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I am going to be on Tuesday.
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I am going to be on Tuesday.
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Actually got my question answered today. Not exactly what I wanted to hear, how hard it is to come back from separation, but still very logical answers to my question. Thanks again everyone Here's your show with your question. Radio Clip of Roid76's question
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I am having a hard time not judging, or making assumptions. She has a make friend and I am pretty sure that's all they are. It's hard not to want to know for sure though!! I asked her about the other night, after finding evidence of a email written a while back, she said some things in it that to me were not right. Used a lot of words to do with feelings and such. But she said she liked him as a friend. So hard to take all that in, I have been cheated on before in relationships, and it's a pain that rivals the spilt up. Do I just need to try and place my mind elsewhere and try to forget what I saw? The pure thought of her with another just makes me sick!!
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Do not say any more to her about it.
Instead, do some snooping. It is very likely she is having an affair with this man. Who is he? Start digging and see what you can find.
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The problem is I can't dig anymore. I have no access to anything she has, and no trust to get anything. So it's either I leave it alone, or make it worse by talking to her. I am lost on this one.
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What exactly did you see? Do you have his name? His email address?
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How do you approach a wife that is already so unattached from the relationship. And so angry, and hateful. Should I just keep up with very limited contact, except kiddo stuff, or what. She still texts me her problems sometimes, but the conversation about the other guy was a killer for a while I think. I am almost to the point of giving up hope. How can so much anger, hatred, and betrayal, be overcome on her end, when we don't even interact at all. The only times are the drop offs with the kids. And then it seems fake putting on a happy face for them you know.
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Yes I know who it is, an ex from high school days. They text each other all the time, she has said she hangs out with him and his friends, and the email is hard to explain, she said love you, but tells me it was a friendly love you, and that she is not sleeping with anyone, wouldn't do that to the kids. I tried to contact him and she flew off the handle about 2 months ago. So instead of causing for strife, I let it go then.
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Do I just simply contact him again asking of his intentions with my wife. I worry about my girls, but know I need to trust her as well!!! I did lie to her and hide things, so how can I go about telling her it's wrong to hide things too??
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How do you approach a wife that is already so unattached from the relationship. And so angry, and hateful. Should I just keep up with very limited contact, except kiddo stuff, or what. She still texts me her problems sometimes, but the conversation about the other guy was a killer for a while I think. I am almost to the point of giving up hope. How can so much anger, hatred, and betrayal, be overcome on her end, when we don't even interact at all. The only times are the drop offs with the kids. And then it seems fake putting on a happy face for them you know. Definitely push for more contact - reach out to her, send her texts, send her cards, send her letters. And make it good: show an interest in her and in the problems in her life. Read about the friends and enemies of good conversation: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5056_qa.htmlIn fact, I suggest rereading this DAILY and reaching out to her daily to practice. The man who can master these skills will be the man that she finds to be irreplaceable.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Do I just simply contact him again asking of his intentions with my wife. I worry about my girls, but know I need to trust her as well!!! I did lie to her and hide things, so how can I go about telling her it's wrong to hide things too?? Lecturing her about right and wrong will get you nowhere - it's disrespectful. You need to make Love Bank deposits, not withdrawals.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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As for contacting him, I would contact him and inform him of YOUR intentions regarding your wife: you still love her and intend to be there for her, and you want him to back off.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Okay then when he tells her I contacted him isn't that going to cause more of a problem in her and more bank withdrawals?
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I have tried but she gets very upset, at all of that. Or just doesn't respond at all.
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Yes I know who it is, an ex from high school days. They text each other all the time, she has said she hangs out with him and his friends, and the email is hard to explain, she said love you, but tells me it was a friendly love you, and that she is not sleeping with anyone, wouldn't do that to the kids. I tried to contact him and she flew off the handle about 2 months ago. So instead of causing for strife, I let it go then. She doesn't have to be sleeping with him in order for it to be an affair. Her reaction to you contacting him, the fact that he's an old lover, and the "I love you" are HUGE RED FLAGS.
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I have tried but she gets very upset, at all of that. Or just doesn't respond at all. KEEP doing it.
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I have tried but she gets very upset, at all of that. Or just doesn't respond at all. There are some things that you need to do even if it causes her to get upset, and this is one of them. Okay then when he tells her I contacted him isn't that going to cause more of a problem in her and more bank withdrawals? She is going to be upset, but actually it is probably going to be a love bank deposit that you showed that level of interest in her. It is not uncommon for women in withdrawal to get upset when their husbands start making love bank deposits - it messes with their narrative that he does not care for her.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Does he live nearby? Do they have Facebook accounts?
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Yes I know who it is, an ex from high school days. They text each other all the time, she has said she hangs out with him and his friends, and the email is hard to explain, she said love you, but tells me it was a friendly love you, and that she is not sleeping with anyone, wouldn't do that to the kids. I tried to contact him and she flew off the handle about 2 months ago. So instead of causing for strife, I let it go then. She doesn't have to be sleeping with him in order for it to be an affair. Her reaction to you contacting him, the fact that he's an old lover, and the "I love you" are HUGE RED FLAGS. Dr. Harley would say it's an affair from the minute the i love you's are exchanged.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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