You can experience reconciliation with your brother before the throne of God...probably not too far from where David and Bathsheba (and the kids) will be meeting Uriah and making some awkward explanations.

And Saul/Paul meeting Stephen, plus doubtless many others.

Hello BlairBlueFin,

You are exactly right of course and I agree I need to hold my course with Dad.

I try to remember that I am asked by our Lord and Savior to respect and honor him...

doesn't say anything about agreeing with him!!!

God Bless.

Jim

I really fear for this nice lady

Hello Indiegirl,

I agree completely with you.

I think that if he is an adulterer that the death of my mother brought the chickens home to roost for him and he finally had to confront his adultery...and he didn't like the view.

I think the pain of his possible adultery is brought to the forefront with every family gathering and holiday that our family is broken.

I think that his motives are being governed by HIS pain and has nothing to do with what is "best for the family".

Great point about confronting him about it.

I actually asked him one time how HE would feel if his own brother had had an affair with mom.

He immediately got angry and told me that would have had nothing to do with this situation and he refused to think about it.

Really Dad?????

I think that it touched a nerve.

God Bless.

Jim

Neak,

Love it!!!!

You are so right about the reconciliation between my ex-brother and I. I do hope that he finds his way to repentance and is saved by the blood of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

The fact would then be that he is a changed person and would regret his actions against me and our family...

and would then be a FORMER sinner as I myself am...

and I would love him for it...

Got a big kick out of thinking of the stammering of King David and Bathsheba talking about "the incident"!!!!

Thanks so much!!!

God Bless.

Jim

You are 100% correct.

My wife and I are in permanent NC with one of her brothers because of stuff he did to her long ago. We have experienced the "when are you going to get over it" attitude. There are situations where excising someone from your life is the best form of "forgiveness" that can be offered.

Do you know why many old people get flim flamed by con artists. Because they ability to discern lessens with age.

Also if your dad was a WH and he never got held that accountable. He sees what his penance however small it was. Was enough.

So when he see the comparison on what he did for atonement and your OM/B has gone through. Leaves your dad with the impression that your brother has served enough punishment.

That must of been a hoot when your brother showed up at that wedding. I would of gotten right up and left immediately without saying any good byes.

Jim, I'm sorry for the pain you are experiencing from your father re-opening the wound.

Lots of good posts here. I just wanted to add that your father will have to make his own decision whether to hate you or not. You protect yourself, and let him make his own decision.

Yours is definitely one of the stories I will link. Especially when the affair is with a family member and how important it is to have NC for life. Something Dr. Harley stresses all the time.

I know you didn't ask for this path, but your story has helped many.

Indeed, Brain. This thread really brings to the forefront the long term, ongoing consequences of infidelity. Years and years later the family is still divided. A selfish and evil act that feels so good at the moment has devastating consequences that are a life sentence.

Yes indeed, friend.

Hello HomeSweetHome,

Thank you so much for your thoughts.

It is so true that young people should SEE the consequences for their actions.

I believe that is part of the reason our society is in so much trouble now...

Kids never see what the long term consequences of their actions or lack of action really are.

Adultery is a prime example.

Movies and TV portray it as a victimless crime which it definitely is not any more than rape or murder is...

Which is clearly is on the same level as.

In my state it isn't even grounds for divorce...

Who would have guessed society would stoop this low in their opinion of something so damaging to families and particularly children...

Thanks.

God Bless.

Jim
\

MrEureka,

Thanks for the affirmation.

You are exactly right that sometimes the best forgiveness that can be rendered is to leave them to God and leave them alone to themselves...

Thank you.

God Bless.

Jim

Hello markos,

Good to see you too are still here helping people.

Good advice and thank you!!!

God Bless.

Jim

Jim, I am Delta ... remember me? I'm currently on this forum helping a friend and chose to use a different username for that purpose.

So glad to hear things are going well for you and your wife. My husband and I are doing great as well. Really, really wonderful!

Isn't it nice that you no longer have to deal with your exbrother? That's the way I feel about my situation. Complete freedom and peace and gratitude -- despite torturous reasons for getting there -- that I no longer have to be any part of the long list of BS, drama and chaos that surrounds my exsister.

Sorry about your dad. He probably gets it, mostly. But then his selfishness rears its ugly head.

Cheers to all good things with your wife!

Hello my old friend Delta - SunnySkies!!!

Love your new name...

it goes with the happiness you have found.

So glad to see you here!!!

I had often wondered how you and your husband were doing and it sounds like you are doing terrific!!!

Mrs.Flint and I are doing great which is why it is such a heartache to have this thing with my dad pop up again.

My ex-brother thing had pretty much gone away until my youngest son's wedding.

His new MIL and FIL knew the reason we were not inviting him to the wedding...

and after being assured that he would not be invited...

they invited him anyway...

My brother has no remorse or he would never have done that to Mrs.Flint and I.

You are SOOOOOOO blessed to have your complete family on your side to help you not to have to deal with your ex-sister!!!!

You and I are members of a rather unique club having to deal with not only the affairs of our spouses but also being betrayed by blood family.

My dad could be such a BIG help in arranging and preserving family gatherings but he refuses anything short of a reconciliation between my ex-brother and myself.

Having your support and the rest of the MB family means a lot to me and Mrs.Flint.

Thank you all so much.

Cheers back to you and your husband from Mrs.Flint and myself!!!

God Bless.

Jim

JIm --

Why did the new in-laws go against your wishes??
Was your son involved in that decision?

Did your ex-brother actually attend the wedding?

So sorry for your trouble...

Hello Lexxxy,

My ex-brother has worked on my youngest son for quite some time as his son and mine are almost exactly the same age. They played ball together and were quite close prior to the disclosure of the affair.

My son has been under pressure not only from my ex-brother but also my nephew to continue the relationship with my ex-brother.

My nephew was my son's best man.

My son probably got a lot of pressure from my nephew to invite his father or he probably would have had to pick a different best man.

So I'm sure they said to go ahead and invite him.

What made me so angry was the complete AMBUSH by his MIL and FIL in not INFORMING Mrs.Flint and I that they were choosing to do so after assuring us they would not.

It was the most awkward situation I have ever heard of with my family and sister on one side of the park (out of doors wedding), his side on one side and my son and daughter law along with my father in the middle!!!

What a friggen mess.

I was very proud of the way Mrs.Flint responded to the ambush by our son's new MIL.

There was an old fashioned 'What The Hell Do You think You're Doing' dressing down by Mrs.Flint directed at the MIL at the end of the wedding!!!

My sister, bless her heart, stayed with my family for the entire wedding and even tried asking my ex-brother to please leave to no avail...

I know some would say I should have tucked tail and ran...

but...

that's not in my nature and I won't do it.

Avoiding if possible any interaction is what Dr.Harley advises...

Not being a coward and running away.

THAT would send the wrong signal to my children and others that I was afraid of my ex-brother which couldn't be farther from the truth.

Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ avoided his tormentors whenever possible but he didn't run away from them when they confronted him...

Which is and will be my course also.

Thanks for your post.

God Bless.

Jim

Ultimately your son should have put his foot down. The wedding invites come from the couple getting married and they usually sit down and screen/vet the list etc. But its over with and I bet they will not be any get together's with the new in-laws any time soon!!

Hello InLikeFlynn,

I have no doubt that the invitation was instigated and approved by my son and DIL.

It's kind of like Mel stated in her post...

Until it's YOUR ox being gored most people just don't care.

If it was HIS wife that had the affair with my older son he would be screaming for the family's support.

But it's not.

And I love my son enough to understand that and not demand that he choose a side.

He knows the pain brought to our family by my ex-brother...

but...

He also loves his cousin and his aunt and probably his POS uncle because in his eyes he hasn't done anything to him to cause him to want to be estranged from them.

He hasn't witnessed personally the agony that I have gone through because of the affair.

Therefore he sees no reason for the big deal...

If my son had seen my father and the rest of the family come down on my ex-brother for his actions he would have understood it far better.

But they didn't and in fact he sees them trying to put the family back together which must be terribly confusing to him and his new wife.

Sometimes taking the moral high ground and trying to protect EVERYONE is a little too much and that is when it falls that the only ones I can protect are Mrs.Flint and myself...

So be it.

God Bless.

Jim