I do not believe we can help the two of you. So many details are being left out, and I believe you continue to lie to us, RNR.

I think the two of you need to separate and seek professional help as soon as possible. I definitely recommend you pursue contacting Dr. Harley because of his wide experience.

I'm not lying about anything. I don't know what details you need? Right now I'm out having coffee alone in my truck. My wife has refused to find the contact info needed to deliver the NC letter. She says she doesn't know where this guy lives even though she was with him for more than two months? She said she doesn't even know if his cell numbers are the same because he changes them every couple months. He said she will go on FB and contact him herself to get the address, I told her that was not the way to so it. He's hiding from the law, he can't even use his real name on FB or show his face. My wife would like some suggestions? As for me I have left the apartment for the day and will stay away. If she would like to pack her things she may do it in privacy. I agree maybe we do need to separate. I suggested this to her a few days ago and she got angry and said there will be no separation only divorce if we part?

I do have a question for you guys, divorce has been filed. I did that the first week I found out. Does this mean that I have to stop it or it will one day just go through? I don't want that to happen. I don't want to call my lawyer about because its not cheap to talk to that [censored] even for 10 minutes. I have a email ready for Dr. Harley.

I smell double standard here.

It's okay for you to walk away and come back when it suits you, but not so for her.

It's okay for you to hide any knowledge or remembrance of girl pictures on your computer, but she's supposed to reveal all about herself that she knows to you.

She's supposed to quickly get over your AO's and not have her own, but you're allowed to express your grudge indefinitely.

It's okay for you to have email she can't read, but not okay for her.

EP's and transparency is required of both parties regardless of who did what and when.

You let her know at every opportunity that she's only allowed to stay at your forbearance, some of which has nothing to do with any Lovebusters she's made, but rather seems to be based on what side of the bed you woke up on.

You are providing instability for her. It's no wonder she doesn't know which way to jump.

The other day was to your day to stay cool and you didn't.

Your one last act of kindness can be to make up your mind as to whether you want to reconcile or not. Divorce or not. Like Dr. Harley says, if you decide reconciliation, then make it reconciliation, not punishment. Reconciliation begins with the Lovebusters that you can control: your own. Be honest enough with yourself and her as to whether you can do this. No one makes you who you are or makes you behave in a certain way except your own self. If it's habitual, it's your job and work to change that habit.

You keep pulling your weapons out and blowing her away every time she doesn't do something "right." Quit it. Decide: divorce or reconciliation, but not punishment.

You could just ask your lawyer with that email account of yours.

Anyway, it won't go all the way to divorce, usually, until you go before the judge and verify that's what you want and the judge agrees that it's justified.

You can e-mail your lawyer. The rate should be much less than setting up a meeting or calling him/her. If it isn't, then get a new lawyer.

Wow!

I shall enjoy learning how BH's refusing to speak to his former co-worker can be used as justification for WW bolting the family home!

I will sit here ENTHRALLED in expectation of reading how WW's gambling away increasingly important joint financial assets (which has been related as being much more highly valued by BH than her) will be blamed on BH!

I will also look forward to learning how POSOM could have known to refuse to sign for the certified letter!

Then, and only then, will I give NG's MB-principled interpretation of these events - for as long as they are permitted to remain!

What state are you in RNR?

Alberta, Canada

I tend to see this as you do. But there are some inconsistencies in his story and contradictions by his wife that cloud this whole thread. I'm not saying the whole thing is a hoax, but its starting to look like one.

Regardless of who is telling the truth, we cannot help either of them the way this thread is going. Their only hope at this point is to contact the Harleys, share their stories truthfully if the are capable, and take their counsel.

A divorce will not just go through if you do nothing. On what grounds did you file for divorce? Adultery?

I have been listening to some of dr. Harley's radio program. I have been making a few mistakes, seems I have missed the meaning of a few concepts. She has also been making huge mistakes. I think my love bank is very much empty.

Adultery, gambling/impulse control.


Brainhurts, thanks for those links.

That is why I think a cease fire is needed. Every action the two of you take damages the relationship more and more. No contact until you hear back from the Harleys.

Send out the e-mail today. Let them know the crisis is at its peak.

Does anyone know where RNR's wife's thread is?

I am concerned about her gone missing.

RNR, I wasn't suggesting that it was okay for her to leave and come back as she will, but that you both need to have the same standard of conduct. Lead by example and exert power over your emotions so that you don't lose your own impulse control.

You stay calm, make your decision, but don't be demanding, disrespectful, or show anger when you do. You're not helpless - there are logical things you can do. If she isn't willing to do her part of recovery, you can choose what to do that doesn't involve Lovebusters.

Hi, my wife has removed her thread. She refuses to come back here although she did post last night lookin for her meds. A few days ago she gave me a choice, she said either this forum goes or she is going. She doesn't think you guys are helpful to me and says you put thoughts into my head. I think you are very helpful and I feel we need this, that's why I refuse to leave and continue to post to receive advise and guidance. I will try and get my wife back on board if she will. Either way, I will not leave and I will await contact with dr. Harley.

I didn't know that one could remove their own thread.


Good, good! And when you hear from Dr. Harley, don't dismiss a thing he tells you to do. Don't do a single thing he tells you not to do. He's seen it all.

This has been very difficult to follow. The events that have described have been so different.....it has become increasingly difficult to discern, what or who is who telling the truth, things being left out......etc. It would be very wise to email the Harleys as previously suggested.

She refuses to come back here although she did post last night lookin for her meds. A few days ago she gave me a choice, she said either this forum goes or she is going. An ultimatum issued to the BS by the WS to cease receiving MB support? My, my - how very.....unique!

She doesn't think you guys are helpful to me and says you put thoughts into my head. Most WSs think we are not helpful to BSs, and we plead "guilty" to putting thoughts into your head - thoughts about: holding her accountable for her actions; insisting she commit to following the MB plan, or be willing to accept the consequences for refusing; having the self-respect to understand that cravenly "giving in to get along" never serves a BS well. Yup, that's us!

I think you are very helpful and I feel we need this, that's why I refuse to leave and continue to post to receive advise and guidance. I will try and get my wife back on board if she will. Either way, I will not leave and I will await contact with dr. Harley. Hoo-wah!

There may be more to this than simple waywardness, NG. He did manhandle her out the door after he began posting. Cause and effect would look like that the MB forums are making him more volatile.

How should one insist for their spouse to follow MB?
What are the consequences and how are they carried out for not doing as told in regards to this?

This sounds ever so close to a threat and would especially sound like it coming from someone who has demonstrated that they'll put their hands on you in anger.

Going along to get along serves no one well.

We obviously don't know even the half of it, but advising against Lovebusters never fails to be good advice.