
They had sex.
Most waywards will follow this script:

We did not touch.
We only talked about touching.
We only kissed with closed mouths.
We kissed with tongue.
We touched above the waist with all our clothes on.
We only (etc etc etc)....

They all do this.
It's like death by ten thousand small cuts.

Have you read the carrot/stick link in my sig line?
Do you know how vital EXPOSURE is to a real recovery?
Do you understand complete 100% NO CONTACT for life?
Do you know what 'extraordinary precautions" are?
Have you read SAA?

If you ask a wayward for facts, they think that the *fact* will harm you & lessen your opinion of *them* and generally cause trouble .... they WILL LIE.

All of them.
Your WH included.

Who else knows about this affair?
Is OW married? Does OW have a boyfriend?

Please, remember to read it all.

~~~> *** START HERE *** <~~~

Have you told the OW1's BH?

Is OW2 married?

Trusty the best piece of advice I can give you is trust what the veterans on this board are telling you. Its been three weeks since my wife told me about her affair and the vets on this board explained by the numbers what she and I have already gone though and what we will go through and by the numbers its happend.

Thanks everyone for all the info. Pepperband, I read the first paragraph and is says to expose to the OWs husbands but I do not have much info of OWs. I found the name of the husband from the OW1. OW2 is married and has a kid. I do not have much info on her just her name, no last name, and her phone number. BTW, I found 2 pictures of OW2 on my WH email. I have no idea how to get more info on OW2. I will keep reading all the material you have here, it is very interesting and informative. Thank you for all of your replies.

Link to a very helpful thread .... LINK to Operation Investigate forum

Trusty, spokeo.com can look up names, phone numbers and e-mail addressess for a mimimal monthly fee (like 2.99). Best money I ever spent and you can sign up for 1 month, 3 months or more.

Trusty,

Don't believe a word coming out of your Husbands mouth right now. Even after my H found out about my A and all the ugly details, I still tried to lie about it.

I would be willing to bet the roof over my head that they have had sex. There is no way that they have been working together this long and only kissed. In addition, you have to find out if she is still working with him. This affair will NEVER end if they still work together.


Take deep breaths, gather evidence without your H knowing, don't bring up the affair again for awhile. Don't tell your H about this site for awhile. Then when you have enough evidence and know about OW1 and OW2, EXPOSE!!!! Expose on both sides and to everyone you know.

You can not and will not recover until you expose and hopefully KILL the affair. You will never feel safe or be able to recover until this happens.

You will get a lot of advice on here from both sides. Listen, and follow everyone's instructions. You will make it through this!

Trusty, I recommend that you read my WH's (kiss) first post
here -> Kiss' fogbabble

Did you read it? Ok, good. Kiss had an affair with a co-worker. A majority of this first post are lies and fogbabble. 9 months after his first post, I had him take a polygraph (which I should have done MUCH, MUCH sooner) and he admitted to so much more. Things he had done with the OW before I even knew about her.

Please be pro-active.

~RQ

PS. His affair wasn't 1 month like he stated, but almost 5 torturous months.

^

Typical progression.


"I love you, but I'm not in love with you."

"There is nobody else."

"He/She is just a friend."

"We kissed, but just once!"

"We kissed a lot, but we didn't have sex!"

"There was heavy petting, but we didn't have sex!"

"There was only oral sex!"

"We had sex, but only once!"

etc, etc, etc...