That is really sad, but if you are incapable of placing your marriage first, then I don't know how much hope there is for it. Take it from an old guy; the time will come when you will be incapable of running. Maybe you will find another activity, but to give up your marriage?, that is just plain sad. With priorities like that, you will never have a successful relationship. You need to place your marriage first, then find an activity that you both enjoy. It is not that hard to do.

The reason we told you this is because you could sum up your affair in 2 sentences. There is really no need for 7000 words and in fact all that did was show your husband how "important" this scumfest was to you. You stomped down harder on your husbands heart by writing 7000 words about it.


You realize you can unblock the scumbag in 2 seconds right? You can and you will so its better to just get rid of it. There are other ways to communicate than FB. FB is an affair facilitator


I wish this were true. Unfortunately you are wrong. You probably will run into him unless you put extraordinary precautions in place.



And this is the heart of the matter. Putting a "thing" before your marriage. If this truly is your belief than it would be better to divorce your husband now before you hurt him further. Please avoid any sexual contact with your husband until the divorce is complete as any possible children do not deserve your selfishness.

Sorry to be so hard but you have a serious issue that has nothing to do with your husband.

"I'm also seeing a lot of differing opinions about running and races and etc. I will say, right or wrong, if it came down to running or my marriage, I'd leave my marriage"

I appreciate your honesty about this. In that case, your husband should understand that this marriage is hopeless and he is better off leaving the marriage. Anything that comes before the marriage will eventually ruin it, as you have learned the hard way. That makes you a very dangerous spouse to him.

Of course she does

Rungirlrun, all I hear from you is excuses. One after another. As long as you continue to make them, and as long as you put anything before your marriage, your marriage will not recover. You are another affair waiting to happen.

I will not change who I am and my passion in life in order to stay with anyone. I would never in a million years expect that of anyone else either. I think some of y'all are ridiculous. Nobody should ever have to change the crux of who they are to make someone else happy; if they do, they are obviously married to the wrong person.

You can unblock someone in two seconds, and then you can't block them again for 48 hours. H is free to check my fb at any time to ensure that he is still blocked. Furthermore, it would be detrimental to everyone if I attempt to contact OM. I recognize this, which is why I don't have contact with him. I could easily text him as well. I know his phone number by heart. Or should I get a lobotomy to fix that??

And actually, H said that reading what I wrote was helpful. It helped him to see what EN's weren't being met, and helped him to finally believe I was being honest and not holding anything back. Just because somethng isn't in your particular toolkit doesn't mean it's not helpful for some.

So a question...there seem to be a lot of religious folks on here...what if you had to change your religion in order to keep your spouse? Would you convert to satanism for them? We all have our limits.

You're not going to make it.

The fog is thick with this WS.

It's sad.

If one is married, you should be each other's passion.

I respect your honesty; if you truly feel this way, please share this with your husband so you two can divorce and he has an opportunity to meet someone who will make him, his being, his thoughts, his feelings a priority over a physical activity.

Now you're being ridiculous.

Deleting FB and changing your cell phone # and committing to an interdependent life with a man who loves you are not equivalant to converting to satanism.

Sheesh...

No, but I would GIVE UP religious practices in order to keep her. There's a major difference.

It takes a leap of faith. If you start spending 15 hours a week of UA time coving the intimate ENs, you'll be surprised what you (and him) would be enthusiatic about doing...after all, you'de be in love again. Right now, you're in love with your independent behavior and he resents you for it.


I'll leave that to a vet to address, but my wife would have said the same thing 6 months ago. She's also a writer, I have way more than 7000 words from her explaining her behavior. Most of it during her A. She acknowleges that it was utter fogbabble and is embarrassed for herself.

...to keep your spouse? Would you convert to satanism for them?

If only...! Most of my clients convert from their chasing their APs!

Here is the difference you can't seem to be able to see..

When you are 60 or 70 years old and can't peruse running or marathons what will you have?? No Husband, no family and just a load of memories of running a few decades before.

if you work at your marriage and get your priorities straight and you are lucky enough to keep your caring H at your side at 70 when you can share happy memories of raising a family and building a great life together that's when you truly realise the importance of things.

And running is not the crux of who you are, you said it yourself just a few years ago you were a different person then you changed and got into running so you weren't born with this burning passion you took it on and you can leave it just as quickly if you open your mind just long enough to hear what everyone here is trying to tell you you might finally understans that a great marriage is with much more than any "hobby" you might be into right now. You can have a great marriage but it isn't delivered by pixies with a magic spell, it takes work.

Are you prepared to do any work on anything other than your own selfish needs right now???

Now for a serious answer to your "religious" question, RGR.

The most emotionally/mentally healthy folks apparently arrange the priority order of GOD - SPOUSE/FAMILY - JOB - OTHER.

You've already tangled up the second/third canon, and want to muddy the water by extending that confusion to the first/second placement.

It is highly telling that you took that tack. From a view way out here in cyberland, it is glaringly obvious that, in your scheme, RGR comnes number one over all others.

Good luck to your husband.

Arrrrgh.

If I change who I am, I will end up divorced. If I don't change who I am, I will end up divorced.

H has not asked me to quit running. He is happy that I run. It's all of ya'll who don't know me who think I shouldn't run. I think the hyperbole got a little out of hand.

My point was, at some point there are things that aren't fair to ask of another in a marriage. I do not believe in staying married at all costs, nor does that go along with the principles outlined in the book anyway. I do believe in being faithful to my husband; I don't believe I'm having an affair or at risk of one every time I put my running shoes on.

Now I need to change my phone number? To what end? OM doesn't contact me. I mean I could, but that seems unnecessary and a huge hassle - 3 employers and lots of clients who have that number, to prevent contact that's not happening?

Than you will die a bitter, lonely woman. I'm sorry.

I'd rather be lonely than untrue to myself.

True, running is not the crux of who I am, but it represents things that are who I am - a person who strives to challenge herself, do the impossible, be healthy and strong, squeeze every drop out of life. The person I used to be was unsure, depressed, utterly unconfident and turned to unhealthy behaviors to self-medicate. Go back to being that person? Nooooo way.

Thank you for answering my questions. A lot of this fogbabble isn't worth the time to respond to.

As I suspected, you are extremely foggy and haven't even begun to take the steps necessary to come out of the fog.

You are going to have to put down the crackpipe (close FB and change your phone number, get rid of ALL mementos of the affair for starters and probably even give up your running until your M improves).

Good luck!

"I will not change who I am and my passion in life in order to stay with anyone. I would never in a million years expect that of anyone else either. I think some of y'all are ridiculous. Nobody should ever have to change the crux of who they are to make someone else happy; if they do, they are obviously married to the wrong person. "

Dr Harley would classify you as a "freeloader." Freeloaders can't sustain a marriage anyway so your husband is better off cutting his losses now. His future with you will be a disaster.


from Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders:

Freeloader is unwilling to put much effort into the care of his or her partner in a romantic relationship. He or she does only what comes naturally and expects only what comes naturally. It's like a person who tries to live in a house without paying rent or doing anything to improve it unless the person is in the mood to do so.

Renter is willing to provide limited care as long as it's in his or her best interest. The romantic relationship is considered tentative, so the care is viewed as short-term. It's like a person who rents a house and is willing to stay as long as the conditions seem fair, or until he or she finds something better. The person is willing to pay reasonable rent and keep the house clean but is not willing to make repairs or improvements. It's the landlord's job to keep the place attractive enough for the renter to stay and continue paying rent.

Buyer is willing to demonstrate an extraordinary sense of care by making permanent changes in his or her own behavior and lifestyle to make the romantic relationship mutually fulfilling. Solutions to problems are long-term solutions and must work well for both partners because the romantic relationship is viewed as exclusive and permanent. It's like a person who buys a house for life with a willingness to make repairs that accommodate changing needs, painting the walls, installing new carper, replacing the roof, and even doing some remodeling so that it can be comfortable and useful.

Renters believe Our relationship is temporary. You may be right for me today and wrong for me tomorrow.

Buyers believe We are together for life.

Renters believe Our relationship should be fair. What I get should balance what I give.

Buyers believe We both contribute whatever it takes to make our relationship successful.

Renters believe As needs change, the relationship may end if needs are difficult to meet.

Buyers believe As needs change, we will make adjustments to meet new needs.

Renters believe Criticism may prompt me to change if it's worthwhile for me to do so.

Buyer believe Criticism indicates a need for change.

Rentersbelieve Sacrifice is reasonable as long as it's fair.

Buyers believe Sacrifice is dangerous and to be avoided.

Renters believe Short-term fixes are fine.

Buyers believe long-term solutions are necessary.

For the purposes of clarity - no one is saying not to run. It's an important part of who you are.

Using the policy of joint agreement you and your partner can come to an agreement where you can still enjoy running but he can also enjoy participating with you in some capacity.

1. Refrain from speaking on behalf of your partner and saying he never is enthusiastic about agreement - he has yet to learn about this program

2. Don't put anything above your marriage. Your marriage should be your #1 priority in your life. As you are intimately aware - by placing running ahead of your marriage facilitated an affair. Continuing to do so will only lead to the same result.