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Originally Posted by SFL
His response when he came home was:
"I will talk to my boss on Monday and leave my job, tone down my friendship with OW, but I will not do the program with you and we will figure out a way to be separate, divorced parents."

What does he think the program is...does he know about Marriage Builders?


If it makes you feel any better, his words are typical at this stage. He is in damage control mode and the only person he is fooling is himself.

Hang in there.


ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008

Recovered

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Thank you everyone!!


BS
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I just wanted to tell you that when my sister exposed, her WH went into a rage and ranted for days. He broke things in the house and repeatedly told her the was DONE with the M.

She kept her cool, was a broken record (along the same lines of what you have been told to say here), didn't engage him in his fogbabble nonsense....

They are recovered today. There is hope. Hang in there smile


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
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On a scale of 1 to 10 his rage may get a 7 for intensity, but he barely gets a 2 for originality! Very few style points either.

He's just reciting standard babble from the wayward song book.

He thinks its such a good tantrum he doesn't want to give it up yet. Keep smiling, he won't know how to handle that.

He will be so hungry for a reaction he will dump all over Utah.

When he flys back, can you arrange to have him watched for DUI? Or perhaps give the rental car agency a heads up to check his sobriety when he picks up a car? You may save a life. Also this may keep him distracted while you File FIRST.

If he does give notice that's a big win for you, even if he doesn't make any move to reconcile. That will put the affair in free fall because they are not working together and he can no longer pay for her Nordstrom sprees. When his fun stops, he will begin to miss his per affair life.






Me 58: FWH (NC 32 yr), W 60, married 36 yr, DD 32
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Ok- latest nonsense.
He and other woman are just good friends. She has been a good friend to him. He slept on her couch. She's been in and out of the hospital and he was just helping her out.
I have documented video that he checks into hotel, drives to her place and spends the night. WH was also seen driving her car. I also have texts of her calling him babe and saying I miss you. And saw a text of her saying " can I use your card to go shopping at Nordstroms" (but didn't take a photo of it.

He just texted me saying that I exposed to one of her friends that works with my WH and I "ruined his career" I used the script of me not having power to ruin his career and that if his career is ruined it's because of his affair.

He said the affair wasn't with an employee (referring to 1st fling). (So now he's saying he and current OW were not having an affair and that he hasn't slept with her but does have feelings for her.

And that I've destroyed him.



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Originally Posted by SFL
Ok- latest nonsense.
He and other woman are just good friends. She has been a good friend to him. He slept on her couch. She's been in and out of the hospital and he was just helping her out.
I have documented video that he checks into hotel, drives to her place and spends the night. WH was also seen driving her car. I also have texts of her calling him babe and saying I miss you. And saw a text of her saying " can I use your card to go shopping at Nordstroms" (but didn't take a photo of it.

He just texted me saying that I exposed to one of her friends that works with my WH and I "ruined his career" I used the script of me not having power to ruin his career and that if his career is ruined it's because of his affair.

He said the affair wasn't with an employee (referring to 1st fling). (So now he's saying he and current OW were not having an affair and that he hasn't slept with her but does have feelings for her.

And that I've destroyed him.


dramaqueen


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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SFL, another critical reason that you should stick to your guns about him leaving his job is that he needs to learn his lesson or his career is doomed anyway. He is a reckless, unprofessional loose cannon. He is a walking liability lawsuit waiting to happen. He should NEVER be in management because a manager who abuses his power in this way has horrendous judgment. if he doesn't learn his lesson, he will just keep this up.

And the fact that this is affair #2 tells me something very important about him. He is not just "happening into" these affairs, he is out looking for them. He is using his position in the company to pick up female subordinates. He views the workforce as his personal dating pool.

You are handing him the deal of a lifetime to get out of there in 30 days and he is too fogged out to realize it. Getting him out of there has probably saved him from getting caught and fired and becoming a pariah in his industry. I am real surprised he has not been caught yet. It was only a matter of time anyway.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Have you sent them your cheaterville link?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by SFL
Ok- latest nonsense.
He and other woman are just good friends. She has been a good friend to him. He slept on her couch. She's been in and out of the hospital and he was just helping her out.
I have documented video that he checks into hotel, drives to her place and spends the night. WH was also seen driving her car. I also have texts of her calling him babe and saying I miss you. And saw a text of her saying " can I use your card to go shopping at Nordstroms" (but didn't take a photo of it.

He just texted me saying that I exposed to one of her friends that works with my WH and I "ruined his career" I used the script of me not having power to ruin his career and that if his career is ruined it's because of his affair.

He said the affair wasn't with an employee (referring to 1st fling). (So now he's saying he and current OW were not having an affair and that he hasn't slept with her but does have feelings for her.

And that I've destroyed him.

SFL, he will continue spouting nonsense at you. You have already told him 100 times what he needs to do so I wouldn't respond to any texts from him if it's the same old, same old garbage...stay off the crazy train!! Silence can be your friend. Do not bash your head into a wall...you have enough to deal with.

This is typical WS freak out mode. I recommend you not say too much to him...especially if you are feeling worn down. As Mel said, if he is acting angry and nasty with you and in front of the children, tell him to leave.

Have any family members or friends reached out to you?


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
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He is HOPING that it is a threat. He does not want workplace exposure to be a promise!

Those who threaten talk a lot more than those who act. That's why he wants to get you into a debate.

Just say: "honey, I'm done talking about that. You know what you need to do"

That will scare the pants off him, because it's not a threat, or blackmail, it's a deadline.

It's pretty rich him calling it blackmail after all the gas lighting and manipulation of you. But that's waywardism for you. Every pointed finger has three fingers pointing back at them.



What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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I'd use the word 'deadline' too whenever he says 'ultimatum' or 'blackmail'


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Originally Posted by indiegirl
Just say: "honey, I'm done talking about that. You know what you need to do"

That will scare the pants off him, because it's not a threat, or blackmail, it's a deadline.

x 2

Do not keep going back and forth with it. He WANTS to wear you down. Do not engage.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
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Ok- latest latest nonsense is that he is going to talk to his boss on Tuesday. He said he is going to tell him "what he did" (which probably means he'll say he was helping her out and didn't sleep with her and just stayed at her place) and see what the consequences are. He said he will probably get fired but maybe not because he'd like to stay and work. So he is taking back the agreement of leaving gracefully.

Help frown


Last edited by SFL; 05/25/14 08:59 PM.

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That's nice! Just let him know your deal still stands. If he is still there in 30 days, you will be presenting the evidence of the affair to his company's authorities.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Also, his company will have access to his company emails, phone logs and texts so they will be able to do their own investigation.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by SFL
Ok- latest latest nonsense is that he is going to talk to his boss on Tuesday. He said he is going to tell him "what he did" (which probably means he'll say he was helping her out and didn't sleep with her and just stayed at her place) and see what the consequences are. He said he will probably get fired but maybe not because he'd like to stay and work. So he is taking back the agreement of leaving gracefully.

Help frown

That's rich!! He must think they are REAL STUPID people that they would believe that whopper. Good luck on that! rotflmao


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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I bet they were sitting on the couch reading Bible scripture, right? laugh


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by SFL
Ok- latest latest nonsense is that he is going to talk to his boss on Tuesday. He said he is going to tell him "what he did" (which probably means he'll say he was helping her out and didn't sleep with her and just stayed at her place) and see what the consequences are. He said he will probably get fired but maybe not because he'd like to stay and work. So he is taking back the agreement of leaving gracefully.

Help frown

Just had a great idea! Since he has offered to come clean, why not tell him you will also contact his owner and the HR Director yourself on Tuesday and tell them about his affairs and offer up your evidence from the PI? He shouldn't object to that since he has agreed to come clean. smile


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Ok- I know the purpose of this is to MB but, I'm at a place right now that I think it's best that we aren't together. I think I'd like Plan D. There have been so many lies. So many. Don't think I can ever trust him again. With him in his current job, I know exactly how much I'll get a month and it's a nice amount. Might have to make a few adjustments but it's pretty good.. If he leaves, it could take 3-6 months for him to get something else and that would cut what my kids and I would get significantly. The last 2 times he was between jobs that's how long it took and we had to dwindle our savings. He consulted as well but he got much less. if we D and he's not in his current job and is instead consulting the Alimony/Child Support would be based on his lesser employment and that would not be good as it is now. Is that right?

Please advise. Thank you all so much.



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Originally Posted by SFL
Ok- I know the purpose of this is to MB but, I'm at a place right now that I think it's best that we aren't together. I think I'd like Plan D. There have been so many lies. So many. Don't think I can ever trust him again. With him in his current job, I know exactly how much I'll get a month and it's a nice amount. Might have to make a few adjustments but it's pretty good.. If he leaves, it could take 3-6 months for him to get something else and that would cut what my kids and I would get significantly. The last 2 times he was between jobs that's how long it took and we had to dwindle our savings. He consulted as well but he got much less. if we D and he's not in his current job and is instead consulting the Alimony/Child Support would be based on his lesser employment and that would not be good as it is now. Is that right?

Please advise. Thank you all so much.


The path you're on will protect you should you choose Plan D. If he is dead set on keeping that job, he's going to be found out, have more affairs and get fired. Then he won't work again and the alimony ends.

So even when just viewing him as nothing more than a pay cheque, it's better to encourage him into something else. You also want to interrupt their affair at work for your children's sake so she isn't their stepmother.

One of the first things you have to accept about affairs is that no matter what, you get financially raped. It's like having termites. There's no way around it.

Part of your plan b preps will be to take as much money as possible from your joint funds and put it somewhere safe.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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