My wife and I have been married for a year and a half and I'd say we have a pretty healthy relationship. Conflict does occur, but we can normally resolve it ourselves in a very open and productive way. However, we hit a bump in the road last night that has not been resolved.

She was at a cafe yesterday and a man saw her through a window and motioned for her to come outside. She did not. He then proceeded to come into the cafe and try to strike up a conversation with her...asking her what her name is, what she's up to and other meaningless questions to try and find an in. He obviously didn't care to ask if she was married or look at her ring, or just didn't care either way.

Her point in telling me this story was to relay his corny parting line when he realized she wasn't going for it after a few minutes. I became upset at the idea that she would even engage in having a conversation with him in the first place. To her, it's harmless, it's not going any where, but more importantly... she finds it entertaining. Watching men approach her only to crash and burn is entertaining to her. I became offended because I couldn't understand why she just wouldn't lead with, "I'm married and not interested" from the start.

I trust her not to do anything silly, but it does seem like she enjoy's her part in "the chase"...its amusing to her and feels harmless because she doesn't do the approaching. After a big argument she agreed not to engage in it because it upsets me, but her feelings on the matter itself have led me to question whether or not I'm being too uptight myself. When women approach me in a flirty way I often bring up my marriage quickly as buffer...I am not and have never been the cheating type, but I don't even see the point in engaging in it.

Am I bugging out? Does it seem like she just likes the attention when she choses to engage in it, even if she doesn't seek it?

-storyteller

I would feel the same. You have every right to requestthat your wife respondthat she is happily married and cut off tthe conversation from the get go.

I agree with kilted, but I also suggest you read the Thoughtful Persuasion article. It's okay for her to agree to not upset you and have a different perspective herself.

It sounds like your wife has boundary issues.

What did she say when you told her it bothers you?

Thank you for the perspective and suggestions. She genuinely didn't understand why it bothered me because she wasn't trying to hurt me and from her POV she wasn't doing anything wrong. Her reaction perplexed me so much that I started to question whether I was taking it to far. I just don't get it.
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Me 37, Wife 29

You might be surprised how often people think 'harmless flirting' is okay. Or if another person hits on them it's not a big deal. It's good that she respects your feelings and won't continue this. Now you go chase her if that's what she likes.

storyteller. You can read page after page of threads here where innocent flirting and/or opposite sex friends have led to affairs.

It is a very dangerous lifestyle to allow others to meet your needs that only your spouse should be meeting.

Please read.
The Risk of Opposite-sex Friendships in Marriage

Thank you so so much for posting this link. I really need this article as so many of our family and friends don't understand why I say that opp sex friends are risky. They think I'm just paranoid because my H had an EA (implying that THEIR spouse and themselves could never find themselves in love with someone) or they think I'm overly jealous because I'm too insecure in myself.

been years since I've been here.

Pay much attention to the above.

Hey Send...long time.

You were a story I read when I first arrived a thousand years ago. It'd be great to see you post an update on your "my story" thread linked in your signature line.

Or not...

God Bless you CPA's.

Mr. Wondering

Howdy Send!! Thanks for stopping by..