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My younger sister has told me the same.

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Yep, Tinder was too much work. Although it was nice only communicating with people I was mutually attracted to, I knew nothing else about them and had to do quite a bit of chatting to see what we had in common. I didn't like the Chemistry site either. I dropped Eharmony because they never had any matches for me. So I'm down to Match and OKCUPID. I honestly like OKCUPID the best because of the questions, but wish it were a pay site because I get a lot of junk mail. You know, offering to be my sex slave, or asking me to stand on their chest in high heels MrRollieEyes . If nothing else it is entertaining sometimes!


BS-me 35
WXH-37
DS- 3.5 yrs old
DD 2 yrs old
Married for eleven years, together for fifteen
DDay August 2012 Found inappropriate text message
12/7/12 knew for sure he was sexting with men
12/9/12 Partial exposure, and truth about PA's revealed by WH
12/19/12 Full exposure
1/9/13 Plan B
Jan 2013 filed for divorce
1/27/2014 Divorce finalized
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Green that Christian Mingle site really worked for me, the guys I talked to were all really respectful and not looking for hookups, and I messaged with a few nice ones before meeting my boyfriend. I am thinking maybe they have a setting on there to indicate you are UU so you'd get like-minded folks.


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
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Originally Posted by NewEveryDay
Green that Christian Mingle site really worked for me, the guys I talked to were all really respectful and not looking for hookups, and I messaged with a few nice ones before meeting my boyfriend. I am thinking maybe they have a setting on there to indicate you are UU so you'd get like-minded folks.

Technically, Universal Unitarian is considered and identifies as a Christian denomination.

EDIT: In some areas, they were very prevalent.

Last edited by Jedi_Knight; 05/29/14 10:05 PM.
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Thanks guys! I do believe that I would get less junk mail on Christian Mingle. However, I am not a Christian, and actually match better with people who identify as agnostic or atheist. (I know, what am I doing on this site lol) I actually feel like the guys I'm meeting are very sweet. I don't have any complaints about the quality of men I'm meeting other than I have determined that I want someone who still has hair, and is in good shape. That part is proving trickier than I thought! The last guy I dated was very attractive and in good shape, and now he's ruined me for all these other guys lol!


BS-me 35
WXH-37
DS- 3.5 yrs old
DD 2 yrs old
Married for eleven years, together for fifteen
DDay August 2012 Found inappropriate text message
12/7/12 knew for sure he was sexting with men
12/9/12 Partial exposure, and truth about PA's revealed by WH
12/19/12 Full exposure
1/9/13 Plan B
Jan 2013 filed for divorce
1/27/2014 Divorce finalized
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 777
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Quick question! After a few dates, how much communication do you like/expect daily from your date? A few texts? Phone call? I'm not sure how much is considered normal?


BS-me 35
WXH-37
DS- 3.5 yrs old
DD 2 yrs old
Married for eleven years, together for fifteen
DDay August 2012 Found inappropriate text message
12/7/12 knew for sure he was sexting with men
12/9/12 Partial exposure, and truth about PA's revealed by WH
12/19/12 Full exposure
1/9/13 Plan B
Jan 2013 filed for divorce
1/27/2014 Divorce finalized
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,563
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I am more comfortable with a call or email a day or couple of days than multiple texts at different times of the day. But after doing this MB stuff it seems like guys like to connect a lot more often than that, not a bad problem to have smile


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
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Thanks NED! I tend to like lots if attention because I'm home alone with the kids a lot, so like the adult interaction. But I know it's not healthy to be relying on it so heavily which was why I was wondering what is considered normal. The current guy I'm seeing sends at least one text, usually more a day, and calls occasionally so I think we are on track for appropriate levels of contact.


BS-me 35
WXH-37
DS- 3.5 yrs old
DD 2 yrs old
Married for eleven years, together for fifteen
DDay August 2012 Found inappropriate text message
12/7/12 knew for sure he was sexting with men
12/9/12 Partial exposure, and truth about PA's revealed by WH
12/19/12 Full exposure
1/9/13 Plan B
Jan 2013 filed for divorce
1/27/2014 Divorce finalized
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,563
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That sounds like the important part, that it's working for both of you smile So what's up with the current guy? How did you meet?


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
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Green, how's it going?


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
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Go out and have fun! It'll take your mind off of your divorce, and move you emotionally to another place. Nothing's wrong with a light-hearted date, and when you're ready, you can go in full swing.

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Update:
I've been on a dating break for the last two months or so. Trying to decide what to do. I got myself in a pickle and I'm stepping back to try to figure out where I went wrong. I had been dating salsa guy for a few months and things were progressing nicely, but then I wound up hanging out with IT guy- and fell for him again. So I dated both briefly while I tried to decide which I liked better. It was an awful and terrible idea. BUT I chose IT guy and we dated for about another 6 weeks exclusively, when I broke up with him. BOTH guys were really upset and wanted me back. I just felt like a jerk. SOOO, I'm taking some time off, trying to figure out what wasn't working. I've pinpointed a few of my struggles.

1. I need to listen to Indie and keep the dates daytime and light.

2. My emotional bank account has a leak and as much as I try to fill it, I feel like I'm always on empty. This makes me want to move too fast in relationships. I'm not sure what to do to fix that leak.

3. I hate breaking up with people. I know no one likes to break up, but it bothers me more than I should so I think I have some unresolved issues there as well. It always takes the guys by complete surprise as they think things are going great. I don't like breaking hearts.

4. I started back to work substitute teaching in hopes of finding something full time next year. It is going well, and I already have a long term substitute position lined up for January. It is nice to feel like I'm good at something. BUT my free time is really limited. Add to that some additional commitments at my church and I just haven't had much time to get out.

I feel like I should have some of this figured out before I date again, but not dating really takes a toll too. Not sure what to do.


BS-me 35
WXH-37
DS- 3.5 yrs old
DD 2 yrs old
Married for eleven years, together for fifteen
DDay August 2012 Found inappropriate text message
12/7/12 knew for sure he was sexting with men
12/9/12 Partial exposure, and truth about PA's revealed by WH
12/19/12 Full exposure
1/9/13 Plan B
Jan 2013 filed for divorce
1/27/2014 Divorce finalized
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GM,

You have only been divorced for a little over 6 months.
You are trying to rush romance too fast.

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Like my friend Han Solo says, Fast is good if you are piloting a Correllian Freighter and trying to outrun a Imperial Battleship.

But fast isn't so good when you are trying to make out with an alien with 7 arms that resembles Edward Scissorhands...you can get all cut up in the process.

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Green,
I don't come on this site very often anymore since I got re-married but every now and then I like to see what everyone is up to. I love reading about people's dating stories.

Why did you break up with IT guy again?

When you say NOT dating also takes its toll, what do you mean? Is it that you're lonely, is it that you need male companionship, is it that you need to feel admired, are you bored?

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Green, I totally understand, after being in a bad relationship for 15 years, it's a lot harder to slow down and wait than it is for the young kids who don't know what they are missing.

For numbers 2 and 3, it sounds like you may be dealing with an overactive giver? My mom had the same talks with me, as indie had with you, stop making yourself so available, take the time you need for yourself, too, let them take you out. If they are angry that you're not as into them as they are into you, that's a sign they're not willing to do the work. You would need two givers in check for a good relationship, not you doing all the work and your partner upset when you're not convinced you want more of the same.


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Jedi- What gives you the impression that I am rushing or going too fast?

Just me: I initially broke up with IT guy because we had too many differences on some of the major areas I was looking for compatibility- religion, politics, parenting. I choose IT guy over salsa guy because I felt I had a stronger emotional connection with IT guy and, to be honest, I was more physically attracted to IT guy. I broke up with IT guy the second time because he stopped putting in effort and I felt we didn't match sexually. My drive was much higher than his. There were several concerns I had about salsa guy. We've stayed friends and at this point the only two concerns I have left are that he teaches salsa classes which means he is surrounded by women all the time due to the nature of his job. That worries me only because of being cheated on- I'm not looking to take any huge risks this time around. And secondly- I am not that physically attracted to him. I hate that part because I feel really shallow, but if he looked like- oh I don't know insert handsome movie star here, I would still be dating him.


As far as how dating takes it toll- I am really bad at being single. I absolutely hate alone time. I have plenty of hobbies, and friends, but I just have always felt it is more fun to experience life with a partner. I am very extroverted. Yes I'm lonely, Yes I need male companionship! Yes I need to feel admired! I need to be touched! Ugh. Needy. This is what I mean about feeling like I'm on empty all the time.

NED: I definitely struggle with an overactive giver. However, I do feel that every person I've dated has been really terrific. They aren't angry with me- they are sad because they want to still be with me. And I feel bad for hurting them- even though I logically know I must make the choice that is best for me, and that they'll get over it.

I have a tendency to prefer to get to know my friends better rather than make new ones. I feel this transferring into dating. I've been cycling around a few guys for most of this year instead of moving on and meeting new people. I just need to bite the bullet and get back out there. I really wish I could meet more people when I'm out. Meeting on a dating site puts lots of pressure on that you are dating. I'd rather meet someone out and see where that went. So much less pressure. But unfortunately- I meet few people my age I'm attracted to.

I'm stepping out and putting all my stuff back online tonight. Wish me luck!


BS-me 35
WXH-37
DS- 3.5 yrs old
DD 2 yrs old
Married for eleven years, together for fifteen
DDay August 2012 Found inappropriate text message
12/7/12 knew for sure he was sexting with men
12/9/12 Partial exposure, and truth about PA's revealed by WH
12/19/12 Full exposure
1/9/13 Plan B
Jan 2013 filed for divorce
1/27/2014 Divorce finalized
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
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Originally Posted by Greenmomma
Jedi- What gives you the impression that I am rushing or going too fast?

How long were you divorced before you started having boyfriend issues?

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Originally Posted by ajheart
Go out and have fun! It'll take your mind off of your divorce, and move you emotionally to another place. Nothing's wrong with a light-hearted date, and when you're ready, you can go in full swing.

This sounds like good advice

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Originally Posted by Greenmomma
Just me: I initially broke up with IT guy because we had too many differences on some of the major areas I was looking for compatibility- religion, politics, parenting. I choose IT guy over salsa guy because I felt I had a stronger emotional connection with IT guy and, to be honest, I was more physically attracted to IT guy. I broke up with IT guy the second time because he stopped putting in effort and I felt we didn't match sexually. My drive was much higher than his. There were several concerns I had about salsa guy. We've stayed friends and at this point the only two concerns I have left are that he teaches salsa classes which means he is surrounded by women all the time due to the nature of his job. That worries me only because of being cheated on- I'm not looking to take any huge risks this time around. And secondly- I am not that physically attracted to him. I hate that part because I feel really shallow, but if he looked like- oh I don't know insert handsome movie star here, I would still be dating him.


As far as how dating takes it toll- I am really bad at being single. I absolutely hate alone time. I have plenty of hobbies, and friends, but I just have always felt it is more fun to experience life with a partner. I am very extroverted. Yes I'm lonely, Yes I need male companionship! Yes I need to feel admired! I need to be touched! Ugh. Needy. This is what I mean about feeling like I'm on empty all the time.

I was the exact same as you! I hated being single. I suppose that's why I stayed in my previous relationships longer than I should have - it was more comforting than that the thought of being alone. For the first 6 months after it ended I did not have one Friday or Saturday that didn't include plans outside of my house. I did ok Sunday-Thursday but the anticipation of being by myself on a Friday or Saturday night made me crazy. Eventually the day came where I didn't make plans and I looked forward to a Saturday night alone with nothing to do, and that's when I knew I was ready.

If something bothers you even a little bit early on, then you're right to cut the loss right away and move on. Those things won't bother you less as time goes on, they'll only bother you more. It should be easy. Everything should be easy for you when you first begin dating someone.

As for salsa teacher guy - Latin dancing is so sexual, I would NOT be able to handle that either. No way Jose!

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