I'm confused. Your thread says no, hers says yes. Which is it?

She thought I sent it today but I never because I never saw the letter when she sealed it in the envelope. I am going to go mail it in a few minutes after I look at it.

How are you going to look at it if she sealed it in the envelope? Am I missing something?

I opened it and looked at it. I'm going to just send it in a new envelope. I'm not sure of the address though. I was told by other people that this guy lives in a compleatly different town than the one on this envelope. Both towns are only 10 minutes away from where we live.

From what I understand it shouod be sent certified so he has to sign for it and you KNOW he got it.

I'll do that.

So will it be sent out tomorrow?

Yeah, I'll send it registered mail today.

We sent the letter registered mail. I am a little worried that something may be off with it as my W seemed to become somewhat distressed when she realized he would have to sign for it? I am somewhat worried about some of the thoughts and feelings I have been having over the past few weeks. I find myself wondering if the single life would not be better, if after all that has been done if this is something that should be saved but than I realize how much she means to me and the thoughts go away. I wonder about her true intentions as she gets upset when I tell her that there are things that constantly remind me of what has happened here in this apartment and she either forgets about them or angrily throws them out. I just don't know! It hurts and I feel bad because I trust you guys more than I trust her and I don't even know any of you. Is this normal?

Why does she get upset when I post something here before consulting her about it first? I feel like I can't say or do anything. I can't even sit and read a book without wondering if it will upset her. I'm in a strange limbo that I do not like, I can't do any of the things I enjoy in life because I'm afraid to and I can feel something inside wanting that feeling to end.

Your thoughts and feelings are completely normal. They don't call it a roller coaster for nothing!

Mrs. Cen needs to understand that this is a place for you to get advice and to vent. Kiss was upset about me posting here at first too. When he was still foggy. But he came to realize that it was valuable support for me. She will come around but I have no experience with Wayward wives. They seem to be treated a lot differently then WHs. Hopefully some of the fellas can help you through this.

As far as you reading a book, if you are not us how she would feel about it then ask her. Word it " how would you feel if I read a book for a half an hour" if she is enthusiastic then you POJA'd it, if she is not, then ask her if there is something that she would like you to do or do together.

Follow the basic concepts of poja, porh, meeting UA time and meeting her needs.

I will wait and see if this letter gets delivered. I refuse to believe that they went to motels for days on end, for two months when this guy lives ten minutes away? That will not ever add up to truth in my mind. In fact it makes me sick to think about it. I do love her with all my heart but its her heart that I have to wonder about

Disregard this for now. She has her own best interests in mind, and we have the best interest of...



YOUR MARRIAGE


... in mind.


Not you. Your marriage.

Polygraph test?

No need. She flat out lies to me, I asked her to get rid of a jacket that I never seen until this all happened. She did this morning very angrily. I just had an argument with her about it, I asked her why she would get upset about it. She said she never wore that jacket out with him even though one if the worst memories I have is if her outside in the jacket waiting to be picked up by him. She just flat out lies to me, she thinks I imagine this stuff. I've asked her a number of times to get rid of it over the past few days but she did not until I brought it up this morning. She says she doesn't think of things like this and forgets about them even after I mention them.

After my fww admitted affair she would lie to me about small things. It made no sense. I came close to calling it quits, more from the lying than the affair itself. I am glad I didn't though. She didn't want it to seem as bad as it was, but once she woke up it got better. I had read on this site somewhere that more couples divorce over the lies than over the affair.

That's my biggest problem. She has no idea the things that I know to be fact and when asked about it she will tell me a lie. How can I ever trust anything even if the lies are small and insignificant?

1) Do not make DEMANDS about these things. Let her know they bother you and allow her to act. You want demonstration of care to be a habit. THANK HER when she demonstrates care by discarding trigger objects.

2) DO NOT ARGUE. Don't be baited into explaining your reasoning behind the fact that it bothers you, this will lead to arguing or bargaining. It bothers you, it should go.

3) DO NOT ARGUE. PERIOD. No Angry Outbursts. Period. If you have angry outbursts, she will - rightfully - be advised not to deal with you.

4) NO ANGRY OUTBURSTS.

5) NO ANGRY OUTBURSTS.

6) Don't get hung up on trust or forgiveness.

6a) Trust - nobody should be trusted to not have an affair. Radical Honesty; concentrate on REWARDING honesty (a simple "Thank you for being honest" will do) and DO NOT punish dishonesty. Make being honest both safe and pleasant to form it as a habit.

6b) Forgiveness - is earned through just compensation. Quit dwelling on it, allow just compensation to be met. The more you think about it, the more it will gnaw at you.

7) She doesn't see things the way you do, AND THAT'S OK. Don't get caught up in the loop of Disrespectful Judgements. The only thing either of you need to know is my spouse enjoys this, or my spouse dislikes that. Full stop.

There are no more angry outbursts. I just get up and leave like I did twice today, she got upset with me because I did get up and leave before an argument stared and I didn't say where I was going. She left now to go stay at her folks house?