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You should absolutely expose to the law firm. He's violating professional rules of conduct and it will reflect on the firm. If he is reprimanded, suspended, or worse it will affect the firm. Additionally, if the relationship goes bad the client could accuse the lawyer (and by him the firm) of sexual harassment or any other kinds of issues.
I would first lodge an actual complaint or file a report through the regulatory body. In my state that is the Lawyer's Board for Professional Responsibility. Find the one in your state. After that is done, you might want to call the firm and ask for the "managing attorney" or "managing partner" you can then expose to him. You could just get his name from the phone and then mail him/her the evidence too.
BH, 32
WW hopefully a FWW soon, 32
3 DS- 4, 7, 9
1 DD or DS on the way
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Are you actually divorced? (Is it final?)
If so......she is just dating the OM and not monogamous with you.
If the divorce is not final......is it stalled at a juncture? Put on hold? They are still married. The lawyer, that she's having an affair for 3+ years, was her lawyer when she needed representation for her business.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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[
Over the past couple weeks, when I told her I am going insane on worrying of her whereabouts, we mutually agreed that we should separate amicably. She will let me have whatever I want (probably out of guilt). I think this is the best for both of you. She has no reason to give up having 2 men care for her. And in the meantime, you waste valuable time that could be spent rebuilding your own life with a better partner. You really can and should do better than this. Don't hang onto a dead corpse...
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Was your wife a client of this lawyer? Was she his client when the sexual relationship started? If the answer to both of these questions is yes, then this lawyer has broken the rules of professional conduct.
You should report this relationship to the lawyers board for professional responsibility in your state. Additionally, depending on the state, this could be a tort that you could sue him over.
You have some extra leverage that can be used to try and nuke this affair beyond just exposure. Lawyer-client sexual relationships are heavily regulated and he can be reprimanded, suspended, or disbarred depending on what his governing body decides to do to him. Hi amlbetrayed, Thanks for the info. I didn't know that. My wife is definitely a client of this lawyer, but no official contract / retainer after the initial court case. She has periodically write checks (retainer fees) to this lawyer 1-2 years ago, but that stopped because he stopped billing her. In my mind, of course he is not charging because he is getting something other than money in return. However, can he legally argue that he is just helping a friend instead of a client? I am sure if things turned ugly, my soon to be ex-wife will say she is just seeking a friend's advice whom just happen to be a lawyer. I am a lawyer myself. I can tell you that the formation of an attorney-client relationship can happen a lot without ever signing a contract or paying money. There are entire CLE courses for lawyers about the pit falls. If he started sleeping with her AFTER she became a client and persisted throughout then he has violated several professional rules. Report him to his regulatory authority. It could run him off. Additionally, he could get a public reprimand and more. That means that his disciplinary action will be published in the periodicals produced by the bar for all lawyers to read. What do you mean by regulatory authority? I know he runs his own business (the name of his company is his name & associates). Are you actually divorced? (Is it final?)
If so......she is just dating the OM and not monogamous with you.
If the divorce is not final......is it stalled at a juncture? Put on hold? The divorce is "final" on paper, because it was done to protect our shared assets due to her losing a court case. It was not done because of the affair. Due to that, the terms are really skewed to my favor -- I own almost all assets and I only have to pay her a small alimony a month for 10 years. Now that I am contemplating a "true divorce" I want to rewrite the marriage dissolution so I don't even have to pay the monthly alimony. Interestingly, I think she will oblige to that. When we talked about "true separation" a week ago, she (until she changes her mind) would allow me to keep as much as I want.
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You should absolutely expose to the law firm. He's violating professional rules of conduct and it will reflect on the firm. If he is reprimanded, suspended, or worse it will affect the firm. Additionally, if the relationship goes bad the client could accuse the lawyer (and by him the firm) of sexual harassment or any other kinds of issues.
I would first lodge an actual complaint or file a report through the regulatory body. In my state that is the Lawyer's Board for Professional Responsibility. Find the one in your state. After that is done, you might want to call the firm and ask for the "managing attorney" or "managing partner" you can then expose to him. You could just get his name from the phone and then mail him/her the evidence too. Now that I think clearer, on paper I am divorced already. Maybe this constitute my "ex-wife" and I are just living together (and continuing to be couples), so this lawyer sleeping with her may not be reportable (she's a divorced woman on paper). I think my best solution is just move on, while we are still on good terms. Get what I can, and find another person that will provide much better love and care for me.
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I may not be 100% correct, but I do believe that every state requires a lawyer to be licensed to practice law. The licensing body then regulates the profession. They monitor them for legal and ethical breaches.
Regardless of if you are married or not, if he slept with a client after the attorney-client relationship was formed then he breached the ethical guidelines and is subject to professional discipline.
He is a discredit to the legal profession. You should report him so he can be disciplined.
BH, 32
WW hopefully a FWW soon, 32
3 DS- 4, 7, 9
1 DD or DS on the way
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I do think one good thing about my situation is that... should i decide to move on (heavily leaning towards this decision), we won't be nasty fighting over finances. Being a nice guy, I will get my fair portion, but I won't leave her with nothing.
That said, I think I should put things on paper instead of over "gentlemen agreement". Afterall, she has a lawyer OM and I don't want to get screwed by not protecting myself.
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Was she having the affair with the OM(lawyer) while you were married?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Was she having the affair with the OM(lawyer) while you were married? Yes, shortly after her court case is when the affair started. Unfortunately I did not save any evidence during that time period.
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...on paper I am divorced already.
Albert, my friend, you may have set a new standard here on this site.
Many times here a BH on the cusp of the final divorce decree will decide that he is prematurely free to date and court other women. We try assiduously to remind those WHs that, "Until the D, there is only the M!"
You sir, are likely the first male here, having actually achieved the D, to insist on honoring the tenets of the (now dead) M!
Given that reconciliation in your case would involve compelling a WW to remarry you(!), I think it's advisable to accept what is, move on, and begin a new life.
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Yes.
Clearly, release yourself from your vows and move on.
She is using you to meet some emotional needs and is not your legal wedded wife any longer.
Get what you can while she and you are on kind of good terms and find a woman who is willing to be your true partner in every sense of the word.
And, heck.......you have put up the good fight already. You have Plan A-d her for years! You would be a catch for many a fine woman!
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Correct me if I'm wrong didn't you already have an agreement that you retain the assets and she receives a monthly alimony payment. Is this agreement legally binding? If it is and you want to enter a varied agreement, be careful to ensure the terms of the current one remain valid until you have a legally binding varied agreement. Waywards have a habit of changing their minds and making decisions that result in financial loss.
Me 46yrs
WH 46yrs "Isildur"
Married: 22yrs 8mths
DS 9yrs;DD 19yrs;DS 21yrs
Bomb drop:marriage not working don't know if ILY 12.11.11
DD:26.11.11
WH moves to OW house 28.11.11
Formal MB Plan A 14.4.12
Plan B 27.4.12
D:20.7.14
"There are moments in life that make us & set the course of who we become. Sometimes they're little & subtle,sometimes they're big & we never saw them coming. No one asks for their life to change, but it does. It's what we do afterwards that counts & we find out who we are."
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...on paper I am divorced already.
Albert, my friend, you may have set a new standard here on this site.
Many times here a BH on the cusp of the final divorce decree will decide that he is prematurely free to date and court other women. We try assiduously to remind those WHs that, "Until the D, there is only the M!"
You sir, are likely the first male here, having actually achieved the D, to insist on honoring the tenets of the (now dead) M!
Given that reconciliation in your case would involve compelling a WW to remarry you(!), I think it's advisable to accept what is, move on, and begin a new life. NeverGuessed, as I mentioned in my other reply, the D was not due to the A, and the M supposedly is still intact. I also don't think my WW would decide to start an A because of the D, due to the fact that in the divorce decree I own all assets that have values while she owe everything else. With her credit ruined, she would be stupid if I become an a-hole and leave her, with or without the A. The more I talk to my close friends and family members, the more I get suggestions from this board, the more I feel I should move on and begin a new life.
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Correct me if I'm wrong didn't you already have an agreement that you retain the assets and she receives a monthly alimony payment. Is this agreement legally binding? If it is and you want to enter a varied agreement, be careful to ensure the terms of the current one remain valid until you have a legally binding varied agreement. Waywards have a habit of changing their minds and making decisions that result in financial loss. I believe it is still legally binding. I would like to think my WW is different that most WW, since we have no kids, and we are both financially independent (she has a successful career being a small business owner), so she is not as financially dependent on my income. That said, I will make sure a new agreement is made, so I can begin a new life with hopefully no baggage.
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Keep in mind that when you legally divorced, though you felt you were still married, you were not, are not.
Keep in mind that your ex-wife had other ideas about how to live as a couple.......with poor boundaries and having romantic relationships with other people.
Also, keep in mind that she has bought into the idea that this is somehow okay and she is continuing to do it. It is causing you far more angst than it is causing her. Any angst she is having is due to her own actions and choices.
Yes. Once you have a better agreement, continue with no baggage BUT if it is so easy to change the agreement you have now, what will stop her from changing the next one?!
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Also will you expose him? After all he is a lawyer who got involved with a client. You still need to expose this.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Also will you expose him? After all he is a lawyer who got involved with a client. You still need to expose this. I am trying hard on how to get even with this a-hole. I couldn't find his FB page, but he does have a Google+ account that shows he is connected to 7 people. I am sure his social circle is bigger than that... With the far and wide concept, I want to bring the biggest exposure before that gets shutdown. What about the "FWW" side? Her parents and family knew of the issue and sided with me, but can't do much. I am thinking of also exposing to our mutual friends, because at some point, they will have to know why I change my FB status to Single/Divorced, and why I start dating again.
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Albert, go take a peek at my exposure 101 thread for some ideas. I would definitely expose it to everyone.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Now that I think clearer, on paper I am divorced already. Maybe this constitute my "ex-wife" and I are just living together (and continuing to be couples), so this lawyer sleeping with her may not be reportable (she's a divorced woman on paper). Is this adultery, if you are divorced already? Did the relationship with the lawyer begin before you divorced her?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Now that I think clearer, on paper I am divorced already. Maybe this constitute my "ex-wife" and I are just living together (and continuing to be couples), so this lawyer sleeping with her may not be reportable (she's a divorced woman on paper). Is this adultery, if you are divorced already? Did the relationship with the lawyer begin before you divorced her? Yes she was. Was she having the affair with the OM(lawyer) while you were married? Yes, shortly after her court case is when the affair started. Unfortunately I did not save any evidence during that time period.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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