So very proud of you!! You did the right thing. And I do agree with your plan to get out there and date once you are divorced. Start playing the field and having some fun!

I love your plan of finding someone to support you in your next marriage. I have been in your position myself, supporting a man, and I hated it! I much prefer being married to a guy who makes a good living.

You can have any crazy ole thought you want - as long as you don't act on it and you stay on the path to SANITY.

I see happiness and peace of mind in your future. I really do. I am so happy for you.

Thanks MelodyLane. I really need your cheering on through this step!! Getting the response in, then getting the last few bits of personal items moved and it is over.

Wow.

I

I also am (still) married to a guy I supported for 4 year. I didn't realize how much I hated it until now. Never. Again.

Okay, I'm getting everything ready and found a post office that is open at 8 am tomorrow so I can it done it before teaching.

PW - I thought it would be no big deal, right? Wrong. I loved how in counseling the H protested because I could make so much more than him and Steve's response was (paraphrasing) "you can masturbate, can't you?. Well, that takes care of your SF, but it's so much better when someone else takes care of that need isn't it? Having someone else do it makes you feel loved."

Best moment of counseling, ever.

Carry on! You are doing just great. Bring the body and the mind will follow. Just keep walking out of this nightmare. You will look back on this time a year from now and will be so proud and so glad you made the decision to walk yourself out of this mess.

I have found this quote to be so meaningful when times were tough:

If you're going through hell, keep going.
Winston Churchill

Good job luna. I can't begin to tell you how much stronger you already sound. I know it's tough, but you will come out the other side.

Keep going, friend.

Ditto what everyone else is saying, I am so proud of you and your Plan Luna is going GREAT.

Just keep up the hard work, it will be so worth it in the end........

I am excited for the future. I ran around this morning trying to get to a post office that does money orders. No go - but I have time this afternoon and it will all be sent off. This all should be wrapped up before Christmas.

My family and friends have been wonderful, supportive and loving. I am so grateful for the advice to tell everyone what was going on. I went from a place of shame and fear to having people help me. Yes, I played a role, but I am not the one who choose to not invest in a true marriage. I'm going to take my toys and go elsewhere.

I can't even regret the relationship too much. It got me to the school where I am having fantastic success, and even had some fun times in the town where he was going to school. I never would have lived there otherwise.

And I now know unequivocally what behavior will never work in a partner.

Going to read HNHN over xmas break, as well as Are You the One. And I am going to get three dating profiles up and play around with that (once it is finalized and I'm legit and free). I read a book awhile back that was fascinating and had all sorts of maps of people, economic activity (great examples of useful data representation), etc and where I am living now has a huge ratio of single men to single women due (hypothesized because) women tend to move less to stay by family. So "the odds are ever in my favor" is a truism here. I admit I peeked at one last night just to see and it was packed full of people (no, I didn't do anything JK!)

I know, intellectually, I will so happy one day this happened. Now to just do the work to make that happen as quickly as possible. I don't want to waste anymore time!

Have you ordered Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders? That is one of my favorite Dr. Harley books.
Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders

I think I have Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders back at the apartment. I'll check next week when I am there. I guess that should be to the top of the list, since I clearly missed it this last time.

My checks came! I am starting a brand new register and everything. Symbolic that the first check will be for my freedom and future happiness.

I have to admit, looking at my old register triggered some guilt. When I was supporting us, I had my checks go into my individual account because all of our (not insignificant) debt was in my name alone. Guilt, guilt, guilt for not sharing. If I was going to have a redo, it ALL would have been joint (and I would NOT have been the sole provider). What was I thinking marrying someone who couldn't even support themselves yet? For crying out loud Luna... Oh well. Learning allowed, no self-beating up.

Response mailed priority mail to the court, and regular mail to the H. Put our verbal agreement on the last few things in writing on it for my own peace of mind.

Wow. Thank you guys for the support. I was an absolute wreck and non-functioning (basically) two months ago. Still hurts, but much better now.

You are awesome, luna_alpha!! Now, go change the the little frownie icon next to your name! Your future is very bright...

You're learning and DOING and that's what is so awesome.

You sound so much better. Good job!!!!

Okay, I'll figure out the icon thing soon and get that done!

How's this for doing good: My IM got back to me and H refuses to sign the car title until the divorce is final. Who put that in the response as a condition for the dissolution? *I did*!!! WOOOT. Play your games with the judge if you want, but you aren't playing them with me anymore!

Time to figure out the smiley face...

Ohhh, feeling some anxiety today about being alone for-ever but I need to think positively. That sort of thinking is how I was vulnerable to this whole thing to begin with. Besides, there are worse things than being single, right?

I'm looking forward to purging my life of many physical possessions, especially those that are triggers, and getting down to a lean set of just what I need and nothing more. Really grateful I don't have kids in this mess (not that I didn't want kids, it is just easier without them at this moment!).

Thank you guys for pushing me to make get rid people that might ruin my plan B on Facebook (his immediate family, wayward thinkers who didn't help the marriage, etc). I had no idea how much it was affecting me. I realize now it was because 1. I feel more relaxed going there and 2. I don't feel the compulsion to go there. Even if I didn't 'peek', somehow I still needed to check it...? Weird. I have noticed that when I'm really interested in my own life and enjoying it, I tend to look at it less anyhow. Too busy.

Yes!! What is worse is being ALL ALONE and HEARTBROKEN while married. You will not be alone forever! Now you have a CHANCE in your future to find someone who is great for you.


You are going GREAT and you will find you feel better and better every day as time goes on. Bring the body and the mind will follow. You are walking yourself out of hell and into a happy, fulfilling life. You had NO CHANCE at happiness yoked in this horrible, unfulfilling marriage. Leaving the marriage gives you a chance to find happiness with someone who loves and cares for you!

What really causes anxiety and misery is being married to a cheater who doesn't care very much about protecting you or the marriage.

The more and more time I spent in Plan B and accepted my M was over, I realized I felt more happy and peace than I had in a very very long time. Not to mention I became a better mother, daughter, sister and friend. I had drained a lot of my energy into a bad marriage. It was wonderful to focus on all the other positive relationships and things in my life!

Hang in there!

I am finding you are right - the body is just fighting back, lol! Stupid dreams. Had one last night H told me he changed his mind about the divorce, then abandoned me in the woods looking for my car with only a blanket on. Think my mind was trying to tell me something?


That sounds great SusieQ. I keep reading everyone's responses over and over again for reassurance, and asking my friends and family if I am doing the right thing. They have been wonderful at being a reality check and I have been going with what they say, and not trying to 'fix things'. Yay, for small steps.

The IM let me know H got my responses and will go along with my requests. So we are in agreement and now it is just paperwork I guess. Someone has to request the final judgement.

I wrote a really cool play inspired by the end of this marriage. I like it so much that I'm extremely nervous about the rewrites. I also have that going on with another current piece of writing (children's movie) ... it is a horrible/great problem to have. You like what you've written so much that you are afraid you are going to 'break' it in trying to improve it.