Who is the author? I would like to get it.

LM Montgomery. The author of Anne of Green Gables

Lucy Maude Montgomery (same author as Anne of Green Gables), and you can find it for 99 cents on Kindle. You can buy Kindle books even if you don't have a Kindle, and just read them on your computer.

Wow very insightful about the brain Neak. I had to read it a few times to really get the gist of it.

I think I must have a big whole heap of 'Yes' boutons! So I have to build 'No' boutons to override these I guess?

My axon has been so stimulated in contacting WH that I need to stop this and develop better habits.

I think I understand. I'm glad you posted this.

Neak's mom here. I wanted her to rewrite that for you (not that I'm complaining, dear--you know I never do THAT! You didn't? You must not have been paying close enough attention. Or maybe it was TOO close. Whatever...I didn't feel like doing it myself. I broke my ankle and I can't type. I have excellent excuse boutons, apparently.)

When I was in college, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth, I started out as a music major the first year, before switching to nursing. During that year, I practiced some pretty difficult stuff. Once I switched to nursing, became a nurse, married, and had children (and children), those complex musical efforts gradually slipped farther and farther back into my memory until they were hardly there at all. I think the kids were all teens or barely out of it when I happened to get curious about that music again. I was STUNNED, when I started to practice, how quickly I re-learned the songs. What had seemingly taken forever, back in my youth, returned with astonishing rapidity. And I had no idea why...

Until we heard about boutons, and I realized that those music boutons, the neural pathways that had been activated by all that practice before, had simply been lying (VERY) dormant in my brain until I started practicing the same pieces again, and they sproinged back to life.

Contacting your husband reactivated an established neural pathway. It didn't take a long time to do it, and it was easier because the pathway was already there; it didn't need to be FORMED--it just needed to be nudged and awakened. So your reaction was quick, and surprised you by its intensity. Boutons explain why; they also explain how to override them--by forming newer, stronger pathways. But the old ones never go away; which explains the physiology behind Dr. Harley's instruction that a person can never be around an old affair partner. Weird things, boutons, but they explain a lot.

tl

Oh.

I've always tended to be too subtle, too. Don't tell me--you've never noticed that, either!

tl

Thanks Neak and Neaks mom! I'm very interested in this bouton thing. That makes so much sense now about why you can never be around an old affair partner ever again. It's disrespectful to your spouse and it is also too easy to go back down that path again because it's always there lying in the background ready to be re-ignited.

So are you still playing music Neaks mom?

I think you are both very wise ladies!!

It's funny you mention the music. I taught myself to play keyboard when I was about 8 years old. This one Christmas song I used to play still sticks in my mind all these years later. I can go a year or so without playing it, but when I do I still remember all the notes.

Everybody in the family is musical some way or another. Just for fun, I tried one of my old piano pieces,and was going to mess around with one of the organ pieces, and almost immediately broke an ankle and can't do anything with my feet (musically, at least), for several weeks yet. Mostly I played for church, which I enjoy, but it's a very different level.

Neak is the most musical, I think. She composes, sings, plays the piano, and then a bunch of different instruments (some better than others, obviously). I just did keyboard and sang. But music is a great escape valve for internal pressure. You don't have to be a professional to do THAT!

tl

I hope your ankle heals quickly

Wow what a talented bunch we have here on MB!!

You should play the piano--an add to your repertoire! It's very cathartic. When my kid were young, I discovered a song that I decided I wanted to have played at my funeral. (I have not been obliging enough to die yet, however, so I used it first for my mother's service. It will still be available when I'm ready, I'm sure!) I have the lyrics printed and framed, and hanging on the wall right behind the desk where I'm sitting now. It's called "Be Still, My Soul", and the 4 stanzas of the poem are just as beautiful to me now as they were the first time I read them.

So, when I was sad I would sit down at the piano and play that song. Sure as you live, whenever I did, I would promptly have at least one child (and sometimes more) materialize and say, "Feeling depressed today, Mom?" So, if you decide to express yourself with music, don't tell your kids which songs mean what because explaining your poignant thoughts to juveniles spoils the mood!! Just sayin'...

tl

I've never heard Be Still, My Soul. Who sings that? Sounds lovely.

I have always wanted to learn piano. I could probably do with getting lost in some piano playing.

Haha I won't tell anyone what songs make me sad!

Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul, though dearest friends depart
And all is darkened in the vale of tears;
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.
Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay
From His own fulness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.
Catharine Amalia Dorothea von Schlegel, 1752 Music by Jean Sibelius, mid-1880s from "Finlandia"

(1) Interesting that the poem is more more than 250 years old. Have people really changed that much? Essentially, I mean. (2) Hard to find a performance that does all 4 stanzas. (3) Not too many modern renditions of such an old song, but this one of David Archuleta (don't actually know who he is, but I've at least heard his name, and he isn't old) singing to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir was a nice one. (4) Tears and sniffling do not actually go all that well with hash browns and scrambled eggs.

It will never lose its power to move me. OK, not at my funeral, but up till then.............

David Archuleta Sings to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir

tl

What a lovely piece. Thank you for sharing. I felt very moved by that (and a tad sad).

I can see why you want such a moving song at your funeral. (hopefully a VERY long time away)!!!

So I have a question. When I broke my Plan B last week and saw WH he asked a request of me. I don't really think he should be asking ANY requests of me since he has not ended his A.

So anyway. He's always loved my perfume. He asked if at pick ups of my DS if I could wear it because then he would be able to smell it on DS when he got in the car and be reminded of me.

At the time I said yes, but I didn't wear it today when he picked DS up.

I feel this would be cake-eating on his behalf. What do you think? This would be him still getting his fix of me, and still being with OW.


If he wants to smell me he can leave OW and come home and smell me every night! I think it's totally unfair I give him his fix, when he won't leave OW.

It's like he wants a reminder of me so he can feel good. But I don't get to feel good because he won't leave her.

Him being able to smell my perfume on DS is not me being dark is it?

Do you agree?

It's not being dark if you know it's on purpose. I'm sure you can see the difference between blithely wearing your fave parfum, which unbeknownst to you WH can smell later, and making a transference on purpose. Sending a message - albeit an olfactory one - that you know WH will receive.

Either change your perfume or wear none at all. Switch Chanel #5 for Old Spice or Axe, lol. I AM JUST KIDDING.

How well you're doing to have picked up on the ramifications of this all by your little self!


Priceless.

Hi Neak

Yes me wearing it would be on purpose so I'm not doing it. I think it would give him the fix that he is looking for and I don't want that. He has to miss me all on his own and want to come home.

And when he picks DS up in the morning it's early and I haven't even thought about putting on perfume yet!

I actually like the smell of Old Spice Reminds me of my late grandfather

I changed my perfume because a perfume my H had always liked was a trigger for me. The sense of smell is powerful at keeping memories alive.

Fresh start.

That's what my grandpa used to wear, too. Smelling it makes me happy.