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Well keep at it with the million dollar reward. You will have to make an offer she cannot possibly refuse  .
me, DH
all the children
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Hi Remark-
I hope that you have scheduled with MB office.
(You don't need to reply. )
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Didnt,
I have.
Thanks, Remark
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Do you have a date with your wife?
me, DH
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Remark,
I sure hope your lack of activity means that you spend your evenings wooing your wife on dates, taking her water skiing, to spas, to the theatre, to nice restaurants and art galleries and rock climbing.
Wait... did I forget something?
me, DH
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or are you painting the walls of the cozy bachelor pad and going out with bachelor friends?
me, DH
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or are you painting the walls of the cozy bachelor pad and going out with bachelor friends? HH, Well, I asked her out for a nice dinner tonight. She said she would bu not as a date, but if we wanted to talk about our divorce. Today happens to be our 21st anniversary. Should I take her out to dinner with that as the agenda? Thanks, Remark
Last edited by Remark; 07/09/15 04:01 PM.
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or are you painting the walls of the cozy bachelor pad and going out with bachelor friends? HH, Well, I asked her out for a nice dinner tonight. She said she would bu not as a date, but if we wanted to talk about our divorce. Today happens to be our 21st anniversary. Should I take her out to dinner with that as the agenda? Thanks, Remark Take her out but tell her that you will only discuss pleasant things, and divorce is not a pleasant thing. You don't need to accommodate her divorce suggestions. Just ignore that baloney. She likes to get a rise out of you, and my guess is that she said that because of her pride. Tell her that a divorce is not in your plan. C'mon, Remark. You know the drill. Trust your intelligence, and not your emotional reactions to her lovebusters. DO NOT DISCUSS DIVORCE!!!! Let your attorney do that.
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When's your next phone appt?
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DQ,
I don't have one yet. Was told to wait til JD2D had a session. I learned from her today that she's not going to call him. So, I'll set up an appt tomorrow for ASAP next week.
Thx, Remark
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FYI,
I am working with Steve Harley. I've had 3-4 sessions with him as of now.
We are putting together the daily operation plan that will ensure my behavior encourages an improved marriage relationship.
He focuses, on us, at least, with creating the feeling of connectedness, that we currently do not have.
Thanks,
Remark
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I'm glad to hear that, Remark.
What do you mean by "on us, at least"?
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He focuses, on us, at least, with creating the feeling of connectedness, that we currently do not have. Remark, is your wife co-operating with "creating the feeling of connectedness that we currently do not have"? What is Steve making you do each week to forge this connectedness? Is your wife doing what he suggests?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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I'm glad to hear that, Remark.
What do you mean by "on us, at least"? Didnt, Sorry for the confusion. Steve quickly identified that JD2D and I have no connectedness. Thanks, Remark
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He focuses, on us, at least, with creating the feeling of connectedness, that we currently do not have. Remark, is your wife co-operating with "creating the feeling of connectedness that we currently do not have"? What is Steve making you do each week to forge this connectedness? Is your wife doing what he suggests? JD2D is very reluctant to encourage any feeling of connectedness, understandably. Steve and I are working on a daily operational plan where I do everything in my power create the conditions for her to engage and participate. But, I cannot demand it. And, I don't see it happening in any short timeframe. This daily operational plan will help me address my specific LB's ( as defined by her), and replace my that LB with a different behavior. Same with EN's, though she'll have nothing to do with any EN's until all LB's are eliminated, as per Dr H. She has participated with Steve in two sessions, but is done with that. Thanks, Remark
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This is SOOOO good, Remark.
He is teaching you how to create an environment of care.
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This is SOOOO good, Remark.
He is teaching you how to create an environment of care. DQ, Yes, it is great and valuable learning, but we'll see if it bears any fruit with JD2D. She doesn't seem to trust a thing I say or do right now even though she has all my passwords, all my radical-honesty-based stuff. It will take a time of consistent interaction with her from me with NO LB's. I have to look at any pleasant interaction with her as it might be my last. And, I'll admit, it's a struggle to look forward to most of our interactions because it is so unconnected and unpleasant. Thanks, Remark
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What does that involve, specifically?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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What does that involve, specifically? SugarCane, Well at this point, it's a work in progress. I am drafting it for him and we'll review it next week. Essentially, I am listing LB's and EN's and documenting (1) ways I avoid the LB's and, perhaps, replace that behavior with some acceptable alternative and (2) accomplish EN's. As you know, I have read all the Harley books, watched many Harley videos, etc., but my struggle seems to be converting that "information" into documented "data" that I can present to evidence the changes we both so desperately want. That's as detailed as I know to be right now. Make sense? Thanks, Remark
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