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#2764015 11/02/13 09:01 AM
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My husband and I have been married for 4 years and have a beautiful little girl. We've definitely had our ups and downs and I have even attempted to get us marriage counseling with no such success.
It seems that my husband just wants to drink and hang out late with his friends all the time. He'll stay up till 4am drinking and when he finally does go to sleep he will sleep until 4pm the following day. My daughter often asks if daddy is sick when he does this and myself not knowing what else to say usually tells her yes. It's not fair to myself or her that he's doing this. He won't seek help because it could have harmful effects on his career but I'm drawing really tired of having to be the only responsible adult in the house. I don't know what to do anymore.


Chelsey
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Hi Chelsey, welcome to Marriage Builders. What does he say when you tell him you are unhappy with his actions?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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What do you mean he won't seek out help?

Even at the highest levels of government/military security, individuals are encouraged to get the help they need. As long as he self-refers himself there won't be any long term effects. He may be temporarily reassigned, but it's in your best interest.

On the contrary, if he ends up with an alcohol related incident (however minor), all bets are off. If he routinely stays out drinking till 4AM, how long until something like that happens?

Is your concern that he is an alcoholic, or that he is neglectful toward his family? It can't be both right now. If he's an alcoholic, that has to be fixed before anything else.

If your concern is that he's lovebusting you with independent behavior and not meeting your emotional needs, then you are indeed in the right place. Check out all the links on the site about lovebusters and emotional needs. Could he get on board with Marriage Builder concepts?


Me: BH, 36 Military Officer
FWS: 36, repeat offender
Married: Valentine's Day 1998
DD-15/ DS-10
Almost recovered and ahead of schedule
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Originally Posted by Chelseyrain
He won't seek help because it could have harmful effects on his career .


What he is saying here is: "I wont stop drinking".

It would only harm his career if he carries on drinking, so in his mind, no one can know!! If they knew about it, he would have to stop or lose his job.

By telling you he would lose his job, he has already made his choice there. Alcohol wins over job.

He gets to keep his addiction and his job by keeping everything secret. Plus he has you to clean up his mess. I don't see any compelling reason for him to change the set up he has going. It works very well for him.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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I totally agree- he chose alcohol over his job or even his family... It's so sad that your beautiful daughter noticed that her daddy is "sick"... :-(


"Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife."
:-)
Franz Schubert

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