If my wife really pushes to seperate what should I do? She is very headstrong and sometimes it is very difficult to talk her out of things. She is very angry and reason does not work.

You cannot talk her out of anything.
If she wants to go, she will.

That's the key though. She will, not she will make you.

Repeat this:

"All I can do is the right things. I don't control anyone else's actions"

You have to stand firm and not let the despair or anger you feel guide you actions."

I did, I'm divorced. Don't know if there would have been a different ultimate result if I had done differently, but I know what happened when I didn't stay home, even though it was only a short time. I made things immeasurably more difficult.

...I know what happened when I didn't stay home, even though it was only a short time.

And as one who was officially prevented from returning home (until I violated the OOP), I can attest that the resentment in me, and desolation in Bride, grew with every enforced minute apart.

You have lost enough, my friend. Do not add to the damage to your "self" by any self-abasement occasioned by misplaced concern for her...dignity? anger? privacy?

And if she tries to lock you out? Remember your rights equal hers to your home.

After all this time my wife brings up she feels emotionally abused. I can't say I did or did not I guess that depends on who you ask but I think we are both guilty to some extent. I don't think you can have a marriage where a partner does not have that experiance or feeling at least once. After checking her browsing history I know where that came from. I am glad she is reading about marriage problems but the site I found was about under what circumstances do you end a marriage. One was mental or emotional abuse the other was phsical. My wife has a habit of making thinkgs much worse or bigger than they really are.

Tell her to give you specific examples so you can stop the behavior.

Just let her know you sure hate to see her go but you can't stop her. And don't let her leave with the kids unless she has court order.

I have and she is starting to open up a little.

When all this started I was desperate and needed someone to reach out to. I debated this for several days before I did it but I finally reached out to my WW best friend. Turns out she wanted to reach out to me but did not want to risk the friendship with the WW. The BFF lives several hours away so we just mostly text and she gives me advice as she went though a similar situation and is now divorced. The BFF recently told me my WW is really starting to pull away from her as well. My WW has no idea I am in contact with the BFF so I know that is not it. Is this just a typical reaction? I know the BFF has tried to tell my WW not to make the same mistake she did as she has regrets now after her divorce.

Listen closely! YES IT IS! WS always hang around people who will help their skewed vision a reality. Your WW friend is against her affair (hopefully because you exposed) and your WW wants nothing to do with her for one simple reason! She KNOWS she is doing the wrong thing. It's natural to be around peers who support your decisions no matter how f'ed up they are. Keep your boundaries high, my friend. Remember you at risk for an affair because your needs aren't being met. Keep the talk with this "friend" light and informative about your WW. You are walking a fine line.

Wrong.

Stop this.

You are crossing the line.

Is it because she is my WW BFF or because she is female? Frankly her giving me some advise is about the only thing that has kept me sane.

She is a female you are sharing intimate details of your life, taking comfort and solace.

You are letting her meet your emotional needs.

Sound familiar.

I know you know this.

Don't talk to another woman unless it is YOUR MOTHER!!!! If you need to talk and vent, find a safe male friend.

Remember we are all wired for an affair !

Be strong. Have good boundaries.

Make sure the light at the end of the tunnel isn't another train....and a trainwreck it shall be if you let another woman meet any of your needs.

Yup


And yup.

We've seen way too many revenge affairs where the BS is talking to a member of OS about their marriage problems and bam they become wayward.

The Harleys (especially Joyce) will say "it's our job to protect our LB from the wrong people making deposits".

Ok some new info. My wife is slowly starting to open up on more details of not only what she needs but details of the affair. She said the affair's been ongoing for a year and that about put me over the edge. I asked her point blank what her and the OM plans where and she said to divorce and be together. I asked why she did not follow through and the answer was her and the OM were too chicken.
I have combed through every email, computer log, phone records and her phone and everything I have seen leads me to believe the affair ended about six weeks ago with the only contact being a text from the OM that she never responded to.
So i guess I am confused as to her comments as to why they ended it. She was totally in love with the OM and has the means to support herself.
I know she still loves me but is totally turned off by me in an intimate manner and that is my fault which I am working on with a vengance.

I'm going to give you some advice that Steve Harley gave me: Don't ask "why" questions. Nothing she says will make you feel better, and she likely doesn't understand the reasons herself. You know the why...it's always the same why. WS gets needs met by OP, and one thing leads to another.

Stop it. You do need to know some things, and only you know what that is. Ask those questions in "what" form and get those answers. Get those answers confirmed by a polygraph, and MOVE ON! Work on you.

Can you truly try and recover this marriage without knowing, with absolute certainty, that the truth about her affair is out? Get the poly scheduled. Don't skip this step.

Unless you have a keylogger on her computer and spyware on her phone, you can't tell what she is doing. Emails and texts can be deleted and even the dumbest wayward knows how to master that trick. I would also be checking for an affair phone. Can you get a keylogger on her computer and spyware on her phone? Can you get a VAR in her car?

My suspicion is that the affair is still on but has gone further underground. She wants to separate to pursue the affair but is trying to make it look like she didn't separate due to the affair. She doesn't want to be blamed for the demise of your marriage. So if you separate, the OM can leave his wife too and they can slowly bring their relationship into the open by saying "we tried to work it out but couldn't make it work. I knew I was in love with OM so I decided it was best to leave my marriage for him."

I think that is the plan. When a WS says she wants to "separate" it means she wants to leave so she can pursue an affair.

The wife has stopped talking about seperation and has started to become depressed. Its been thirty days since she told me but two days ago I was tracking her phone and noticed she was driving to several locations. After a while I figured out what she was doing she was looking for the OM. I have locked down all electronics so she was driving around hoping to run into him and I busted her before she could make contact.

Was a NC letter done?