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I think I can say my WW and I are headed down the agonizingly slow road to recovery. The only new twist is I have been diagnosed with pretty major depression and seems I have had boughts for many many years and did not know.
I think its been the biggest catalyst for our marriage problems and pretty much floored me after that realization.
My WW is committed to helping me through the rough parts but I am afraid it will strain that thread holding us together.
Any advice as how to proceed?
D-day 3/18/13
Married 17yrs
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Any advice as how to proceed? Is it safe to assume you have been properly diagnosed and are getting treatment?
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Take it easy on yourself. You do not need to solve things all at once. This is a pretty arduous process. Don't give yourself a critical eye.
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I meant to say, don't view yourself with a critical eye.
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Any advice as how to proceed? OK. Some practical advice. Tell your wife that I told her to do the following, every day. Forever. "WCG, is there anything I can do for you today?" You need to know exactly what she can do to help you. Be prepared to answer her (above) question on a daily basis. It can be frustrating (for WW) to deal with a depressed spouse. It's tempting to 'give up' if it seems as if (her) efforts bring no results. Give her an exact love bank target to hit. If she misses the target, tell her so she can correct her next effort.
After at least a week of her doing this for you, tell us what happened. OK?
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Joined: Apr 2013
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Any advice as how to proceed? OK. Some practical advice. Tell your wife that I told her to do the following, every day. Forever. "WCG, is there anything I can do for you today?" You need to know exactly what she can do to help you. Be prepared to answer her (above) question on a daily basis. It can be frustrating (for WW) to deal with a depressed spouse. It's tempting to 'give up' if it seems as if (her) efforts bring no results. Give her an exact love bank target to hit. If she misses the target, tell her so she can correct her next effort.
After at least a week of her doing this for you, tell us what happened. OK? Thanks. It's been difficult to digest depression may be the root cause of our problems. My WW is holding a lot of resentment and anger but she is being very supportive. My treatment is helping but I still have a ways to go before my fog lifts completly.
D-day 3/18/13
Married 17yrs
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Yes. The resentment and anger from my WW is from all the things that have happend in the past. We are working through them.
D-day 3/18/13
Married 17yrs
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WCG,
When did you start to be depressed? What were your previous bouts like, how long did they last? Are you certain that the depression existed prior to the affair. I became very depressed after a false recovery when my H contacted OW. I started anti-depressants, but still was very depressed. I remember wondering if I would ever laugh again. Once recovery really got going, the depression resolved.
I am so sorry you are feeling this way.
AM
BW - 70
WH - 65
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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Joined: Apr 2013
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WCG,
When did you start to be depressed? What were your previous bouts like, how long did they last? Are you certain that the depression existed prior to the affair. I became very depressed after a false recovery when my H contacted OW. I started anti-depressants, but still was very depressed. I remember wondering if I would ever laugh again. Once recovery really got going, the depression resolved.
I am so sorry you are feeling this way.
AM I talked to the doctor for quite a while. My current situation has been the worst but after the talk and really examining how I felt I've been in a mild depression for a long time. Irritated, grumpy, no energy, not wanting to do the things I enjoy. I think I fell into a mild state of depression, never realized it and never really snapped out of it.
D-day 3/18/13
Married 17yrs
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WCG,
When did you start to be depressed? What were your previous bouts like, how long did they last? Are you certain that the depression existed prior to the affair. I became very depressed after a false recovery when my H contacted OW. I started anti-depressants, but still was very depressed. I remember wondering if I would ever laugh again. Once recovery really got going, the depression resolved.
I am so sorry you are feeling this way.
AM I talked to the doctor for quite a while. My current situation has been the worst but after the talk and really examining how I felt I've been in a mild depression for a long time. Irritated, grumpy, no energy, not wanting to do the things I enjoy. I think I fell into a mild state of depression, never realized it and never really snapped out of it. It's entirely possible that your depression was a side effect of your poor marital state. However, that being said, while running recovery an AD for the short-term can help keep you motivated. Or, you can try supplements; a vitamin B complex, fish oil capsules, and folic acid - along with exercise and trying to cut out caffeine and lower your carbohydrate intake. If that doesn't work, an AD may be in order. There is one that is commonly used in smoking cessation that doesn't have as high of a report rate for lowering sex drive.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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