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Thanks, BrainHurts. Listening to Part One right now.
Good let us know what you think. There are also more recent radio clips about AO at the end of the thread.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Wow! I was able to listen to all of Parts One through Three and a little of Part Four before I had to put my boys to bed. I had never had that viewpoint put to me before about who makes me angry. (Or if I had, it didn't register.)

I was appalled to hear the caller's situation, but I can empathize with him. Even though I've never let myself get to that point, I definitely have felt the internal anger build up. Going to listen to the last bit and then look for the other radio broadcasts that you mentioned. Thanks again for your post!

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Wow! I was able to listen to all of Parts One through Three and a little of Part Four before I had to put my boys to bed. I had never had that viewpoint put to me before about who makes me angry. (Or if I had, it didn't register.)

I was appalled to hear the caller's situation, but I can empathize with him. Even though I've never let myself get to that point, I definitely have felt the internal anger build up. Going to listen to the last bit and then look for the other radio broadcasts that you mentioned. Thanks again for your post!
You're very welcome.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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BrainHurts, a quick question for you if you're online.

Would Dr. Harley suggest that I go ahead and schedule an appointment with them via telephone even if my wife isn't willing to do marriage counseling?

And if so, should I ask my wife if that would be okay with her if I did an hour session with him/the MB staff? If anything, I would want to clear the expenditure of the funds with her. (I ask this because it seems to me that would be following the spirit of eliminating LBs and following the POJA.)

I think that this would be really beneficial for me at the least, and $275 per hour is chump change even if I only get one nugget of wisdom out of the counseling session.

Thanks in advance for your advice!

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MelodyLane, to answer your question about Type A Scorpio versus Type B Virgo, I just put that to show what type of personalities we are.

This is very important in my opinion.

I won't go into the traits, but I am certain that any psychologist would say "uh oh" after hearing that description of me and my wife. Oil and water.

What is important to the success of the program is changing behavior. You can learn new habits regardless of your horoscope sign. In essence, Dr Harley is not so interested in your personality, but in whether you will change your habits and can implement the POJA.

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Would Dr. Harley suggest that I go ahead and schedule an appointment with them via telephone even if my wife isn't willing to do marriage counseling?

And if so, should I ask my wife if that would be okay with her if I did an hour session with him/the MB staff? If anything, I would want to clear the expenditure of the funds with her. (I ask this because it seems to me that would be following the spirit of eliminating LBs and following the POJA.)

I think that this would be really beneficial for me at the least, and $275 per hour is chump change even if I only get one nugget of wisdom out of the counseling session.

My suggestion would be to write Dr Harley at his radio show and speak to him on the radio. [its free] You can tell him about your situation and he will give you free advice. That might be a good first step and it would cost you nothing.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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BrainHurts, a quick question for you if you're online.

Would Dr. Harley suggest that I go ahead and schedule an appointment with them via telephone even if my wife isn't willing to do marriage counseling?

And if so, should I ask my wife if that would be okay with her if I did an hour session with him/the MB staff? If anything, I would want to clear the expenditure of the funds with her. (I ask this because it seems to me that would be following the spirit of eliminating LBs and following the POJA.)

I think that this would be really beneficial for me at the least, and $275 per hour is chump change even if I only get one nugget of wisdom out of the counseling session.

Thanks in advance for your advice!
I would write to Dr. Harley on the radio show and you can be a caller and talk to Dr. Harley personally.

Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the rebroadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will be called by us to explain the procedure to you. Every caller will receive a complementary book by Dr. Harley that addresses their question.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Thanks, MelodyLane and BrainHurts! I will try that first.

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Thanks, MelodyLane and BrainHurts! I will try that first.
Great, let us know when you hear back.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Well, I haven't written Joyce and Dr. Bill yet. At first, I was trying to figure out how to phrase my questions, what issues to bring up, etc., so I kept chewing the cud on it.

Meanwhile, I kept focusing on eliminating LBs, trying to make love bank deposits, and trying to get UA time with my wife. I also kept reading other forum posts and listening to the MB radio shows on my phone while commuting to work.

So my wife is now helping set up dates with me by asking her mother to watch our boys. I had a wonderful talk with her mother about our relationship. I had been doing massive LBs to her mother and her step-father as well as to my own parents. So by eliminating LBs with not only my wife but also my in-laws and even my boys, I think that progress has been made in regard to how my wife feels about me.

My wife has watched Fireproof with me. For those familiar with the movie, I actually had started my own Love Dare four weeks prior to seeing the movie! I am continuing to do special things each day for my wife. It's become a joy to think creatively about what to do for her... something that I honestly quit doing regularly a few years after we got married. I'd still do nice things intermittently, but I wasn't protecting my love bank account and all of my LBs were making massive withdrawals.

She has continued listening to the audiobook of Fall in Love, Stay in Love with me, and we are almost through it.

The big breakthrough seems to be from the elimination of LBs (I haven't been perfect, but those slip-ups have been unintentional and not malicious - my wife said so herself), and I will continue to guard from doing LBs not only to her but also my boys, her folks, my folks, our friends, etc.

After listening to Dr. H's Anger Mgt 101, that really gave me a different insight on how to control anger, so I greatly appreciate the advice on that.

So now that I believe that I have a good handle on LB elimination, I am trying to get more UA time by planning fun dates. I've asked her to identify her top AH of mine so that I can work on those.

(My wife hasn't filled out any of the questionnaires, but I'll ask again in a few weeks.)

Anyway, a lot has happened positively just in the past week. Treating her as the Number One person in the entire world, eliminating LBs, spending UA with her (again, I'm trying to get to that 15 hours or more... slowly but surely), treating her family and friends with respect, etc. has made a difference.

She still has a lot of anger against me inside her that I can see in her eyes and actions towards me for what I have done (and failed to do), but I see some softness at times, and that's a great hope.

Anyway, I felt that I needed to give you an update. I haven't slacked off in regards to anything but have doubled my efforts and my resolve to following Dr. H's concepts. I am very disciplined in my life, so following Dr. H's advice has been somewhat easy for me once I made a decision to do follow it.

Maybe one other reason why I'm going through this at this particular point in my life is that I've been able to share MarriageBuilders.com and Dr. H's books with others in my life who are going through tough times in their marriage.

I know that I have a very long road ahead with my wife, but this forum has been great, and I am so grateful that I found Marriage Builders the same day that my wife told me she wanted out. Without an ultimatum as Dr. H has said, I'd still be screwing up. The advice here has not only helped me in my marriage but also with my extended family, my friends, and my professional life.




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Originally Posted by thor1935
We used to go swing dancing together all the time, but with little boys, that's difficult and nigh impossible. We tried to have date nights, but that stopped due to low finances and time.

I got very involved in our church and outside organizations (she was not so much). So the independent behaviour has been a huge issue for not only me but her as well. She doesn't invite nor want me to join her on activities even when I tell her that I'd like to go. It's an assumption on her part that I won't be interested.

What activities is your wife doing? Does she go dancing with her friends? Where does she go on her girls night outs?

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Originally Posted by thor1935
The second time, I had reached out to two other couples (friends of ours) to try to set up a bowling outing. I was trying to figure out schedules for all of us, and then ask my wife about it. This is an outing that we had tried to schedule several months ago but had fallen through. Again, the next thing that I know one of her friends had sent her a message saying, "What's this about us going bowling?"

Another instance that backfired was this. My wife is a stay-at-home mother. I was always trying to get her to go out with her two gal pals (wives in the couples mentioned previously) since I know that our boys take a toll on her. Her mother and step-father have a small cabin in the mountains. I initiated an outing for my wife and her two friends by asking her mother if they could use the cabin. They had a good time, but you guessed it, that was me being controlling.

Just recently something happened between me and one of the aforementioned couples where the wife took the wrong way what her husband and I had discussed. I won't go into it since it's really just befuddling to me as to how it even go to where it got. The wife thought that I was telling her husband that I didn't want her to be friends with my wife any more. Honestly, I don't even know what to say. That was from so far out of left field.

I do not like that her and her friends are willing to do GNO's and go away for the weekends without the husbands but the friends are not willing to get together as couples and go out.

Also how the one friend is taking actions to prevent you from cutting into any GNO time by including the husbands. Also the wife's friend trying to drive a wedge between her and her husband and you so you do not try to make any more plans, and it appears that this friend does not want you talking to her husband to neither of you compare notes and figure what is going on.

Wives do not want divorces unless they have their husbands replacement already lined up and ready to step in.

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Originally Posted by thor1935
She still has a lot of anger against me inside her that I can see in her eyes and actions towards me for what I have done (and failed to do), but I see some softness at times, and that's a great hope.

It is good that you are plan A'ing your wife. Though that anger is another sign that your wife has been having an affair and so id her friend. Partners in crime supporting other in their deceit.

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A woman WILL leave a man without a replacement. Read Dr. Harley's article about why women leave men.

You should snoop. But you should also clean up your side of the street.

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Anger is not necessarily a sign of an affair. It can be a sign that her complaints have been ignored.

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TR - perhaps you should read the whole thread. Thor's wife is responding well Now that he is actually following the MB plan.

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